Anyone honestly UNSURE about kids?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel the same way, and DH was ready to start having kids the day we got married.  I know we’ll eventually have a couple, but I’m trying to put it off so we can save more and travel more.

Post # 4
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@IzzyBear:  I have always known that I want to be a mom someday. I don’t know how to explain it, really, other than I just have this strong, unflailing feeling about it. I have always loved kids and really feel like my life would not be complete without having my own children (either biologically or through adoption). So no, I have never felt unsure about it.

It sounds to me like you may be sure that you don’t want kids but aren’t willing to admit it. I know people get a lot of flack if/when they don’t want kids, so I can see how that would be scary to admit to others (and yourself).

It’s great that you and your husband are on the same page! It doesn’t sound like either of you will be terribly disappointed either way.

Post # 5
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am also on the fence.  I always thought I would have them because “that’s what you do” but recently have realized that doesn’t have to be the case.  I don’t really like babies or most children, and already feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I have to do, plus all the awesome stuff I want to do.

My DH is more in favour of kids than I am, but not for another 5-7 years at least.  Neither of us have any desire to have children right now.

Post # 6
Member
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@IzzyBear:  Sometimes I feel undecided. I dont ever think “Oooh I cant wait to have kids!!” — I usually look at babies & say “how cute” & thats it. I never even actually want to babysit them, let alone have one to care for. Im 25 now & FI is 27, so I think we arent ready. FI says he wants 1 or 2 — I think I could do just 1, if any. My plan is to let it be until FI really gets the urge. I just have no desire right now, at all. I love to sleep in, work my two jobs, & do as I please without having to plan my life around a baby. Selfish, yes. But I totally understand your thoughts.

Post # 7
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

We both are on the fence. We talk about a hypothetical future with children sometimes, but then the thought of actually having kids is super scary to us. We like being able to be spontaneous, sleep in, and go out at night. Until we can stop partying and want to settle down I don’t think we’re really going to revisit the issue. 

Post # 8
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m still undecided. If we do have kids, it won’t be for a few years yet, so I’m hoping that my feelings shift one way or the other in the meantime. I know that for me personally, the fact that I don’t have any nieces and nephews and haven’t spent much time with kids as an adult (so, not counting all the babysitting I did as a teenager) doesn’t help my indecision. It’s possible that as more of my close friends start to have kids, I’ll start to get an idea of what I want. Or at least I’m hoping I do!

Post # 9
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@IzzyBear:  we are also on the fence. There are a lot of logical reasons not to have them, and only one reason to have them that I can think of: love. 

Post # 10
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Nothing wrong with being unsure.  We are still undecided and it will likely stay that way for a while.  I have a lot of friends who have always known that they wanted to be a mom, but I have never had that feeling.  We both know that we would be good parents and agree on a lot of the usual parenting decisions/styles, but we just don’t feel like we’re at that point where we’re ready to decide.  We both want to wait several years and see where our careers and finances take us before making such a big decision.

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@IzzyBear:  We are on the fence…

Our only concern is when we are older we will regret it because everyone will have all their children & grandchildren etc…

But as far as actually raising them, the money it takes, no sleep, no life, no traveling, never being just him &me again….ummmm we don’t know, lol

Post # 13
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m undecided. I always thought I’d have kids – loved growing up with my siblings, worked with kids for awhile, but then recently, I started noticing how much times have changed and I’m not sure I want kids in today’s environment. 

FI is supportive either way, and we’d either have none, one or twins so there isn’t a lot of pressure from him. I’m not in my 20’s anymore, so our window for trying is going to close pretty soon. 

So tl;dr we’re in the same boat and haven’t decided. 

Post # 14
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@IzzyBear:  I get what you mean. We’re kind of the same way. We like the idea of it but don’t necessarily want all the work. We’re going to wait until we are sure, because regretting having a kid and then resenting your own child would probably be the worst thing ever!! We decided we’ll revisit the issue in our 30s, after I’m done with school.

Post # 16
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

My husband wants kids more than I do.  I don’t see how we can have a baby in our house with its mess and lack of organization…all of which is due to my husband acting like he is 23 instead of 33.  Like seriously, do you need a drum set and to save all your beer bottles?  Um no.  So I don’t see how we can physically care for a child.  And I feel meh about the whole thing.  

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