Post # 1
SO One of my BM’s basically hasnt called, text, emailed me in about 3 months. UNBELIEVABLE. My FH ran into her at the supermarket and didn’t even bother to say hello to him. We were very good friends ( I assumed ) but she has had NO part in the planning. Thankfully my other bm’s and MOH ( who is thousands of miles away) have been to every appt, dress fitting, shopping, everything! I pretty much have come to terms with the fact she doesn’t want to do it. It also bothers me that when someone mentioned to her that she may not be part of the wedding anymore she didn’t understand why. Seriously? How do I explain without sounding like a biotch?
Post # 3
I can SOOO relate with you on this one! I’m sort of having the same problem, except that it is with my MOH. It hasn’t been three months for my but its getting there. Its sucks having to be the “mean guy” but I jus had to tell her. In my case, its with the title of MOH. She seemed like she didn’t know that being MOH, was more than just that title….whic was weird as she has been married and had a crappy MOH herself. I understand that life can get crzy busy and whatnot, but ALL of my BMs have helped me when I needed them without me even asking. I didnt feel that it was fair to them, for my “MOH” to be given all the credit when she hadn’t done anything, so I decided that I wasn’t going to have a MOH. She wasn’t very happy about this but, at this point I dont care very much.
For me, finally telling her how I felt made me feel sooo much better. I would try and just be honest but to let her know how you feel and where you coming from, so to speak. Hope it works out for you, which every way you end up going. 🙂
Post # 4
So, I’m never the popular opinion, but you have to take a look at this from your BMs’ point of view. They all have lives outside of your wedding, and your wedding will never be as important to anyone else as it is to you. I had 7 bridesmaids and I didn’t expect them to do a thing other than buy the dress and show up to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.
Do your bridesmaids know your expectations? Does she have to help you with XX amount of the wedding in order to be worthy of being a bridesmaid? Sorry…I just see these posts so often and girls don’t realize that friendships will end when they ask their bridesmaids to step down. It’s just always such a shame to end a friendship over “she didn’t help me stuff my invitations when I asked her…” or other silly things like that.
Post # 5
@2PeasinaPod: Totally agree with you here. I don’t understand the overabundance of “Should I kick my MOH/BM out of my wedding” posts. Don’t people know who their friends are beforehand? I never wavered…I chose my sister and three of my best friends since childhood. They have been there for me through thick and thin. I don’t need to speak to them everyday for validation of our friendship, nor do I need them to complete wedding tasks to prove it to me. For those who kick BMs out for other reasons like not going to appointments, dress shopping, and DIY projects…there’s no rule stating your BMs have to help you with any of that. Nice if they can, but certainly not required.
@OhmzWifey: I have to disagree with you here. The title MOH is reserved for the friend of honor. Maid is just an old fashioned term. I could be wrong, but I didn’t choose my MOH based on the number of tasks I thought she’d complete before the wedding. I chose her because she’s my sister, my confidante, and my very best friend. It’s not a title given as “credit” for the most wedding projects completed. I hired a planner so I wouldn’t have to rely on my friends and family for everything. Being that my sister/MOH is in Atlanta, the only thing she has done is plan a bachelorette party. I didn’t expect her to leave her children and fly up to Chicago for a weekend to help me stuff envelopes.
Maybe this is just an expectation for those brides that have their bridal parties nearby. I could be way off base with my opinions. However, I never expected my MOH and BMs to assist me. I am in Chicago, and they are in Atlanta, Los Angeles, Tampa, and NYC. The only thing I have asked of them thus far was to get measured and order their dresses. And of course, show up in Chicago the weekend of the wedding.
I agree with @2PeasinaPod, that all the drama isn’t worth losing a friend. At least, in my book it isn’t. My advice to any other brides…choose wisely and really think about who you want to stand up for you. Bridesmaids aren’t required.
Post # 6
@vaness13181: “It’s not a title given as “credit” for the most wedding projects completed.”
EXACTLY. Bridesmaids are not slaves to your wedding. They shouldn’t have to prove to you why you bestowed them with the honor of a MOH or BM title.
Post # 7
I dismissed my MOH. Not because she is way across the country and wouldn’t be able to help me with the planning, but because she is not at all supportive of FI and me getting married.
Post # 8
I’m in a similar situation. I’m having a destination wedding and I think 2 girls just got excited and said yes without thinking of the costs that go along with it. Besides the cost, they haven’t attended one wedding event either myself or my MOH invited them to (important ones such as planning the shower and shopping for my wedding dress). I think I’m going to talk to them this week before they purchase a dress….
Post # 9
Sorry, I should have clarified myself, as I’m not a crzy bride having my bridemaids doing everything for me when I tell them to.I’m quite the the opposite actually, but anywho my MOH, has missed both of my dress fittings where she was going to be shown how to bustle my dress (both of which she didnt have the decency to call and let me know she wouldnt be able to make it), doesn’t answer calls / texts for non-wedding related things, told my family she would plan a bridal shower, and then decide that she has too much to do and didnt tell my family. (My fam was origanlly going to do as they could never get a hold of her.)
I understand that MOH is someone who is special and a part of a bride’s life. But in this case, she’s not a part of mine anymore. She is still in our wedding, but like I said, she hasn’t been apart of really anything, and if she decided not to be a bm, then that is her choice.
As for the “credit”, you would have know our situation to fully understand. I myself agree with you, however it was she that mentions all the time about having “name tags” with titles on them, so that everyone knows who the MOH is…i still dont understand that.
Post # 10
I’m sorry but this post is nuts. You are going to “dismiss” a close friend becaus she doesn’t want to come to every appointment with you? Man I feel bad for your other friends…I can’t imagine going to EVERY appointment even for my closest friends. I have 4 BMs and 2 MOHs. One of my MOH’s is my little sister who literally isn’t doing anything (because i’m not asking her to) and my MOH lives far away and is in law school. And I don’t care!! I chose them because they are my nearest and dearest not because I need to harrass them to do things for me. I feel guilty bringing up stupid wedding related things like asking their opinion on a pair of shoes online because I KNOW no one cares as much as I do and people have LIVES.
And also dismiss? really? this isn’t a dog or an employee. This is your friend that you have been friends with for years for a reason!!!!
You can’t explain without sounding like a biotch because frankly you are acting like one. Sorry for the snark.
Post # 11
I have a ton of disinterested bridesmaids, but as someone mentioned earlier-my wedding is not the most important thing in their life, they have there own stuff going on! I haven’t asked for their help in anything, except picking out their own dress. However, I did have major MOH drama that had nothing to do with my wedding, that ended in her leaving my bridal party and no longer being my friend. If your friend’s flakiness is extending to normal things (nights out, calling just to talk), then I would discuss things with her. I tried and tried to reach out to my MOH before she finally stepped down, and a few of my friends still blamed me.
Post # 12
I had to dismiss two of my BMs. They kept putting off things like trying on the dresses-which they selected! I asked one of them to help me design the wedding cake and she dismissed me. I haven’t heard from them since. I told myself that I would wait and so, I waited… and waited… Finally, I woke up one day and send them a text message informing them that I was cutting down on the bridal party and asked them to join as wedding guests! Never felt better.
Post # 13
I see everyones point and honestly i agree with all of you. I just figured because at her wedding, she had the same expectations and when they were not met she had the same view that i am having now. I don’t want to DISMISS our relationship but I feel like I was there for every aspect of her wedding and did everything she asked, so maybe being a bridesmaid isnt her top priority and I get that but I also wanted her to share some moments with me as I did with her. I love her of course she is a long time friend and never want to ruin a friendship over non-sense I just want her to be more involved because it is a special time. @Schrutebeets Dismissing her maybe isnt the right move or TERM for it if I was going to do it, but please don’t jump on me because of my feelings towards something, I was asking opinions from people who have felt the same way. but Thank you.