Post # 1
Awkward sort of post but I just want to get my feelings down in words. I was very overweight growing up, had all sorts of issues with my mother and as a result my self-esteem and self-confidence were almost nonexistant. I slowly lost touch with my friend group as I progressed through high school and am now only in contact with one person I went to school with. University was even worse, a horribly isolating experience, I don’t drink and I just felt so different to everyone else and tried to join things like debating club but constantly felt like the outsider. By the time I abandoned uni and moved to Australia I had only one close, dear friend I constantly kept in touch with (my Maid of Honour). I’m just not good at making friends. I’ve joined a few groups here but only made one friend in the three years I’ve lived in Melbourne – and she only moved here late last year, we were skype friends for a year! She’s my bridesmaid.
FH and I have a group of mutual friends, all of whom will be coming to the wedding. THere’s a small group of people here who were friends with my last flatmate (who moved back to NZ) that I keep in touch with from time to time. I’m going to make an effort to try and do a few more things with them as I’d like to invite them too. But that’s maybe 20, 30 people tops and most of those I’m just a hanger-on for, they’re FH’s school friends (although they’re a great group).
What I lack in friends, I make up for with a large extended family. But I’m just petrified the lack of younger people will stand out like a sore thumb! At my brother’s wedding, it was practically half and half. Most of his friends were school friends he knew since primary school and a ton of my SIL’s friends came over from Melbourne.
I’m actually having nightmares about my almost friendless state sticking out and looking super embarrassing. Bachelorette Party? Other than my two BMs I don’t even know who we’d invite. It’s just super awkward 🙁
Post # 3
I have like 2 close friends and that’s it. I made a lot of friends in college, but most of them have moved away, and I live in a very out of the way city noone likes to drive to. None of the friends I did have, have ever visited me where I live except the close friend I still have and this other girl whom is also a good friend. I think a lot of couples and married people lose most of their friends anyway, especially when you start having a family, you don’t have the money to be hanging out with people anymore. So don’t feel alone!!! And I’m not even that close to much of my family either. Most the people at my wedding will be my fiance’s family, so at least that. I’m not gonna worry about it, it is what it is. I’m very hard to get to know, it takes me a long time to get close to people, that’s just how I am, and I’m very bad at keeping in touch with people.
Post # 4
I’m in pretty much the same boat – huge extended family (and we’re all really close), but not many actual friends. Our guestlist breakdown was
My friends: 13
His friends: 37
Mutual friends: 14
My family: 80(ish)
His family: 60
I’m just not good at making friends – plus most of my friends don’t really live in the area. On the other hand, I’m pretty confidant that, of the friends I do have, I’m really close with all of them. My husband is really close with about 10 of his friends, the rest are less close.
I wouldn’t worry about things looking “uneven” at the wedding – are you inviting cousins, etc. that will bring the average age down a little? I doubt anyone else will really notice.
The bachelorette thing is tricky, too. I was originally not having one, and was a little jealous of my fiance who got a big party with all his friends. I got to go out to tea with some family, though, which was kinda nice. It’s hard when you’ve only got a handful of people to find an activity that they’re all going to enjoy.
Post # 5
i’m not sure if i have any close friends anymore, to be honest. since i moved from my home state, i’ve lost touch with a lot of my close friends which is pretty upsetting to me. i consider Fiance to be my bestest friend and not just because we’re in a relationship together but because he truly gets me for who i am. it makes me sad that i don’t have a lot of girlfriends but it’s understandable because i’m not a very social person and it’s hard for me to go out of my way to connect with someone. i’m pretty shy which also doesn’t help. i don’t know. i used to be a lot better at being a social person but since i moved to a state where i don’t know anyone, i’ve become a lot more introverted. i’m okay with it because i know i am a kind and generous person…i just have trouble putting myself out there to make friends.
so don’t feel awkward. there are people (like me!) who completely understand what you’re sayin! 🙂
Post # 6
Agreed. Despite being someone my coworkers would call social, I can count on 1 hand the number of people I call friends. Most people I would label acquitances. It just means you have high standards. 🙂
Post # 7
I have maybe 5 friends? And I only see 1 regularly. We just moved 30 minutes away from everyone but you’d think we’d have moved a lot further out. Everyone’s always so busy (us included) and it’s hard to keep regular contact.
For my bachelorette, I’m inviting all the females coming to the wedding, to it. I didn’t want nightclub dancing with plastic tiaras and ‘bride to be’ sashes, nor strippers. So we’re all going to a high tea and then a wine tasting :).
Post # 8
@raziel1687: So nice to hear from someone who sounds just like me! I mean, sometimes I get envious at big girly groups of friends, but there’s no way that’s ever going to work for me. I have mild aspergers, I struggle big time in social situations and I am also really hard to get to know. My maid of honour & bridesmaid made the effort and I’m honestly so lucky I have both of them, they practically know me better than I know myself and will be excellent at recognising my “warning signs” for a complete meltdown at the wedding, lol (I start laughing, hysterically, when I get overtired and at that point it’s best to give me some space! lol).
Post # 9
Aside from DBF, I have no friends anywhere near my age. I lost touch with my high school classmates, and when I went off to university, I was hopeful that I’d make some. Nope – after a clusterfuck involving my then-roommate moving out in the most passive-aggressive manner possible (we still shared the same bathroom), I became depressed and withdrawn. While I am in a better place mentally, my social life is still nonexistant.
OP, I’m glad you mentioned that university wasn’t the time of your life. I attended a well-known party school, so I completely get where you’re coming from. Honestly, I’m jealous of all the people who have many female friends from different stages of their life. Until I met DBF, I never had a friend that went out of their way to spend time with me as much as I enjoyed being around them. He and I just “get” one another, and I’m fortunate to have him. But I can’t help but feel jealous when I see my old high school classmates post pictures of themselves on Facebook with their BFFs/roommates/sorority sisters, or even the brides here with sizeable bridal parties. 🙁
Post # 10
@amyinbrisbane: I’m hoping for high tea too, and perhaps some girly pampering time 🙂 I don’t drink (by choice – I hate the taste of it! FH is the same) and neither do my bridesmaids so whatever fun we get up to – and it might just be the three of us – will be pretty sedate 😛
Post # 11
@Luvdisc: Totally feel the same way. University was awful, I lived at home (very few people were in dorms there) and with my lack of social skills and my increasing involvement with my website because I was so lonely, there was just no chance of meeting anyone similar to me. Strangely I actually have a lot of girls from school as Facebook friends – all from the early days where Facebook was new and people friended random people in great numbers – and do feel jealous at those who have kept up with their large groups and have a big social group. I’m just lucky to have an awesome fiance who totally gets where I’m at and two great friends who give me the girly time I need from time to time.
Post # 12
I have one best friend (Ok two if you count FI) and then only 5 other people I consider friends. Only my best friend will be in attendance at the wedding but we are having an intimate wedding with a grand total of 13 guests. But my Maid/Matron of Honor will be the only non-family member there. And in honesty I doubt I will stay in contact with 4 of the 5 in the friend category after we all move on with our lives after college. Even with my best friend… we only talk once every couple of months and see each other in person 3 time a year if we’re lucky. All I can say is I’m an introvert and the social interaction I need I get from Fiance.
Post # 13
i’m not a social person. at all. so i don’t make friends easily.
as for having genuine real friends that i see all the time? no. the only person that i see all the time is my fiance. i don’t see my best friend barely at all, she’s in canada. my other best friend is so consumed in her own life, i see her maybe twice a month. and the rest of my friends are nowhere near me, most of my friends i have met online. i have very few “real life” people that i consider friends. i’ve been burned by too many people in the past, and don’t trust very easily.
Post # 14
@goingtotherooftopoflove: I keep track of my Facebook friends, but I seldom talk to them. The last time I communicated with one of them was when I learned one of my better friends from high school was going through a breakup. I offered to help, but I never heard back from her.
And if you agreeing with my post wasn’t enough, I have a rather mild case of Asperger’s as well. I may have the benefit of receiving a diagnosis very early on (at age four), but more than anything, it makes me wary in social situations. It really made university tough, if only because no one would even say hi to me. I hate saying hello first.
Post # 15
@goingtotherooftopoflove: I have two close friends and a whole whack of acquaintances. Some of us just aren’t social butterflies. My SO is the same way.
I am not sure how many true friends most people have. The so-called popular people have tons of acquaintances, but I bet they only have a few true friends as well.
You sound like an introvert. It took me a long time to accept that I’m not a social butterfly and won’t be the life of the party, but I am ok with it now. We’re eloping… it means more to us to be together than inviting a bunch of people we hardly know.
You’re lucky you have a big extended family – neither of us do lol. I always wanted a big family but you can’t really pick that, right?
Post # 16
@Luvdisc: It’s a small world 🙂 Yeah, my brain starts to explode when I’m in a busy social situation, especially if it’s largely people I don’t know or don’t feel comfortable with (I have higher expectations for the wedding because at least they’re all familiar faces!) FH is an absolute dear, he’s so much better dealing with it than me but he knows how much I struggle so he really tries to make it easier for me.
One thing that’s funny… the number of people I went to school with who I’d never spoken to since who came out of the woodwork & liked or commented when I changed my facebook status to engaged! Quite amusing 😛