Post # 1
My SO is considering going to school next August. He would be going to school full time and working full time M-F. He would be doing this for 2+years. I totally support him because it would mean he would be licensed in the job that he does and would be a signifigant raise. He makes good money now, but he would be doing this for our future, which i think is awesome.
I went to college and got my bachelors and worked at least 2 part time jobs in my early 20’s. I know it is tough, but can be done. I’m in my late 20’s and SO is in his early 30’s.
I don’t have an issue with him going to school to advance himself in his career and better our future lives. What I am concerned about now is a wedding being pushed off. We have been together for 4.5 years, have stable and successful careers and have been living together for 2 years. In our previous and most recent discussions he has stated the proposal would happen in the next few months in 2012.
Now I’m worried that due to the financial committment of going to school and the time committment to work and school, a wedding may be put off. I don’t think I am going to handle that well.
I figured that if we got engaged before or around March, we could have a beautiful September wedding. Well, if he’s in school, that’s going to be difficult to say the least. Of course, we could bump it up to July or August, but that is not a lot of time. Other than that, you are looking at May 2013, which I could live with.
I hope this does not put a damper on wedding plans/ engagement. He should know by now that it would cause a huge problem if he asked me to put this off another 2+years. I don’t even know if him going to school would make him think to put it off the wedding. I would hope that he would stay with his original plans, since he has put his word on it so many times.
My question for the bees is this:
Has anyone or their SO tried to accomplish something with this type of time and financial committment while planning a wedding/ getting engaged? Were your plans put off because of this type of committment? Am i worrying for no reason?
Post # 3
My bf and I are about the same ages as you and your bf.
Earlier this year my bf and I first started talking about getting engaged and married. I was also pretty unhappy with my job, and my bf encouraged me to start looking for another. I found an internal transfer within my company, but it meant I also had to move halfway across the country. My bf encouraged me to do this because it would be a great opportunity for my career.
Fast forward to now, I’m pretty miserable in my new location and while I think the job might have potential, I don’t want to be here more than a few years. My bf would like me to move back but he doesn’t know how long he wants to be in his current job or location, so I think it’s stupid to move back and find another job if I’ll just have to go job hunting a year later.
Recently we had an argument about us getting engaged, so heated I was about ready to say, “You know what, if you so unsure about me then I don’t need to be in this anymore”. We eventually smoothed it out and he said maybe we could reach some sort of compromise on when we could get engaged (he wanted to wait until we were in the same town again, but there is no timeline on that and I think it’s premature for me to give up on my new job here, even though I’m pretty miserable with the city. Also I wanted and expected to get engaged while I was out here, which is something he said we would do and then back-pedeled on).
So I think you need to tell him what you want and what you expect, and hold him to his deadline. If he can’t do that, you need to tell him you will be forced to rethink what you want and need out of your relationship with him. And then do exactly that!
Post # 4
Why not a long engagement? It’s a good middle ground in my view.
Post # 5
How much time will his schooling take up?
I am currently working full time as a teacher and doing my masters degree one night per week plus full-time in July. It’s stressful and a lot of work, but it’s not putting off our wedding. We’re getting married in August which will be during my summer break halfway through my program.
Post # 6
I’m worried about this too. My SO and I had (kind of) said we’d get engaged next summer but he’s looking for a new job and there’s a possibility of one in another country. A 14 hour flight away! We wont know until February but what with the possibility of the expense of moving and the stress of us being LDR for a few months I doubt I’ll get my summer proposal and shorter engagement.
I think you should tell him. Especially since youve been together so long. Best wishes.
Post # 7
I’m a full time student right now. I don’t work, but I do care for the home and our two children. I still have a while until I graduate and my SO fully intends on getting married before I graduate. There is the 3 months off in the summer. Most colleges don’t go back to school until mid August. I know a girl who got married last year in the fall while going full time and working full time. Before her classes started she e-mailed each proff. to be sure she could get the time off during the school year for the honeymoon. Worked out well for her.
IMO, it would be more difficult for the female to plan the wedding and go to school and work. I know men get involved but not nearly as much as we do.
Post # 8
I work full time and am in grad school part-time. I take 2 courses a semester (full-time is 3), and it’s a TON of work. He should look into what the potential course load is before committing to doing both full-time, because it is exhausting, even if it is doable. I find myself with a barely existant social life during the academic year.
I picked a fairly long engagement so we could have adequate time to save for and plan the wedding, so I guess it did affect my plans a bit. I’d rather have a few extra months and good savings rather than pushing it, being overly stressed, and not having the kind of money set aside that we want to be able to have.
Post # 9
I understand where you are coming from! My SO and I have been together 3.5 years and during those years….
- I went back to graduate school part-time in the evenings while working full-time. This took me 2 full years (wo/summer breaks) – I graduated last Winter
- He went back to get his Bachelor’s Degree he never got when he was younger. He has done this while working full-time and goes 3 nights a week.
- We have a historic home that we are remodeling.
MY SO’s in his early 30’s and I’m in my late 20’s. I am hoping that we will be getting engaged before 2013 (pieced together from conversations and goals). That being said, he will still not be done with school at that time, since he can only take 3 classes a semester while working. I don’t think that will be a problem for him, because we want a very small, private wedding – just the two of us. There really won’t be much of an engagement/planning process for us other than a few fun decisions on where to go afterwards, a small family dinner, and what to wear to the courthouse.
IMO, If you want him to be a big part of the planning, and if you anticipate alot of leg-work to get the wedding planned, then I would just be honest and tell him that and see what he is thinking. Since he hasn’t started school yet, he may not have thought about it in detail yet or may not want to discuss it until he has a better idea of the time commitment, etc. It really depends on personality too and study habits. I know when I was in grad school, I studied ALL THE TIME – including most weekends – It was stressful. On the other hand, my SO only studies a little during the week and manages to get great grades and not stress too much. It really hasn’t been a big stress on us with him going back to school. If anything, it’s been a blessing because he now will have a more stable, passionate career in a few years and feels self-accomplished. I know my SO needed that before we could move forward to getting married and combining our lives. It took alot of patience on my end since he still has a few years to go, but I think in the end, it is worth it!
Post # 10
Schooling would take about 2+ years, but Im not sure there would be summer breaks like there are in universities. It is more of a technical school where he can get licensed in the trade.
Post # 11
You have a very good point about the men not getting too envolved in the planning. He is the type that would be pretty laid back about it all as long as i didn’t put him in a pink tux…haha
It just freaked me out when he brought this up because we have been talking about plans to get engaged within the next few months for so long and because I have been waiting for about 2 years to finally get to this point and I don’t want anything to sidetrack it now.
Post # 12
You have a great point. I don’t think he was considering how this decision might affect a wedding. I pretty much know colors, venue, food, etc.. that we want for the wedding, so it really wouldn’t require much from him.
His schooling will be mostly hands-on while in class and probably less “book” work than in traditional college. It will be tiring for him working full time and going to school full time, but after reading these posts it has put my mind at ease that these two things can coexist in our lives at the same time.