(Closed) Anyone “One and Done”?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: One and done or more to come??
    One and done!! : (18 votes)
    39 %
    More to come!! : (28 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That is a tough situation! As far as the finances go, it can be a lot less expensive going the doula/midwife/home birth route than tacking on all those hospital bills. And a lot less stressful. But of course, that is an extremely personal preference, and you should do whatever seems right for your family.

    With the worries about needing to get another job and then pay for childcare — are you sure it would be cost-effective to go that route? I think a lot of parents do this but aren’t realizing all the extra expenses — gas, car wear and tear, office attire, parking, etc. PLUS costs of childcare for multiple children. Often times, it makes more financial sense to stay at home.

    I am not a mom yet, but I definitely plan on having more than one, for several reasons but one of them being I think it makes for a more well-rounded child having siblings. That said, I personally know a couple only-children that turned out wonderfully and don’t have much of the typical traits that onlies tend to have. Just my thoughts on the matter!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @Banana29: Yeah, I mean if you have the education/background/experience to work in a higher-paying field, I could definitely see how it would be best to be working. And you guys know your situation, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it! Or, here’s another thought… what if you waited until your little boy was in school to try for another child? That way, he would at least be in school during the day, and you would only have one in daycare, leaving less of your income to pay for that cost.

    That’s great that you’re open to home birth. We’re still a couple years away from TTC, but I am already convinced it’s the right option for me. Especially since I heard about “hypnobirthing.” Look at this video I found recently… it’s astounding!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRUxqyzk9EE

    Post # 6
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    To answer your last question… Thank goodness I had two!  My kids are 22 mos. apart. When the oldest was about 8 he went on a trip with his dad.  That left the younger one (then 6) home alone with me for the first time.  She wore me out!  I discovered that the two were playmates, friends, companions etc. and kept each other occupied very well.  The older child was so missed that I gave my sister a break and kept my niece to play with my daughter for the remainder of my then husband’s trip.  Having two kids close together was a wonderful thing.  I can’t imagine having one child.  Too exhausting!

    BTW, my siblings and I are not close either.  My brother is 13 years older and my sister is 8 years younger.  I believe it is because of our age differences.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Although I’d kinda like 2, our plan is just for 1.  DH is almost 42 and we’re still not PG yet which is part of the reason.  We agreed on this before we got engaged.

    I loved having my sister along for family events even though we weren’t exactly close growing up.  Now we talk just about every day.  (3 years apart)

    Post # 8
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m a mom of one… 1 25 year old. If you want an opinion from a mother who has been through baby/toddler/child/teen/adult years I’d be happy to share.

    I love having one child. I love devoting all my time and attention on him. I raised him to be a polite, responsible, good man. I couldn’t be more proud of him and love him to pieces. When he was growing up I taught him how to do things, take responsibility and to be accountable. We would play, draw, ride bikes and even told me once when he was 15 “You know mom, most kids don’t like hanging out with their parents but I like to do things with you”. I got warm fuzzies inside when he said this… awwww.

    The only negative thing I’ve ever heard from him is that he didn’t have anyone to play with other than the neighborhood children. I think sometimes he would have wanted a sibling but if parents have another child so the first won’t be alone theres absolutely no guarantee that they would be close or even like each other. I’d rather take his same age cousins for the weekend a few times a month than have another child for a playmate. When I look back on our decision to have only one I don’t regret it one bit.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    958 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am an only child, and I hated it. I used to ask my mom for a sibling all the time, and I was always jealous of my friends with siblings. That doesn’t mean all only children feel that way, or that sister/brother automatically = bliss, but that’s just how I feel.

    For that reason, I would want to have at least 2, maybe 3. That all being said, my parents never planned to stop at one either- it just worked out that way. (Not that they couldn’t have another- the time just never seemed right for trying. There was always school, work, a move, etc). As I have not even had this baby yet, who knows how I will feel about having another one? But as of right now, I don’t plan to stop at one.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We are doing the one and done, for a few reasons you listed above.

    Financially it just makes sense, for us. We want to travel with our son,and take him places. I just don;t think we can do that with two. Financially speaking. That is an extra flight, and an extra stay.

    My son is almost 2 now. And honestly we LOVE the stage of where he is at. I don’t want to have to go through another pregnancy, another labour, another month after labour fatigue and pain, and work through all the kinks of having a new born and a child. Don;t get me wrong I loved every stage, but I’m not craving to have it back.

    As a couple we are just starting to get some of our freedom back as individuals. Like being able to play on the computer for a little while, not having to feed every x amount of hours for an hour each time.

    Also, I agree, while I personally loved having siblings, I know many people who don’t. So it’s not always a pleasant experience.

    I watch my sister with 3 kids, and it is so hectic, and she never has time for herself. She is so happy, don;t get me wrong, but I look at it and I do not envy the situation by any means.

    I want to give our son everything I never had, which means travelling, sports, toys, undivided attention.

    When I see a pregnant lady, I think ” Wow how precious, but glad it isn’t me”. I loved certain aspects of being pregnant. Like the intimacy between my son and I, the movements, the excitement. But I also hated how I felt, the worries, and alot of the post baby blues, and all that it has done to my body. I have always had body issues, and comming to grips with what my body is like now, has been difficult.

    For us as a couple, the pros to not having another outweigh the cons. So for us we are only having our son.

    Unless, something happens, and the BC fails us, well then I’d be more then happy to change my view on things 😉

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2873 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    DH and I really want two. (two boys to be exact) but at this rate we would be happy with just one healthy one. (boy or girl) 

    DH is 34 and I am 32 we have been trying for 6 months and both of us feel like time is ticking.  By the time we actually get pregnant we would have to turn around and have another quickly and obviously we can’t get pregnant quickly. I just don’t see how we could have two at this point, physically or financially.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    801 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    We planned and agreed on having two until I became pregnant.  I didn’t have  a terrible pregnancy but it was very rough on me mentally.  We have both agreed since then, that we are pretty sure we are one and done. 

    The thought of being preganant again while taking care of a baby or toddler stresses me out.  I know every pregnancy is different but that means not only could it be a breeze, it could be worse!  I don’t believe I’m willing to take that chance. 

    Additionally, financially we plan to fully pay for our child’s education.  With two we wouldn’t be able to do that and still have any kind of life for ourselves (assuming our income stays comparable to current).  It is a selfish viewpoint but we want to be able to be rewarded occaisionally too, which I believe makes for better parenting in the long run.  We also both work.  If we had two that would be in daycare at the same time, me continuing to work wouldn’t make sense.  I would not be a very satisfied SAHM.  I don’t have the right personality for it unfortunately.  I love the idea, it’s the reality that doesn’t work for me.

    For those main reasons we are keeping our options open for about 5 years and then we plan to make a permanent decision.  My family is not on board with our way of thinking but my husband’s family is.  You can’t please everyone, only yourself.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6824 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    More than likely it will be for us 1 and done. I am 37 and pregnant for the first time.  Pregnancy has been pretty easy for me but I don’t enjoy it one bit.  Between that and my age and how expensive it is to have a child.  I am just gratefull for the one that we will meet in Nov

    Post # 14
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We are one and done. FH actually had a vasectomy 8 weeks after our daughter was born, that’s how sure I was that I didn’t want any more. Here were my reasons:

    I don’t like kids enough to have a passel of them living in my house. I like my kid. I do not enjoy being surrounded by many kids. So why would I want to live with many kids?

    I doubt my ability to parent several children well. With one, I can focus on her and do a good job. Any more than one, and kids are just getting babysat, not parented. (By me. I’m speaking in terms of my own parenting skills. Some women manage 5 kids and do a great job. I would fall apart with that many and it would just be crowd control at that point.)

    Kids are expensive. We could afford more, but that would mean each kid gets less “stuff.” And I don’t mean possessions; I mean stuff in general. Less attention. They’d have to pick and choose between activities or sports because we’d have to pay for the other one to do them too, and split the time equally between both their activities. I prefer to be able to focus on just the one kid and give her the best life I possibly can.

    I really hated pregnancy and, to be honest, infancy. I never ever want to go through being pregnant or raising a newborn again. My daughter is almost 2 and I just feel so relieved sometimes at how I no longer have to get up with her at night, or sit and feed her every single meal, and I like that she’s a contributing family member now. Like, she’s actually funny and likeable to be around. It’s still work, but there’s rewards. There’s no reward when they’re infants. It’s just pure, grinding, boring work. Every time she makes it through a particularly hard stage, I just think, “I’m so glad I don’t ever have to do that again.” 

    Post # 15
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @ohheavenlyday: And that is exactly why I want 0 kids. I couldn’t imagine going through any of that, even 1 time!! I honestly don’t think I coudl make it through pregnancy with my mental health still in check (I already have issues with the fact that my body works against me instead of for me in a lot of ways now, I couldn’t imagine giving control to a being living inside of me!!) and then to have to actually take care of said being after they ripped my body apart to be born??? Ugh, no thank you!! 

    I am one of 3 and couldn’t imagine being an only child. My youngest sister is 7 years younger than me, and my brother is 10 years older than her, and we all get along great. I can’t say that it was always that way growing up though. But my brother and I were thick as thieves growing up.  I do have a couple of friends who were only children, and couldn’t imagine having another sbling to deal with and share things with, though.

    Post # 16
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    one & done for us! 

    @ohheavenlyday: I agree with almost everything you said – the attention, the activities – I want to give my all to my child and don’t know if I could do that with more than one. But I am really enjoying being pregnant. I know it’s the only time I will be so I’m trying to smile, relax and just take it all in, remember all the little things. 

     

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