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So my fiance's sister is not going to be in our wedding. We're not close to her whatsoever, and his relationship with her is minimal. His dad gave us flack for not including her, but honestly, I'd rather have my two sisters and two best friends than boot one of them out of the wedding party to have her in it. She's made no effort to get to know me at all.
my FH has 2 sisters, one with whom I am close too, the other is a manipulative, sneaky childish person. I talked to his mother about having the one I am close to in the wedding and she told me not unless the other one is in it as well.
Well neither of them are in it then. I am so not playing that game. haha.
Nope!! Df has 1 brother and we did not ask him to be in the wedding. Partly becaues it's a destination wedding and I'd like for him to enjoy his vacation with his wife and kids...partly because they aren't really close.
Ugh, I really don't want to have my FI's sister in our wedding. First of all, he isn't close with her. Second, she lives in NC, she won't be involved in ANY of the planning, she is a space cadet, spoiled, etc. But I am totally afraid to even go down that road. We aren't getting married until August 2011, so I don't have to think about it yet...but I would much rather have my 3 best friends and sis-in-law.
well FI has 2 younger brothers, they are all 5 years apart so they are 16 & 21 and he's 26. Needless to say they will be attending, however he has 3 groomsman who are his best friends and have been for years.
None of his siblings are in the wedding and he has four of them.
I am not close to my FI sister. She's a sweet girl, but we just haven't gotten to know each other very well yet. We are having her do a reading during the ceremony. My brother is an usher. We've incorporated them in the wedding, but they aren't a part of the bridal party.
He has one sis and he's not close with her at all. When we got engaged she actually TOLD me she wanted to be a bridesmaid. What a turn off. We're not close, and I dont take requests for my bridal party LOL So no, she's def not involved!
I asked my FI's sister to be in the wedding (I'm not particularly close to her, but since he only has one sister I thought it would be nice to ask). she said yes but yesterday he told me to be prepared that she would not be in the wedding. Apparently, she is telling him that she can't afford to buy the dress...I've given the BMs 3 months and till the end of March to buy the dresses and they are only $52.99! I can understand ppl not having a lot of extra money, but this is about as cheap as it gets (I think she's just trying to make us pay for it)! So, follow your instincts and be aware that it can becomes really stressful :(
Nope - FH's brother is a groomsman, but we're only having 3 attendants, and he has 3 sisters, so we decided that we wouldn't feel obligated to include each other's siblings. So, his sisters are guests and so is my brother. I think one of the sisters was a little miffed, but she'll get over it!
I went to a wedding where the siblings all walked down the aisle, but none of them were in the bridal party. They all wore whatever they wanted, and were included, but not as bidesmaids or groomsmen. It seemed to work out well for my friend.
My MOH did not include her SIL for her wedding, she's mean and rude and not even her own brother wanted her to be a part of it. I think it depends on the relationship, just because you're siblings doesn't mean that they must be part of the wedding pary.
I'm not having my FI's sister in our wedding. I've only met her once (she lives far away) and will probably only see her in person only 1 more time before our wedding. FI isn't super close to his family.
None of my DH's family was in the wedding. He has four siblings, two sisters and two brothers. Only one sister even attended the wedding at all! My brothers and their wives helped with setting up the reception area and taping the wedding, but I didn't ask his family for any help. They were all quite clueless actually, which really ticked me off since they had a 14 page handout on exactly what was going on and where.
I wish! When I got engaged my FI's sister got really upset because she wasn't my MOH. WTF, she is so mean to mean why would I chose her. I wasn't even going to have any of his sisters in my wedding (he has 3) but then I really wanted my FI to have my brother so I gave in.
We're having his brother play guitar at the ceremony, but he's not a groomsman. They don't have that relationship.
Good for you! It's YOUR wedding!
I don't plan on having my fiance's sister in the wedding party. Heck if it was up to me she wouldn't even be there....My fiance doesnt even want her there and wishes she won't show up! If only....anyhow she has only been problems for us. His family expects her to be there and be invited. Shes (unhappily) invited but not at the head table or part of the wedding party.
I am not having my fiance's sisters in the wedding...I was in one of his sister's weddings about 5 years ago, but now she has 2 kids (both of whom are in the wedding). His other sister has 2 kids too, who are in the wedding. It's not that I didn't want them to be in it (I get along with them extremely well and am very happy for them to be my future SILs) but they felt that with their kids, it would be too much...just as well since I have 7 bridesmaids already! But my 2 brothers (whom I am very close to, closer than he is to his sisters) are groomsmen...weird, I know. My theory is that if it will hurt people NOT to be in the wedding party, it's not worth it--just have them be bridesmaids.
I'm probably setting myself up for trouble...
His sister doesn't really get along with either of us well. In the 6+ years of our dating, she's never made an attempt to get to know me (but his younger brother has). We invited my sister and his brother to be MOH and Best Man, and only his sister is left out. When the FMIL politely mentioned that Sis would take the role of BM seriously and do well at it, I did a little experiment.
I emailed Sis a picture of wedding dresses and asked her opinion. Three weeks later while we were all on vacation in Hawaii she apologizes for not getting back to me because she had been so busy. She was on summer vacation from school and had no job. She couldn't remember which dresses she liked and we had no internet on vacay for her to check. She never got back to me afterwards.
FAIL!
Later she told Mr. Classy that she wanted to be a BM because she wanted to sit at the head table.
EPIC FAIL!
As of right now we're not. Though I'm seriously thinking of asking her because I was devastated when my brothers wife didn't ask me to be one of her bridesmaids. Truthfully her not asking me was tacky as my brother and I are close and there is only the two of us. & because my brother had two attendants and she only had one. It was the talk of my family, and did look like a slam against us and me personally. In our family it's good manners and good family politics to ask your Future Sis/brother- in law to be an attendant in your wedding. The ONLY way to get around this is if he/she has more then one sibling, if they do not get along, or if your using that persons child in your wedding. We are using her eldest child, our niece. Even though my fiance is not that close to his sister he has become closer to her as I came into the picture as I stress the importance of family bonding and the bonding has increased since our second neice was born a year ago. I know in the long run that I will ask her, because it's important to OUR family that we all get along because someday there will be little Jellybeans and I want them to know all their aunts, uncles and cousins personally not just as a christmas card. There is nothing more important in this world then family.
I didn't ask my FI's sister and I am a little worried about it.. Mainly I didn't ask her because she is extremely broke and I felt like it would have been a burden on her (the BM dress I picked out is nearly $400.. I am trying to help my BMs pay for part of it but I know with the FSIL I would have had to buy the whole thing, plus she lives out of town so coming in for showers and the bachelorette party would have been difficult for her). My FI is close with his sister so I feel bad about it, but I feel like there's also some resentment from her brewing under the surface.. She complained about how had "had" to spend so much money on my ring, and she address her christmas card to just him (and we've lived together for three years!!!). She's nice to me when we talk but I feel some weird vibes.
I did ask her to be in my House Party though, and her husband will likely be an usher, so hopefully that will appease her.
i didnt ask my FSIL, she kinda...assumed so then it was expected when we got engaged she would be in it. im bummed because i wanted my BM's to be just my sister and my really close friends, but i guess this is one way to get to know her better?
I'm technically an only child (my parents helped raise two of my cousins who lived with us for some time, so we consider each other sisters) & FI didn't originally include his bro...he's a new dad, so FI didn't want to pressure him. So originally, we were just going to have my MOH & his BM; but just this past month, FI personally felt guilty (self-inflicted, his parents have been unbelievably supportive & his bro had NO hard feelings) about not including his bro. So, FI asked me if I had another friend I'd like to ask to be a BM so that he could ask his bro to be a GM.
in the beginning i was thinking about it but after thinking long and hard i decided not to have her in the wedding since i dont even talk to her. The only time i do talk to her is when we are over there or during the holidays during the gift exchange. Then FI's brother found out and he had a cow. Created drama between the family and us so now we have to re consider. The FI and his sister were close when they were younger but now hes all grown up and she is in her teens. I hate to say it but i dont like her much. She is spolied to the core and she has to have things her way when its OUR wedding.. ugh..
No , im not. My FI is having 4 best men as he couldnt decide on just one so thats his lot! lol x
I have 2 brothers, one of whom lived with us the year before our wedding while finishing school. We only had 2 people standing up with us on each side, and my husband said he wanted to ask his 2 closest friends, but he felt awkward not asking my brothers, especially the one who lived with us and who he'd gotten to know quite well.
I told him my brothers would understand, and not to worry about it. Sure enough, when we asked the brother who was living with us to be an usher, he told me afterward that he was glad that he wasn't asked to be a groomsman, because with only 2 being picked he would have felt really awkward!
All that to say that assuming siblings will want to be in the wedding isn't always correct. I think not including her is fine. If she herself says something about it, you could always ask her to do a reading or something.
Both my and FI's brothers (4 in total) are GM, but his sister is not a BM. She is "unpleasant" (read: crazy), and I really didn't want her standing up with us at the wedding. After a little guilt trip from FFIL I almost put her in the house party, but then she went completely nutso at Christmas, so she's out again.
I'm not having my FSIL in my wedding party. I asked her to be a BM and she said NO! (in a nice way) but she said that she would help me out in any other way possible. She did however offer to be my photographer. Which I may use a professional photographer and her as my secondary photographer. Sounds pretty good to me. As for my FBIL he might be an usher I'm not 100% sure yet..
Yes, I feel bad because my brother and sister are in the party but none of his three sisters are. One of them is crazy and I couldn't have the two and not her, so none of them are part of it. All three of his sisters have kids so it would be hard for them to be part of the wedding.
Nope. FI's sister hates me because I "stole her brother from her." She has literally been mean to me since day one. She has made me cry, told FILs lies about me, tried to break FI and up, etc. She did not acknowledge our engagement when it happened over a year ago. She has been so abusive towards me that I cannot be around her at all. I would never stop FI from having a relationship with his sister, but for my own sanity, I just cannot be her emotional punching bag anymore.
Regardless if she's FI's sister or not, I feel that the people you choose to be in your wedding party are supposed to be the people closest to you and FI, who are genuinely there to be happy for and support the bride and groom. I cannot have someone in my wedding who does not want us to get married.
Out of respect for FI and his parents, she will be permitted to do a reading at the wedding, but that's it. Given her outrageous behavior towards me, I feel I'm being generous to even allow that.
My brother is in our wedding, but not FI sister. She is too young, immature, and self centered.
She threw a fit when we got engaged because the attention was not on her, how the heck would it be on our day?
FI family isnt pleased, but FI agrees with me, so it doesnt matter.
My FI has one sister and she's not in the bridal party. I like her but we're not very close -- and it's looking like we'll have about 85 guests, so a large wedding party wouldn't have made much sense. I'm an only child so no worries there. We're both having two close friends as BM/GM. Plus, FI's sister has a kiddo who will be about 18 months at the time of the wedding and she isn't sure if her husband can come up for the wedding so if the kiddo's there, she'll need to be seated with him.
@ cupcake 26- it sucks doesn't, it? I tried so hard to be friends with her but she clearly wasn't interested. For sooo long I also tried to deal with her chronic insanity, and it only left me drained and in tears. So I decided that instead of wasting my time trying to overcome her issues (which really don't have anything to do with me) I would just remove myself from the situation.
I don't have it in me to wish her any harm, I just want her to stay away from me. After nearly destroying my relationship with her brother and their parents, she moved half way across the country, so 'dealing' with her has been easy peasy, since I now don't have to see her. When she comes home to visit her family, I encourage FI to see her but I simply don't attend. It works out better for everyone that way.
@Monkeygirl... same with me!! They fought like cats and dogs their whole lives, but once I came along, I was "stealing her brother away." Please! I actually knew my FSIL before I knew my FI, and she thinks I used her to get to him-- completely untrue. She had nothing to do with it. She also blamed me for her parents' divorce, but that's another story. At one point, she made threats on my life, though she later pleaded drunk and apologized profusely. I told her the damage was done.
I really, really, really didn't want her to be a BM, but the FI pointed out that it would likely be worse if I didn't include her than if I did. She (and her mom) would have raised a royal ruckus and ruined our experience. I caved, against my better judgement. Now she's the only BM who hasn't bought her dress-- not that it matters, but I don't want her standing up with us in something totally random. My brother is one of the FI's groomsmen, but they have a much better relationship.
Argh.
Nope. FI is an only child and my brother isn't a groomsman, nor is his wife a bridesmaid even though I was one of hers; she is having a baby right before our wedding so I figured she would rather not have to worry about being a BM after recovering from a C-section!
@ MissLeah- The situation between FI's sister and I got REALLY bad. I explained, in a respectful manner, to my FILs exactly why I cannot be around their daughter, the things she has done to me, and how it makes me feel. Her behavior towards me was so outrageous they understood and didn't even try to argue about it. I know they would rather us all get along like one big happy family, but until their daughter gets some serious professional help, I cannot be around her. I didn't really give them a choice. I needed to do it for myself. Naturally, it is obvious to everyone involved (including FI's sister) why she is not in our wedding, and neither she nor the FILs have ever brought it up. They know not to.
Sorry you don't have a choice to keep FI's sister out of your wedding. But I guess if the FMIL and FSIL will ruin your day, you chose correctly by picking your battles.
I totally feel your pain and sympathize completely with you, though. I don't want FI's sister involved in our ceremony AT ALL, because I feel it would be all fake. But I love my FI so much that if having his sister do a reading for 2 minutes would make him happy, then I will suck it up and deal with it. Marriage is about compromise, right?
I'm not. FI's brother will be his best man, but his sister will not be a BM. I don't have a close relationship with her, so it's not like she was expecting it or anything. I did ask her to be in the house party because I do want to include her in some way on the big day.
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