Post # 1
I’m not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me how sad it is; I just want to know if there’s anyone who’s baby died after the 7 month mark. Moose passed away at 8.5 months Since we’re planning on getting pregnant again right after the wedding, I just wanted to know if anyone is in the same boat as McGroom and I.
And just to keep mean or weird posts: I did absolutly EVERYTHING I was supposed to do, ate extremely healthy, went to several different birthing classes, saw our doctor regularly, took prenatals, refused to eat anything which could possibly harm Moose, and anything else I read about from multiple reliable sources.
Post # 3
My mom had two miscarriages – I was only in late elementary school, but I know she was showing and I think they were both around the end of the second trimester, maybe beginning of the third. My parents have four kids and both the miscarriages happened between my second and third sibling. Don’t know why, she didn’t have problems before and didn’t after, and is like super mom in terms of making sure to be careful.
I know you said you aren’t looking for sympathy, but I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 4
I’ve never been pregnant, but I used to intern with a grief counselor at a hospital. We spoke with parents who lost babies, in and out of the womb. There were a lot of parents in your situation. I don’t know if anyone on weddingbee has lost their baby, but you’re certainly not alone. I don’t know your story, but please don’t let anyone tell you that your grief isn’t a big deal. It’s a huge deal.
Post # 5
I have been pregnant four times and gave birth to two sons First pregnancy lost at two months, second pregnancy successful, third pregnancy lost at five months, fourth pregnancy successful. It was very hard, and after my second son was born, I told my husband “No more” even though I wanted more children. I just couldn’t take the chance. My doctors gave me no explanation, but said there was no reason I couldn’t carry a baby to term.
I hope your next pregnancy goes without incident and a healthy baby is born to you and your husband. Best wishes.
Post # 6
A very good friend of mine had a supposedly healthy, normal pregnancy … did everything right, all looking good, and then lost the baby at birth. A small tear in the placenta right at term … the baby bled out, had no heartbeat and was not breathing at birth. They managed to resuscitate her, but she was massively brain-damaged and did not survive. It was absolutely shocking and devastating. Even the doctors were in tears.
I think you’re always somewhat braced for a miscarriage early on. I had one at 10 weeks, and it was terrible, but nothing to compare to losing a baby at birth or so close to term. Once you get past a certain point, you just assume everything is good, or that if it isn’t, something can be done. We also think that if we do everything right, the outcome is guaranteed, but clearly that is not true. Not that we shouldn’t do all the right things, of course!
The good part of the story: my friend and her fiance were brave enough to try again, and she (at age 44!) gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl just over a year after losing their first.
I’m sure until you’re holding your baby in your arms, you’re going to be feeling anxious. It’s sad that you won’t be able to fully enjoy your pregnancy because of that. I am still pretty paranoid in this pregnancy, and I’m at 24 weeks now. I wish you all the best and will pray for you.
Post # 7
I lost my son at around 26 weeks. I also did everything by the book. I know you’re not looking for sympathy, but I am sorry. I have since then had a healthy girl, and I’m now 21 weeks pregnant with a boy. But I still grieve for my son, it’s a hard thing to come to peace with. I wish you much love.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. It’s just hard thinking about getting pregnant again since I’ve never carried one fully to term. I really just want to meet someone in the same boat and none of the other forums I got have anyone (kind of crazy because there’s so many women who’ve lost). Just figured I’d give it a shot so that we could coach each other through.
Post # 9
My MIL lost a baby boy at 6 months. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but the loss spurred her and my FIL to try for another about a year later (who turned out to be my husband). Even though they’re now divorced, they still call each other on the anniversary every year. My MIL went on to have three healthy children.
Also, the mother of one of my classmates lost a baby at 9 months. She was scheduled to be induced, then she suddenly stopped feeling the baby move. They found out later there was a chromosomal abnormality. She did “everything right” as well, but some things we simply can’t control.
Post # 10
@TheFutureMcBride: So sorry to hear, do they have any idea what caused it? Perhaps there is something there that can help you know it won’t happen again….
Post # 11
I didnt lose my baby but I came very close and had him 2 months early. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks so they could save me and him. I was in the Special Mothers unit and saw many moms come and go that lost their babies. Even in the NICU watching my baby and other tiny babies cling to life was aweful. I contemplate having another baby. I know now I have a greater chance of my baby and myself dying in the next pregnancy.
I wish you all the best. I read the other day of a woman who had my condition and lost her baby and she said that her child was just too beautiful for earth. I love how she turned something so awful into something so touching. I hope this time next year your on her posting pics of your new baby! You’ll get yours. Some babies are just “too beautiful for earth”. Best wishes!
Post # 12
i just wanted to thank you for this post. we are soon going to be ttc, and they don’t tell you about the chance of loosing your baby that far along. it never really even crossed my mind. i guess i thought that once you made it through the first trimester, everything was good. i am so sorry for your loss, and i will pray for your next pregnancy. it always seems like this is a problem that happens to women few and far between, but obviously is more common. i wish there was more awareness, because if it wasn’t for you, i may have never thought about it.. thanks agian! best wishes
Post # 13
My aunt lost her baby very late term (I think 8 months or so) and he was delivered stillborn – they knew he had died, but wanted to get him baptized. I know it was incredibly hard for her, because they had been TTC for awhile, and by late in the term you’ve really invested in your child.
They did in vitro fertilization about a year and a half later, and had a beautiful baby girl successfully. The doctors told them they couldn’t get pregnant again, stitched her up, and they went home. About a year later they were having a beautiful baby boy – it has a funny way of happening! Anyway, I know that their son who died will always be important to them. He had a name, a room, etc. But they, like you, were strong enough to move on and I think that’s just amazing.
Post # 14
@Janna19 – They did everything to find out what happened, but there’s no answer as with 60% of stillbirths.
@brittanymichelle – No one talks about stillbirths except those who go through it and some of us try to forget. Here’s some statistics I found:
There are 3,000 babies a year who die from SIDS
There are 28,600 babies a year who are stillborn. Of those babies, only 40% or right over 11,000, ever have a reason for dying.
Moose is one of the 60% with no cause. It’s scary, but women should know. I had no idea Moose could die after the first trimester and, when I made it to 24 weeks, I knew Moose could live outside my womb, so I lost all my fear of anything happening to Moose. I mean, I read. I read everything, but I never saw anything about a baby dying for no reason or anything about loss after 28 weeks.
@Kare7213 – I’ve been told that Moose was too good for Earth and out of everything I was told, it was the only thing which didn’t make me want to scream at the person for saying something dumb. And I hope to hold my Caribou or Emu or whatever the nickname will be next year too, but I refuse to get my hopes up before I am actually holding my child.
Thanks again everyone.
Post # 15
@TheFutureMcBride – I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it have been, and continues to be, for you. I wish you great happiness and a successful full-term delivery when you TTC 🙂
Those stats you gave – are those worldwide or just the US?
Post # 16
Just for the US. Crazy huh?