(Closed) Anyone hide expenses?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

FI and I are paying for the wedding. I bought $200 Burberry rainboots for the engagement shoot (which I didn’t end up wearing, oops) because they had little hearts on them. We’re having an outdoor wedding, so if it rains I can wear them at the wedding. I’m probably the only bride who prays for rain, LOL! So anywho, they had a matching umbrella. It cost nearly as much as the boots. I bought it and told FI it came with the boots because I knew he would freak out, LOL!!! I feel sort of bad, but it’s too freakin adorable to feel really bad about 😉

Post # 4
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve totally been doing that too – even when I’m not being reimbursed, because I don’t want people to know how much I paid for a particular thing! 

Post # 5
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Haha absolutely. I am in the same boat as the poster. My parents are paying for esssentially all of our wedding shindig. I tried to make it clear when I got engaged that we would happily pay for part of the wedding, but it meant that the wedding would have to be after my fiance finished grad school. Little did I know that my parents had already picked out and booked the venue for us the DAY we got engaged. Alas, they call most of the shots and pay most of the bills. But I have a guilty conscience so I am paying for various things along the way and hiding it from my Mom (dress alterations, plane tickets, invitations, etc).

Post # 6
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes. In everyday life as well! (not from FI, just from parents and FILs.) My parents don’t help me out financially, but the FILs have a way of, er, amping up gift amounts or paying for things if we let on that we’re hurting. So we don’t! It’s so generous of them but I would feel weird taking their money when they already do so much for us (they employ us at their business.) 

With the wedding, it’s not so hard because my parents are contributing X amount, which won’t cover everything by a long shot. So I pay for a lot of small things out of pocket, and plan to continue to do so. They won’t be paying for invites, save the dates, the cake, etc. 

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yup.  I’ve done the same thing.  I’m so grateful for everything that my parents are giving me.  But I don’t want to take advantage.  So when they say they’ll pay for something specific, I’ll pay for as much of it as I can.  For instance, the photographer is $4,000 (yikes), but I felt horrible making them spend that so I paid half of it.  They don’t know as much but its important to me to only accept money for what I can’t do on my own.  I won’t even let them give me $40 to replace the gift card holder (that my cat peed on so its rusty!!).  I’ll handle it.

I also do this with my FI.  Because I feel like if he knew the cost of certain things, he’d die.  Like, he doesn’t need to know that the flowers were $2,000, he won’t think its necessary (it totally is). 

 

Post # 8
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um… i would not say hiding but I’d say maybe downplaying? FI and I are paying for a larger portion of the wedding and we do have a set budget– which he watches over more strictly than I do. For right now we keep separate accounts and then we just have a shared house and wedding account set up that we each put money into and when we buy things for house or wedding we’re supposed to “pay ourselves back” out of those accounts. 

Well… if I buy something little for the wedding. Like lets say $40 in stamps and supplies at michaels… I might not pay myself back out of our wedding account for that. 

Post # 9
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I crazy do this! My mom is the same way, if I let her know what I spent she’ll pay me back, but its just the actual letting her know part that I have trouble with! Weird I know but I can’t help it!!

Post # 10
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah I’ve definitely done this too.  My parents are paying for the wedding and they have been paying me for things I’ve bought.  I just conveniently forgot to mention I bought all of the centerpiece stuff lol.  Like you said, my parents are more than happy to do it but I just know the catering is going to be a lot (200 guest list) so I’ve been trying to get all the little stuff that adds up.  My parents did get my dress and photographer already. 

Post # 11
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Definitely guilty here! My mom thought that my in-laws were paying for our flowers, and they had offered. The thing is, my MIL thought flowers were around the $250-$500 range. Unfortunately, not when you have a bridal party of 14 and over 30 tables to put a centerpiece on. Needless to say, they gave us $500, and we paid the rest of the expenses. We just told my parents they were paying for the flowers rather than rock the boat. My mom was already upset about their lack of giving. I didn’t expect much from them b/c I know they don’t have a lot of money…but my mom didn’t really understand.

Post # 12
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I definitely didn’t really discuss major costs of things with people aside from my husband during the wedding. I don’t know, I don’t really like talking about money with people – pretty sure I get that from my parents because they were always very hush hush about money when I was growing up. I didn’t even figure out how much they make in a year until like 2 years ago when my mom cosigned on a student loan.

Other times I didn’t tell my husband exactly how much some things were costing, mainly because I knew he would flip out. I told him if he asked me that he didn’t want to know and that seemed to work for him lol He just went along with it and I spared him the constant pain I felt every time I had to pay a vendor.

I did do that sometimes though with my parents. Like I told them that the church costs were $200 when really they were $400. I just felt guilty about it.

Post # 13
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have been doing this with small things also, such as supplies for my DIY invites. If the FI knew what my paper cutter cost, he would not be very happy about it.

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