(Closed) Anyone marrying the family favorite?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sorry you are going through this.  My FI is definitely the golden child in his entire extended family (not just immediate).  He will never admit it but it’s obvious that he is favored by everyone.  His sister even named her daughter after him, and he was 14 when his niece was born, not even an adult. 

Fortunately for me, his family has been very open and welcoming.  I considered it a red flag early in our relationship because I was in no mood to be in competition with the mom AND sisters.  Thankfully, that didn’t turn out to be the case.

I would just continue to be you.  He loves and wants to marry you.  Try not to let his mom’s expectations get you down.

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh my hubs is TOTALLY the favorite.  Both sets of gransparents and his parents just adore him.  To the point that his cousins openly discuss that he’s the favorite.  But it’s not a problem for me.  I actually feel like I get extra love from association : )

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

ugh! nothing worse than a mother who is in love with her son. haha

my mom has 5 kids and i would never say she has a favorite but for a while there, while my brother was in bootcamp, and then overseas, he was def the golden child. the rest of us would joke about it…but you could def tell there was a favorite at the time.

i have the complete opposite problem my FI is one of 13 children his mom doesnt have time for either of us. haha.

Post # 6
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My FI is also the obvious favorite in his whole family and his circle of friends. At first it was a little intimidating but I had to stop looking at the other people who dote on him as people I have to live up to and start looking at them as people who have taken good care of and loved my FI before I was around. Luckily we all get along really well.

Just try not to think about it as having to “live up” to them. Try to remember instead how blessed you are that the two of you chose each other. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My FI is so not the golden child. That is FSIL. FI is the “Bad seed” he has long hair, he plays the drums, he is a hockey player, when he was younger he went to parties and his parents cought him with alcohol in the closet.

Post # 8
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Story of my life. FI’s older brother is pretty much not going anywhere with his life, where as FI graduated college at the top of his class, is getting married and has and always will be my FMIL’s favorite child. As a downside to this though, she is a lot harder on him and his decisions. I also have to deal with the “never good enough for my baby” mentaity that FMIL has. She has even gone so far as to tell me that she “doesn’t share her children well”. She is a piece of work. lol I just take everything that she says with a grain of salt and ignore her selfish or judgemental behaviors. FI picked me because he loves me and I am not marrying his mother, I am marrying him. Obviously I have to deal with her sometimes, but its not like we live in the same town or even the same state as her, so our direct contact is somewhat limited. Sorry that your MIL is difficult, it gets easier to deal with over time 🙂

Post # 9
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs.LloydDobler: You took the words right out of my mouth! My FI is the favourite and his mom’s golden boy. It’s hard to deal with. I don’t like feeling that I’m second best and voice my opinion to him often but I just keep my mouth closed at his mom’s house. His mom once asked what we would be eating when we first moved in together since I clearly do not know how to cook. Sigh.

We had a minor blow-up the other day when FI said he wouldn’t be making me the beneficiary of all his assets once we’re married as he says he wants to give his mom some of it too. His mom is still married and is financially stable. Ugh! She has him more whipped than I do. lol.

Post # 10
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m in the same situation.  It’s created some uncomfortable situations in the past but there is calm now (although it’s quite possibly an act).  Actions always speak louder than words…

Post # 11
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ha, I just laugh at it, and tease my husband about it a bit.  His mom always makes comments about him being the “prince” and how I have to take care of him.  Whatever lady, he was taking care of himself just fine before I came along!

Post # 12
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am in the same boat.  My fiance is the youngest and the favored.  He has also always been the most appeasing to his mother.  Meaning – Whatever she wants, he does it.  Whatever she thinks – he agrees… while the other three brothers have an opinion of their own, have their own lives, and their own plans.

If she calls and says she made extra meat loaf and we should come over but we have plans to go out to eat with friends?? we cancel plans with friends to go over to eat meat loaf.  OR If it is christmas time and she is hauling up christmas decorations – she calls us to help her even though she has three other sons ( one of which lives with her) and her husband (who also lives with her) to do it.  She wants him to come over ALL the time and makes up excuses constantly to the point that we were going there two or three times a week. 

One time about 2 years ago – I was talking to her about how my fiance and I had been argueing about him going out or something like that .. and she said “Well if you guys are fighting you shouldnt be together.  All I want is for my boys to be happy”

And that was it… I stopped telling her things, we stopped going to lunch and shopping… that was basically the last time I made an effort to communicate with her and let her into my life… I told my fiance about it and he didnt beleive me and told me I was lying to make his mom look bad.  She ended up apologizing and telling me she didnt mean it the way it had come out.  But I still don’t talk to her about anything.  I don’t think she was talking to me and going to lunch with me to build a relationship with me — i think she was doing it to build a case against me … and snoop around in my life.

Mothers like that are, and always will be a challenge.  Good Luck.

Post # 14
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My husband is absolutely the favorite in his family.  It used to bother me, because I always felt like his parents didn’t like me or I couldn’t live up to their expectations, but after a while, I got over it.  And once we had our daughter, their tune changed.  🙂  Now our baby is the favorite!

Post # 15
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

YES.  

Post # 16
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My FMIL thinks the sun shines out of my FI’s a$$ so I get it.  I have to hear the same stories every time I see her about what an amazing kid he was.  Seriously, same stories  every time.  However, she seems to like me just as much so I’m lucky that way. 

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