Post # 1
Within the last week, we just found out one of my closest friends has separated from her husband and more than likely headed for divorce.
I wanted to reach out to ask what the best things are that I could do to support her through this difficult time. Unfortunately, I live out of state, so sitting at her house with a big box of tissues and a bowl of ice cream isn’t an option .
I did think about sending her a little care package and including some sort of reference or resource that might bring some comfort. Possibly this book? Surviving Separation and Divorce http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Separation-Divorce-Loriann-Oberlin/dp/B00171758Q/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1373570339&sr=1-24
What else should I include in the care package? What else can I do? I do send her messages daily just to see how she’s doing. Today was particularly bad, so I want to do something nice to bring her some comfort.
Post # 3
@MrsEdamame: My last reply got killed by the storm. Here’s a short version.
Just be there for her. It’s a tough, ugly time, and she needs someone to listen, even when she’s doing nothing but crying. I don’t know how much the book will help right away, but maybe in the long run. When I got divorced, I cried for 2 weeks straight.
A care package is an awesome idea, but make it light and sweet. Cookies, puzzles, something to get her mind off what she is going through. Grieving takes time, and it’s especially rough when you lost what you thought would last for a lifetime.
Mostly though, just being there, checking in on her, letting her know you are there. That will do a world of good. -hugs- to your friend and you.
Post # 4
@MrsEdamame: Wow, you are a great friend! When I was separated from my exH, the only responses I got from friends/mutual friends was that we needed to work it out. Nobody wanted to hear that we were divorcing. It made it extremely hard and I honestly had to cut those people out of my life.
Keep in contact w/her, maybe a phone call here and there. A care package sounds like a great idea maybe with a few funny chick flicks!
Post # 5
Thanks for the suggestions! I’ve been making sure to send at least a message or two every day to let her know I’m thinking of her. It’s so hard to not be in the same city!!
Post # 6
You are an awesome friend. A care package is a lovely idea. Maybe a journal would be nice to add in, it was a great help to me write my thoughts down during my separation as it enabled me to get the whizzing thoughts out of head. A budget planner was also a great tool for me as I was now on a single income. A savings jar for treats to focus her mind on new things.
Post # 7
I would have appreciated a care package. Make a note to yourself for their first anniversary after the separation and make sure to just send her a little note that day. My first wedding anniversary after we split was particularly lonely.
I appreciated all my friends who took the time to help me work through everything, who assured me divorce is okay, and even all my friends who reassure me now that it’s okay for me to want to be a bride even though I’m Divorced. There’s a huge stigma about divorce and especially if your friend is young. Just knowing that you are not broken can be so reassuring.
Post # 8
I think the book and care package sound like a great idea! Also, just picking up the phone (when it’s possible) when she calls is another great way to be there even when you actually can’t be. Is there a show that you both watch? You can have “friend dates” over the phone or computer to help keep her mind off of the divorce.
Post # 9
I agree. My divorce was stressful, and it made me feel like an outsider (I was young). Just letting her know that you will always be there, never judge her, and support her decisions are the best things that show her you care. The care package is a really thoughtful idea!
Post # 10
Just be a friend and call often. I’ve been divorced twice. My first marriage was the result of religious pressure from our families and we were vey young. That was a long time ago when living together was very secretive. My divorce was relatively painless – we remained friends. Then I was married for 25 years and even though my women friends knew a divorce was inevitable, when it happened I felt shunned. Freinds knew I’d been thrugh counseling alone and as a couple, they knew the pain I lived with yet when it actually happened some acted like I was carrying a contagious disease.
Just call your friend – even every day if just for a minute. Behave as if she was going through a bad illness. She doesn’t really need a gift basket, just a shoulder.