Post # 1
So I’ve read on a few blogs about non-bridesmaids. Anyone heard about this? Your girlfriends are asked to help you with wedding planning, even throwing a shower with your mother or putting on the bachelorette party, but they don’t have to parade down the aisle in matching dresses with flowers in hand. Instead, they show up in a dress, top/skirt or even a pantsuit in a color from your wedding palette and help you with the day of preparations. They might even sit in the front row.
I’ve thought about this as an option, and then I wonder, doesn’t that basically make them a bridesmaid if they wear your wedding colors, help out, etc? Or am I wrong? Part of me wants the traditional parade of girls down the aisle standing up there with me and part of me doesn’t want to deal with the, "I don’t really like dark chocolate for a BM dress color, but I guess I’ll wear it if you want me to." Or getting upset because the bridal party doesn’t help out like you wished they would because although they are happy for you they aren’t that involved.
Post # 3
i was one in my friend’s wedding. her sisters were the official bridesmaid – but we (her close friends) basically performed the bridesmaid duties (showers, helping set up, etc). we were given leeway on the dresses and hair, etc which was nice. we were also given roles in the ceremony, which was another nod to us and our importance in her life. it was the bride’s way of having us involved w/o having too large a party / offending her sisters.
i’m not having a bridal party at all but have roped different friends into various aspects of my wedding planning and hope they can take on small tasks on that day (that bridesmaids usually do) to make sure the whole thing works smoothly. i see the upside as being that they don’t have to buy a dress, etc (since they have full flexibility on what to wear) nor throw me a shower / bachelorette party, but they can still be an integral part of my day. i thought that the flexibility would be nice given how tight everyone’s budgets are this year.
Post # 4
To me that sounds like bridesmaids, but just a modern twist. Who says that they’re not bridesmaids just ’cause they don’t wear matching dresses? Piffle.
That said, I’m having one person stand up with me — my maid of honour — but I will probably try to involve my sister as much as possible. However, I really don’t think that I’d call her a "bridesmaid", but maybe she will be. We’ll see. =)
Post # 5
I’m only—as of right now if I have a bridal party—three girls. One including my sister. I have a feeling if I don’t make her my MOH then my life with be very stressful. However I’m trying to figure out what to do. I have one friend who is married with two adorable little girls and lives in another state (so she can’t do a whole lot until she gets here for the day–no biggie) and the other friend has already been very, "Well why don’t you use fake flowers then? There’s nothign wrong with them. I don’t understand why you won’t use them." I think she is a tad jealous because my parents are helping pay for my wedding (and FI and I are helping with a large chunk too!) but her parents have already said they will not be able to help with a dime.
Can you see the situation I’m in. Do I have them or not? Or just include them somehow? FI isn’t particularly close to this two groomsmen so it’s hard. They knew each other in high school but don’t really hang out now. ::sigh:: I’d say give the girls other duties for the day, but we aren’t doing readings, we aren’t doing a guestbook attendant (I think that is a horrible job)…what else can they do?
Post # 6
@Curlysue – I think it’s really important to do what you want for your wedding. If you don’t want these other girls as bridesmaids, you can just say that you’ve chosen to have a small bridal party because you want your wedding to be simple. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends, or having them there the day of you be with you isn’t special and needed and important – it just means you have a different vision for your wedding. Which is fine.
We’re not having a bridal party at all. Instead, I’ve asked all my friends to spend time with me on the wedding weekend and help out beforehand as they see fit. I think they appreciate not having to buy a dress, get their hair done, etc., while also being there for the good stuff (spending time with me on our day).
You can recognize the girls in other ways during the ceremony and after. Give them a corsage. Ask them to read a blessing. Seat them in the front row. Ask one of them to give you the rings (in lieu of a ringbearer). Don’t feel pinned in by what you "have" to do!
Sorry for the long post. I’ve just seen many friends badgered in to having bridesmaids, or not naming me MOH over another girl…and this should really be your stress-free day. Make it happen for yourself! 🙂
Post # 7
Curly Sue – we’re not having any of those either.. but here are some tasks i’ve figured out thus far:
speech introducing you as a couple, rounding people up for group photos; assemble the favors; assist in your makeup trials / dress shopping, cake tasting – depending on their interests and strengths, usher; arriving early at the venue to confirm that all the vendors have set things up properly, etc (in lieu of a DoC – we can’t afford one on our budget!); coordinating a group for manis / pedis the day before – we have a lot of OOT guests and this will be my way of spending time w/ some of my closest friends, in lieu of a shower / bachelorette. everyone needs their nails done before an event right?
just make sure to give them all a big shout out during your welcome / thank you speech.
(ps: i’ve got about 5-7 people who would be in my bridal party if i had one)
Post # 8
We’re not having a wedding party. My BFF is my "Jess of Honor" and has been helping me mostly with moral support. She will sit with her family during the wedding (where she’ll be the most comfortable) and wear whatever she wants.
Post # 9
I tried, and I really wanted them to just wear something they felt pretty in…but they’ve gone behind my back and decided to coordinate (I think they’re doing the same color dresses in different styles from J.Crew or someplace like that). I’m a little upset because I didn’t want matchy bridesmaids at all, but obviously I can’t tell them to wear whatever they want and then say I don’t like what they’ve chosen! They’ll sit in the front row, but I haven’t yet decided whether they’ll walk down the aisle to get to their seats or if they’ll just filter in with all the other guests. Sigh.
Post # 10
I’m having only my brother stand up with me. If you wanted to honor them somehow, you could list them as "honorary bridesmaids" in the program or have a section for "Special thanks to …"