Post # 1
I’m considering not having one.
I have a lot of issues with my mother. I think she has an undiagnosed mental illness. (I explained it further in my other post here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-mother-is-making-this-very-difficult-for-me-long-ventneed-some-support). She has a tendency to make most, if not all, situations solely about her. She has told me that my wedding day is going to be “such a hard day” for her because both of her ex-husbands will be there and OMG what will everyone think?!??
The problem lies in that my stepmom wants to plan the shower with my mom and my FMIL. My mom hasn’t shown any interest in planning at all, other than criticizing the choices that I and my FH have made so far. Mom and stepmom don’t get along… at all. I’m anticipating a lot of drama, and when I think about the shower and the wedding, all I feel is anxiety.
What would I be losing out on if I didn’t have a shower?
Post # 3
I don’t think its up to you sweet cheeks, lol! Seriously though – it sounds like ur having a rough time of it with your mother and believe me, been there, still there, hate it! If you really don’t want one, I would start spreading the word now. Although someone still might throw one as a surprise so just roll with it if it happens.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’d be missing out. I chose not to have one and am happy that I didn’t. Of course, it’s up to the MOH/BMs to generally organise but I find it completely acceptable to politely decline if they offer. I think showers are gift-grabbing occasions. People generally buy you something for an engagement and then for the wedding so in my opinion that is sufficient.
Post # 5
I opted for no Shower. I live in California and my family is in NH so it seemed silly to me. I am having similar mother-issues too.
I think its fine!
Post # 6
Nope, I didn’t have one either. We couldn’t fit it in. I live in a different state from where the wedding was.
Post # 7
I am alittle older and we are pretty settled so I don’t think it’s good form to have one. My MOH is alittle disappointed as are my FSILs, but I just told them we would have an afternoon tea at a local tea parlor to thank them for all they do for me. That evened the swells for them, then I can invite only those I really want to thank (and I can leave my sister out, I know that mean, but you would have to know her).
Post # 8
I didn’t have one and I don’t feel like I missed anything at all.
Post # 9
I’m planning on not having one, even if people suggest it, there’s really no point. I’m migrating to Australia and the wedding (obviously) is going to be there. My family is flying over for the wedding, so other than my mother, father, and brother, I don’t have any of my friends or anyone else I really know. I mean, yeah, I know his family, but it’s just not the same. I think if you just politely say no, they’ll understand. For me it was easy to weigh out – I would probably feel sad and that it was a waste of an evening, for you it might be that there is a big chance of stress and drama which you’d be willing to miss out on. If you really want it though, then let them do it for you 🙂
Post # 10
it’s nice knowing there are a lot of other people who aren’t having a shower! i don’t even want boxed presents for our wedding because we are moving a few months afterward.
Post # 11
I didn’t have a shower. We got married in an unplanned, last minute JoP wedding that only our parents and siblings attended. There was no shower. Heck, after living together for over 8 years and having 3 kids together before getting married, what did I need a shower for? We had everything we needed!!!
What did I lose out on? NOTHING!!!!!
Post # 12
I didn’t have one. We got married in April by civil ceremony due to immigration requirements, and in addition to that, we are currently living with my folks while our savings recovers from immigration and long distance dating and while my husband gets settled in and gets a job, so we have literally no space to store things. I had some people try to pressure me into having a shower prior to our October ceremony, but it just felt wrong since either it would come across as a money grab or I’d be basically lying about stuff I needed knowing that I’d be returning it all for cash because I simply don’t have the space. I really don’t feel like I missed out on anything. 🙂
Post # 13
Go with your gut. IF you are having anxiety about it, listen to your body. My sister insisted on an engagement dinner (i’m 40, she’s 60, mom’s 84) and while the food she prepared was lovely, it was delayed and she had too much to drink. I was horrified and the anxiety I had before was a sign that things weren’t going to go well. She’s mentioned a bridal shower and I said no nicely at least 3 times and this week it exploded because I finally put my foot down and said no.
Your wedding is about YOU and not anyone else. Don’t let your mind worry about your mom – I know it’s hard to do but she’s not your responsibility and it’s not your fault she has two exs.
WRite a list of what you really want your day to feel like and focus on you. Women in our society are always taking care of others, right now take care of yourself. This is a special time for you.