Post # 1
Can you tell me about your process? I feel like, in a way, i’m getting screwed over by someone …
We want to get married in a church near where we live. The parish there will take us, we just need to have a release signed by my home parish. They asked for mine, not FI’s. Weird. Anyway, the woman at the parish we’re hoping to get married at was helpful and said it would just be a fax my home parish would send over.
However, my home parish (2 hours away from where we live) will not sign a release until they meet with us and “start the process”. We have to go out there this Saturday for an interview with the priest and “take it from there” to see if he will sign the release.
Is this standard? It seems like my home parish is making it difficult for us. For what its worth, my sister was married at our home parish and my mother is very active in the church as well. They know who I am, without a doubt. I dont understand why we have to meet with the priest at my home parish, especially since he will not be the one marrying us.
I know it makes me sound like a spoiled brat – but honestly, I don’t understand why my home parish is doing this – is it a ploy to get some $$ out of us? My home parish is VERY WEALTHY – they arent hurting for anything…
Post # 3
This is the rule but the degree of enforcing it seems to vary from parish to parish.
I am getting married at my FI’s parish in the neighborhood where he grew up, which is just a few miles from where we live now. His parents still go to church there every week. They didn’t ask us for any kind of letter from our current parish. But his family is pretty well known there as active parishoners so maybe that’s why?
any chance of joining the new parish? if the parish you want to get married in is close to where you live anyway?
I’m sure it won’t be that big of a deal, just go in to the meeting with a positive attitude –
Post # 4
@kimm99: Thanks for answering!
I asked about joining the parish we want to marry in, in Brooklyn. I was told I could join after the wedding.
When FI and I were looking to marry at his home parish, in Brooklyn, they didn’t ask me for a release – so i’m not sure why there’s so much ruckus going around.
Simply from talking to the two parishes, the parish we are hoping to marry in seems very laid-back and helpful, whereas my home parish is not! I just have to go in with PMA – thanks!
Post # 5
The rule is you are supposed to be married in the bride or groom’s home parish, (for some reason the bride’s parish is preferred, but it can be either bride’s or groom’s parish) or else permission (which may include a meeting with the pastor of the home parish) needs to be granted.
I got married in Brooklyn, in my husband’s parish. They were very thorough with the paperwork and process.
Post # 6
The paperwork you’ll have to do might be the affidavits of freedom and intent to marry – basically, you go down a checklist with the priest and he asks you if you’ve ever been married before, if you have any children, if you are marrying this person of your own free will, that you haven’t been kidnapped or coerced into this marriage, etc.
They have to do the affidavits in person and under oath, which is why they need to you come in to get it taken care of, even though your family is active in the parish, etc.
They might have something else that you have to do, but I would suspect that this is at least a part of what they mean by “starting the process.”
Meanwhile, while you’re there, since it’s your home parish, you could get the ball rolling on asking them for a copy of your baptismal certificate (which you’ll need to give to the priest at the parish where the wedding will take place.) Assuming that’s where you were baptized, of course. If your baptism was somewhere else, at some point you will need to contact that parish and ask them to send you a copy.
Post # 7
DH and I did not get married in either one of our home parishes. We chose a church that both of our grandparents were members of to try to find common ground and bring everyone together. When we were ready we simply called the parish we wanted to get married in and told them why we had chosen their parish. They met with us, went over all of the details, and we gave them the contact information to our parishes and they called requested whichever documents they needed.
I have heard of some churches that do not want to sign off on people getting married elswewhere because they don’t get the money for the wedding, they are a business too.
Post # 8
I didn’t have to do anything like this, even though I am Catholic and we got married in DH’s parent’s Lutheran parish.
Post # 9
@roxy821: Yes, I think the money thing is what gets me. I was told, when setting up the required meeting at my home parish, they would discuss “suggested donations”. However, I don’t plan on giving anything to my home parish – any donations for the church will be going to the church I will get married in.
It really bothers me, especially because my home parish is a beautiful church in the Hamptons, that is very popular for weddings. They honestly do not need a dime, and with my family’s involvement in their parish, it comes off as borderline rude.
I just hope this is a quick and easy meeting like @KCKnd2: has explained. I know we have to do pre-cana and I am fine with that – but there’s no way in hell i’m doing it through my home parish!
Post # 10
FI & I were in a strange situation because neither of us were technically members of a parish. We had attended previously with our parents, but had never joined one together or separate. We are getting married at his family’s church by my familly’s former priest (he has since relocated to a different church). We live 2 hours away & have since joined a church where we live. We did pre-cana in our city, but all other marriage prep (FOCCUS, meetings) were done with the priest who will be marrying us.