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Sorry you are going through this. My FI is definitely the golden child in his entire extended family (not just immediate). He will never admit it but it's obvious that he is favored by everyone. His sister even named her daughter after him, and he was 14 when his niece was born, not even an adult.
Fortunately for me, his family has been very open and welcoming. I considered it a red flag early in our relationship because I was in no mood to be in competition with the mom AND sisters. Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case.
I would just continue to be you. He loves and wants to marry you. Try not to let his mom's expectations get you down.
Oh my hubs is TOTALLY the favorite. Both sets of gransparents and his parents just adore him. To the point that his cousins openly discuss that he's the favorite. But it's not a problem for me. I actually feel like I get extra love from association : )
ugh! nothing worse than a mother who is in love with her son. haha
my mom has 5 kids and i would never say she has a favorite but for a while there, while my brother was in bootcamp, and then overseas, he was def the golden child. the rest of us would joke about it...but you could def tell there was a favorite at the time.
i have the complete opposite problem my FI is one of 13 children his mom doesnt have time for either of us. haha.
My FI is also the obvious favorite in his whole family and his circle of friends. At first it was a little intimidating but I had to stop looking at the other people who dote on him as people I have to live up to and start looking at them as people who have taken good care of and loved my FI before I was around. Luckily we all get along really well.
Just try not to think about it as having to "live up" to them. Try to remember instead how blessed you are that the two of you chose each other. :)
My FI is so not the golden child. That is FSIL. FI is the "Bad seed" he has long hair, he plays the drums, he is a hockey player, when he was younger he went to parties and his parents cought him with alcohol in the closet.
Story of my life. FI's older brother is pretty much not going anywhere with his life, where as FI graduated college at the top of his class, is getting married and has and always will be my FMIL's favorite child. As a downside to this though, she is a lot harder on him and his decisions. I also have to deal with the "never good enough for my baby" mentaity that FMIL has. She has even gone so far as to tell me that she "doesn't share her children well". She is a piece of work. lol I just take everything that she says with a grain of salt and ignore her selfish or judgemental behaviors. FI picked me because he loves me and I am not marrying his mother, I am marrying him. Obviously I have to deal with her sometimes, but its not like we live in the same town or even the same state as her, so our direct contact is somewhat limited. Sorry that your MIL is difficult, it gets easier to deal with over time :)
@etrebin85: You took the words right out of my mouth! My FI is the favourite and his mom's golden boy. It's hard to deal with. I don't like feeling that I'm second best and voice my opinion to him often but I just keep my mouth closed at his mom's house. His mom once asked what we would be eating when we first moved in together since I clearly do not know how to cook. Sigh.
We had a minor blow-up the other day when FI said he wouldn't be making me the beneficiary of all his assets once we're married as he says he wants to give his mom some of it too. His mom is still married and is financially stable. Ugh! She has him more whipped than I do. lol.
I'm in the same situation. It's created some uncomfortable situations in the past but there is calm now (although it's quite possibly an act). Actions always speak louder than words...
Ha, I just laugh at it, and tease my husband about it a bit. His mom always makes comments about him being the "prince" and how I have to take care of him. Whatever lady, he was taking care of himself just fine before I came along!
I am in the same boat. My fiance is the youngest and the favored. He has also always been the most appeasing to his mother. Meaning - Whatever she wants, he does it. Whatever she thinks - he agrees... while the other three brothers have an opinion of their own, have their own lives, and their own plans.
If she calls and says she made extra meat loaf and we should come over but we have plans to go out to eat with friends?? we cancel plans with friends to go over to eat meat loaf. OR If it is christmas time and she is hauling up christmas decorations - she calls us to help her even though she has three other sons ( one of which lives with her) and her husband (who also lives with her) to do it. She wants him to come over ALL the time and makes up excuses constantly to the point that we were going there two or three times a week.
One time about 2 years ago - I was talking to her about how my fiance and I had been argueing about him going out or something like that .. and she said "Well if you guys are fighting you shouldnt be together. All I want is for my boys to be happy"
And that was it... I stopped telling her things, we stopped going to lunch and shopping... that was basically the last time I made an effort to communicate with her and let her into my life... I told my fiance about it and he didnt beleive me and told me I was lying to make his mom look bad. She ended up apologizing and telling me she didnt mean it the way it had come out. But I still don't talk to her about anything. I don't think she was talking to me and going to lunch with me to build a relationship with me -- i think she was doing it to build a case against me ... and snoop around in my life.
Mothers like that are, and always will be a challenge. Good Luck.
Thanks everyone!
It's not a huge issue right now because we are barely in the planning stage of our wedding but I've known this guy and his family my whole life and it just really erks me that it has always been that way and things will only get tougher when we do get married and have kids.
Example: His mother has a key to his house and will sometimes go over and clean and garden. WTH? This will NOT be happening when we get married and he moves in with me...lol. The boy is 28 years old!
@missapis: We do have VERY similar situations! The only difference is that FI lives about 5 minutes from his parents and my house is only about 10 minutes away. UGH.
@jamithebride: I am the same way when it comes to keeping my mouth shut. I am a very vocal, type A personality and sometimes I would rather say nothing, than let his folks know what I have to say. However, I have issues not saying things when it is something that I'm passionate about and my mouth has a mind of its own.
My husband is absolutely the favorite in his family. It used to bother me, because I always felt like his parents didn't like me or I couldn't live up to their expectations, but after a while, I got over it. And once we had our daughter, their tune changed. :) Now our baby is the favorite!
My FMIL thinks the sun shines out of my FI's a$$ so I get it. I have to hear the same stories every time I see her about what an amazing kid he was. Seriously, same stories every time. However, she seems to like me just as much so I'm lucky that way.
I did. The difference though was that he was treated the worst out of his siblings. I guess his mother's crazy reasoning was to make him a better person?? More like, I have to convince him that he's never capable of beating someone (he was beaten by his dad up to the age of 14) and that he's a good person. BUT, now that we're married his whole family has been excluding us...
Wow, my FI is MOST DEFINITELY the family favorite, but I never thought about it that way! He's the first of like 13 grandchildren, and his entire family just thinks he walks on water.
Now that you mention it, though, I kind of feel a little of both sides of it. I feel like I'm the golden child's wife so therefore I'm golden by association, so to speak. Buuuut, his mom is this spectacular Suzy Homemaker woman: stay at home mom, amazing chef, etc., and that just isn't me at all.
No one has ever said anything to me, but I definitely felt a littttttle teensy bit judged when we had FMIL and FFIL over for dinner before we were engaged. I tried my hardest to be domestic, but it just doesn't work for me haha.
My DH is the only shared child of his parents - his family is like the Brady Bunch, if the mom and dad had a baby together. So he has that going for him obviously, and he just turned out really well compared to his siblings, especially his brothers. I think in some ways it has been bad for him - he has a bit of an ego - but all in all, I think things could be worse. Sure, I feel like I had a lot to live up to, but I'm at the point where I'm just me and don't worry about what they think.
@Mrs. Spring: I feel like that will happen with us too! Our children will be the only grandchildren his parents share because of the aforementioned Brady Bunch-ing of his family so I think there will be lots of doting, and I am okay with that :)
My FI is definitely the favored child in his family. There is an 8 year age difference between him and his brother. His brother didn't complete undergrad and FI is going for a PhD at a really good university. FI is the one who thinks things through, is very easy to get along with, all of that stuff. His brother, while I truly believe has a good heart, can fly off the handle easily (nothing abusive, but he can get upset easily).
It was tough at first. When I started dating FI, I was the first girlfriend and he had just gone off to college. In retrospect, I think his mom was having some difficulty with him being gone. He had always been home, always been there for him (FI was really shy growing up). I do not think she liked me being in the picture, I think she liked being the only woman in her son's life. There were times where I would be crying from the way she would treat me. She never said anything mean to me, but that was part of the problem. She never said ANYTHING to me! After awhile, I did let FI know, and he did talk with his mom. It got a little better, but where I really saw the turnaround was when FI chose to go to a PhD program at a better school out of state than get it at a decent (but not as good) school in town, and I fully supported his choice. Once she realized that I wasn't going to hold him back, things really turned around. Plus, his other brother ended up getting married to a nice girl, too.
Things are pretty happy now! Everyone's excited for our wedding. I know there are going to be some bumps along the way, but I don't feel uncomfortable going to his house anymore.
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My FI is hands down the love of my life. HOWEVER, he is also "the golden child" in his family. His mother clearly favors him over his other sibling and feels that I will never be as good to him as she was.** I just want to know who out there is dealing with marrying the favorite child? And how on earth did you deal with it?
** She has never come out and say this but I grew up with my FI, I know his family so well and actions speak louder than words.