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My mom had two miscarriages - I was only in late elementary school, but I know she was showing and I think they were both around the end of the second trimester, maybe beginning of the third. My parents have four kids and both the miscarriages happened between my second and third sibling. Don't know why, she didn't have problems before and didn't after, and is like super mom in terms of making sure to be careful.
I know you said you aren't looking for sympathy, but I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've never been pregnant, but I used to intern with a grief counselor at a hospital. We spoke with parents who lost babies, in and out of the womb. There were a lot of parents in your situation. I don't know if anyone on weddingbee has lost their baby, but you're certainly not alone. I don't know your story, but please don't let anyone tell you that your grief isn't a big deal. It's a huge deal.
I have been pregnant four times and gave birth to two sons First pregnancy lost at two months, second pregnancy successful, third pregnancy lost at five months, fourth pregnancy successful. It was very hard, and after my second son was born, I told my husband "No more" even though I wanted more children. I just couldn't take the chance. My doctors gave me no explanation, but said there was no reason I couldn't carry a baby to term.
I hope your next pregnancy goes without incident and a healthy baby is born to you and your husband. Best wishes.
A very good friend of mine had a supposedly healthy, normal pregnancy ... did everything right, all looking good, and then lost the baby at birth. A small tear in the placenta right at term ... the baby bled out, had no heartbeat and was not breathing at birth. They managed to resuscitate her, but she was massively brain-damaged and did not survive. It was absolutely shocking and devastating. Even the doctors were in tears.
I think you're always somewhat braced for a miscarriage early on. I had one at 10 weeks, and it was terrible, but nothing to compare to losing a baby at birth or so close to term. Once you get past a certain point, you just assume everything is good, or that if it isn't, something can be done. We also think that if we do everything right, the outcome is guaranteed, but clearly that is not true. Not that we shouldn't do all the right things, of course!
The good part of the story: my friend and her fiance were brave enough to try again, and she (at age 44!) gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl just over a year after losing their first.
I'm sure until you're holding your baby in your arms, you're going to be feeling anxious. It's sad that you won't be able to fully enjoy your pregnancy because of that. I am still pretty paranoid in this pregnancy, and I'm at 24 weeks now. I wish you all the best and will pray for you.
I lost my son at around 26 weeks. I also did everything by the book. I know you're not looking for sympathy, but I am sorry. I have since then had a healthy girl, and I'm now 21 weeks pregnant with a boy. But I still grieve for my son, it's a hard thing to come to peace with. I wish you much love.
Thanks everyone. It's just hard thinking about getting pregnant again since I've never carried one fully to term. I really just want to meet someone in the same boat and none of the other forums I got have anyone (kind of crazy because there's so many women who've lost). Just figured I'd give it a shot so that we could coach each other through.
My MIL lost a baby boy at 6 months. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but the loss spurred her and my FIL to try for another about a year later (who turned out to be my husband). Even though they're now divorced, they still call each other on the anniversary every year. My MIL went on to have three healthy children.
Also, the mother of one of my classmates lost a baby at 9 months. She was scheduled to be induced, then she suddenly stopped feeling the baby move. They found out later there was a chromosomal abnormality. She did "everything right" as well, but some things we simply can't control.
@TheFutureMcBride: So sorry to hear, do they have any idea what caused it? Perhaps there is something there that can help you know it won't happen again....
I didnt lose my baby but I came very close and had him 2 months early. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks so they could save me and him. I was in the Special Mothers unit and saw many moms come and go that lost their babies. Even in the NICU watching my baby and other tiny babies cling to life was aweful. I contemplate having another baby. I know now I have a greater chance of my baby and myself dying in the next pregnancy.
I wish you all the best. I read the other day of a woman who had my condition and lost her baby and she said that her child was just too beautiful for earth. I love how she turned something so awful into something so touching. I hope this time next year your on her posting pics of your new baby! You'll get yours. Some babies are just "too beautiful for earth". Best wishes!
i just wanted to thank you for this post. we are soon going to be ttc, and they don't tell you about the chance of loosing your baby that far along. it never really even crossed my mind. i guess i thought that once you made it through the first trimester, everything was good. i am so sorry for your loss, and i will pray for your next pregnancy. it always seems like this is a problem that happens to women few and far between, but obviously is more common. i wish there was more awareness, because if it wasn't for you, i may have never thought about it.. thanks agian! best wishes
My aunt lost her baby very late term (I think 8 months or so) and he was delivered stillborn - they knew he had died, but wanted to get him baptized. I know it was incredibly hard for her, because they had been TTC for awhile, and by late in the term you've really invested in your child.
They did in vitro fertilization about a year and a half later, and had a beautiful baby girl successfully. The doctors told them they couldn't get pregnant again, stitched her up, and they went home. About a year later they were having a beautiful baby boy - it has a funny way of happening! Anyway, I know that their son who died will always be important to them. He had a name, a room, etc. But they, like you, were strong enough to move on and I think that's just amazing.
@Janna19 - They did everything to find out what happened, but there's no answer as with 60% of stillbirths.
@brittanymichelle - No one talks about stillbirths except those who go through it and some of us try to forget. Here's some statistics I found:
There are 3,000 babies a year who die from SIDS
There are 28,600 babies a year who are stillborn. Of those babies, only 40% or right over 11,000, ever have a reason for dying.
Moose is one of the 60% with no cause. It's scary, but women should know. I had no idea Moose could die after the first trimester and, when I made it to 24 weeks, I knew Moose could live outside my womb, so I lost all my fear of anything happening to Moose. I mean, I read. I read everything, but I never saw anything about a baby dying for no reason or anything about loss after 28 weeks.
@Kare7213 - I've been told that Moose was too good for Earth and out of everything I was told, it was the only thing which didn't make me want to scream at the person for saying something dumb. And I hope to hold my Caribou or Emu or whatever the nickname will be next year too, but I refuse to get my hopes up before I am actually holding my child.
Thanks again everyone.
@TheFutureMcBride - I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it have been, and continues to be, for you. I wish you great happiness and a successful full-term delivery when you TTC :)
Those stats you gave - are those worldwide or just the US?
@TheFutureMcBride: I'm so sorry. Fortunately, I don't know anyone close to me who has lost one that late. I can't even fathom. My grandmother lost her son to SIDS and it was devastating for the whole family. She didn't take it well at all.
The fact that those stats are just for the US is blowing my mind. I had no idea there were that many!
I had a friend who carried full term and it was born stillborn. I can't imagine how devistating it is but i saw. It happened right before i got pregnant so the whole time i was prego i worried and worried because it can happen to anybody, ya know. But WOW, those stats are crazyyyy. good luck TTC!
Those are some sobering statistics.
Thank you for sharing your story. And although you aren't looking for sympathy, please allow me to offer my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of Moose. A girlfriend of mine lost her baby one week before he was due. It was devastating and since it was her first pregnancy, it made her very nervous. A family member lost twins about half way through the pregnancy. But both my friend and family member later went on to have very healthy children. I think it is important to grieve your loss and allow yourself time to heal, and also try to remember that losing Moose doesn't mean that you cannot have a successful full term pregnancy.
I wish you all the best.
@TheFutureMcBride: those are extremely alarming statistics, that there is no large orginization support group or funding for research... that is even more alarming.. our babies are dying and no one wants to try and fix it!! i'm a bit angry now, and very concerned for women who have gone through this... i mean, who knows... that could be me someday, or anyone i know...
I have a cousin who lost her baby girl at 6 1/2 months. I had had several friends who lost babies early- 10 or 12 weeks, but had never experienced someone losing a baby that late in their pregnancy. It was really shocking to everyone- because you really just don't expect it. She went on to have two healthy boys.
Miscarriages are natures way of ending a birth that is not viable in some way. That is what I was told by my doctors. In some cases, it's the mother's body that does not allow the baby to grow, and in some cases it's an abnormality in the baby that causes the miscarriage. There are so many variables that it is hard to diagnose. Not easy, but nature's way.
Hi, I miscarried much earlier so I am not in the same boat. Although you did not do In Vitro like me this website (the forum) offers lots of support for women who have miscarried and just lots of info in general. I hope you find what you are looking for, check it out. xoxoxo
A very close friend of mine went through this on several occasions. She miscarried several times early on...not as late as you though.
She in lost a baby a few hours after he was born bc of Tay Sachs and troubles with his lungs. We were devestated over it.
I am happy to report now that she is the mother to a wonderful baby who is almost 1 and I wish you all the best of luck because I can not even imagine your pain.
But the whole point of this is to let you know there are several face book groups for mothers who are coping with the loss of a child *either through late miscarriage or after birth* I also hope you find strength and support with your family. May God Bless you with a wonderful home and family.
@sudslover - I did not miscarry; I gave birth to a stillborn baby. They are two different things. Miscarriages happen before the 20th week. Stillbirths happen after the baby can live outside of the mother's womb and is completely formed, so the mother has to enter the maternity ward and give birth to a dead baby. Therefore it is not the mother's body rejecting a bunch of abnormal cells; this is a full formed baby. Many people get it wrong and call stillbirth miscarriage, but they are completely different. Miscarriage usually means bleeding and the cells to make the baby were passed, possibly a large mass. I'm not trying to say that miscarriage is less horrible an experience, but they are different. Trust me.
@ashleykaye15 - I know about the FB groups and some other groups. It's just they tend to be all depressed and don't want to move on. I want to remember my child, but I want to enjoy my life because that's what I imagine my child to want for me.
@brittanymichelle - yeah. it's very alarming. What makes me mad is, in the area I live, there is one support group for Mothers of Angel Babies (meets one time a month) and over 15 for new mothers. I tried to start something with the hospital I delierved at and they have to get approval for anything, so nothing has happened. I have to drive 45 minutes for the only support group around. Plus, the stigma of talking about stillborn babies. It's like people think the moms did something to kill their babies when sometimes the cord didn't form correctly and nutrients cannot be supplied to the baby. It's not something they know from a sonagram or can fix.
@TheFutureMcBride: You are so right. About misconceptions and support groups. It's been seven years and people still call losing my son a miscarriage (my son was actually a live birth, but he didn't live more than an hour). I feel like I've made my peace with that loss, but it's still like a punch to the heart when I have to correct people or explain to people about it, which is somewhat magnified now that I'm pregnant. I still feel compelled to offer the correct explanation, though, I'm not sure why. Maybe bc I feel like he was mine for so short a time, that I'll be damned if someone has his story wrong. As far as support groups go, they didn't help me at all. I felt like people were telling how I was supposed to feel and I was supposed to deal with it. I threw myself into work and taking care of my daughter and I had one great friend who helped me through the first six months or so, when even my mom and sisters didn't know how to be around me. You are definitely in my thoughts.
It's one reason we're getting married, but not the only reason. People don't acknowledge Moose and say crazy things. As for support groups, the one I found is the women talking about their loss and the woman leading it doesn't say anything except if there's silence. Since we're going to be trying again soon, it's all just really scary for me as it hasn't been a year since we lost Moose.
And I get upset too when people say miscarrige instead of actually acknowledging Moose was a baby.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this and educating us about the difference between a stillbirth and a miscarriage. It's something I would not have realized. I can see how it must be very frustrating to feel as though your experience is misunderstood. I'm sorry for your loss and hope that you are able to get approval for your support group. It sounds like you could really make a difference to moms in your area. Best wishes.
Honestly, thank you everyone. Some people treat this subject like a hot potato and no one here has done that. It's one reason why I figured I'd look in this group to find someone else who has lost.
@snmcdowell - I will be trying to do more, but it's hard when I have to commute to work, plan a wedding, deal with our loss, and just have time to live.
A friend from church gave birth to a stillborn baby and she was and still is devastated. She had no idea until she gave birth. I have no idea how to comfort her or what to say. Just wanted to say you're not alone.
@DanielleZara: Thanks! I know I'm not alone because the day I returned to work the first person to ask me about the baby lost his second child to a cord defect at 7 months. After that, I had tons of people tell me about how they lost one of their babies.
Unfortunately, yes. I volunteer with an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. They have a message board there for parents.
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
@aliciareneephotography: Im so sorry for your loss and sorry you join me in this overall suckiness (for a lack of a word(s) which actually describe this pain). Ive heard about that, but we didnt contact anyone with them. We chose to not see our baby because we wanted to remember Moose just the way he or she was while playing air guitar to Rush (the band) while in my womb. If you ever want to talk, let me know.
I know this is an old, old thread, but isn't it wonderful that TheFutureMcBride has now had a healthy baby girl???
thanks! I was worried because I thought someone lost their baby, but it's so amazing taking Wombat home.
You know, when I first read your other thread I thought the baby was actually going to be named Wombat... :P
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I'm not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me how sad it is; I just want to know if there's anyone who's baby died after the 7 month mark. Moose passed away at 8.5 months Since we're planning on getting pregnant again right after the wedding, I just wanted to know if anyone is in the same boat as McGroom and I.
And just to keep mean or weird posts: I did absolutly EVERYTHING I was supposed to do, ate extremely healthy, went to several different birthing classes, saw our doctor regularly, took prenatals, refused to eat anything which could possibly harm Moose, and anything else I read about from multiple reliable sources.