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Oh my god...are we the same person?
I got so frustrated with a very similar situation (mom far away and not into it AT ALL, fiancee who only wants to do so much, FMIL who...forget it...). I gave up the whole thing about 14 times during the whole process -believe me.
Now, I'm 3 months away and am so glad that I didn't stop. All of the little details that all of our guests will see will be my details and my special touches. I thought that it was hard to be going it alone until I started reading on Weddingbee about OVER-INVOLVED parents, in-laws and friends. What a pain in the butt!
I never thought my mom (who lives in Cali -I live in Arkansas) would jump on the excited train but all of a sudden, at the last minute, she's full speed ahead.
I let myself get really really down about not having a bridal shower and engagement parties but you know what? They don't matter. This is about you and your fiancee. Your wedding should reflect the two of you.
I feel such a sense of accomplishment now that most of the big things are done knowing that I did them myself.
Don't let anyone rain on your parade. You deserve this wedding as much as any other girl. Have fun where you can, explain how lonely the process is to your fiancee and focus on the upcoming marriage.
I can only say that because I wasted months crying over what I thought was the most terrible situation ever. I wish I had had fun during the whole thing instead of being overwhelmed and sad.
I'm semi in the situation you are in; the only difference is that my FI is the one wanting the whole wedding, not me, yet who does most of the planning??
It's sad that not a lot of family is involved but I'm actually better off without the involvement of all of my family and the in-laws; if the in-laws wanted to be all up in the planning, I don't know what I would do so take that as a hidden blessing! You don't have someone questioning every decision you've made or tell you how they don't like anything you've done.
I go through stages myself where I don't want to do anything wedding planning related AT ALL. These stages last weeks! When I do get to that point I can usually let FI in the know and he'll help out. It doesn't say when your wedding is but you should give yourself some breaks to not become so unmotivated and (as much as I hate saying this) I would take breaks from anything wedding related, including message boards :)
Oh I am soooooo with you on this one. No one cares about our wedding. And the only people that do live 1600 miles away and can't afford to come for our wedding. Plus with all our medical bills and such we have had to cancel everything and it is just the two of us now. We will try and do a wedding later, maybe in a year for our anniversary. It is soooooooooooooooo hard not to get to have the wedding though and even harder that no one even cares. No showers, no bachlorette parties. Nothing. SOOOO I am with you on the bummed. What area are you both from? Being on here is fun to meet new people and help each other support each other:)
Joon, yes...I often feel the same way. It's a lot harder than I thought! Like you my mom has her own stuff going on and is not helping or really caring like I thought she would. My sis (MOH) is busy in college and not very interested in weddings...I can't blame her. My fiance is wonderful about listening (has gotten much better since this process started), but that's about it.
I agree that it is so frusterating being alone with all of the headaches of planning! We will get through this...the outcome will be wonderful!!!
SoonToBee, thank you so much for that inspiration...really! I have a long way to go...9.5 months. I need to print out your post and stick it in my planner and realize that I shouldn't get so frusterated or stressed! I really do have a lot accomplished already and I know my vision will be realized and it will be great.
The hardest thing for me right now is working with vendors. Caterers don't email me back and I live out of town, so can't come in for a consultation.... Ugh, does the wedding industry not work like other professional industries. If a client or potential client sends me an email, I email them back ASAP. Why does this not work with wedding vendors?
JoonBee and SoonToBee - are we THREE the same person? My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship, so he's 2,000 miles away, FMIL is that far but still manages to discourage me to know end, mother is far, no friends here, and all the sad feelings I have about not having the showers and the parties and doing everything totally alone are things that my already stressed fiance can't handle hearing over the phone. So, I can't even lean on him just now.
It's good to hear SoonToBee had some positive experiences and says it's worth hanging in there - for the last 2 weeks I've alost wanted to cancel because I couldn't take not only doing it myself, but just the IDEA that i had no one. That's what's most depressing, which zaps my otherwise can-do energy. I've really felt like it's never going to get better... I'm terrified something will come up that will keep my fiance from being able to move and us getting married.
Can't cake taste, can't caterer taste... ah!
I was just about to write the same post...I am starting to feel so bummed about the whole wedding...we are less than 2 months away at this point but I just want it done! My mom is not excited at all, lives far away and just critisizes every choice I make. My younger sister (MOH) is 19 and in her own world. My bridesmaids live in other states and haven't expressed any desire to help with anything, even from a distance. I did have a bachelorette party, that I planned, but there will be no showers. My FI is very not into all this planning. All in all, it is just not at all fun or enjoyable.
I can relate. I wanted to elope but, Fiance's Mum insisted she be at the wedding wherever it was and my Fiances told me she would be upset if she was not invited. So I began to plan a wedding for 50 people and I'm so thankful for this site and to know I'm not alone in my planning, everytime I post an idea for a d.i.y or dress opinion etc.. I have many enthusiastic brides to be (and wives) replying within minutes, sure I don't know you all personally but, it's nice that others take the time to give insight. I'm do not have ANY family (other than my Fiance), we live in Michigan, my m.o.h lives in D.C and isn't really in to the whole wedding planning (she's a little selfish too in the sense that she likes to talk mainly about her and her boyfriend), my close friends live in my home country of Scotland, my Fiances family live in California and they haven't offered to help with anything, even from afar 9I shouldn't complain though since I have my vision and I don't think they would quite get it or be able to help), my other friends live several hours away.....it's all rather frustrating and dissapointing at times but, you just take one day at a time and as someone else pointed out, sometimes planning alone can be less stressful in the long run- ever heard of "Too many cooks spoil the broth"? :P Just do what you can and ask for help when you need it. You can do this and remember, it doesn't have to be a bih show, keep it simple and meaningful. You will be so proud of all your hard work, I know I am- all those d.i.y projects take time and effort and it will show and your guests will no doubt compliment you on all your effort. I'm not having the bridal shower or the engagement party etc... which bummed me out at first but, I'm just focused on the actual wedding day itself now. I have learned who I can truly reply on through all of this and honestly, it's a bit sad to say but, the only people I can 110% reply on is myself and my soon to be husband- thank God for him, this just confirms why I'm marrying him......he has so many wonderful qualities and reliable.....what a blessing. I've told my Fiance that if and when we have daughters and they are getting married that I'm going to make sure they are spoiled around wedding time, I don't want them to feel alone or forgotten when they are planning- feeling like this isn't very nice and I hate to think of others feeling like this.
Hang in there, it will all be worth it in the end!
Ditto to everything you guys said. I'm flying solo too.
Yep, I did it all myself too. Somehow I expected some help from my BMs, but got none. And now I will be married in less than 24 hrs. and even the rehearsal has me bummed. Good luck!
I feel bad for you all but, glad to hear I'm not alone in my solo planning, I don't feel so nutty now. :P I was beginning to feel like I just had flakey friends and in laws, I see thats not the case.
sorry you're feeling this way. it's important to keep your excitement up. let your FI know you want and need him............sometimes, guys just need to know that up front. try going out and meeting some people that share your interests. don't worry what anyone else thinks of your wedding. it's your wedding. come on! you're getting married! enjoy every moment! people feed off other people's energy. if you're feeling down and out about your wedding...guess what? everyone else is going to too. be excited about your wedding. start doing stuff on your own. you'll see...soon enough, there'll be plenty of people around who want to share your joy!
Wow, thank you ALL for the responses!! Feel so much better that I am not alone and that planning a wedding alone is doable. I was walking on the clouds for a very short period of time after we got engaged and when I realized that no one is willing to help and I was on my own, I was still ok about it, thinking that I can do it. What really dragged me down was that I felt insulted by many things that my FILs said to me and I was hurt by my parents for their lack of enthusiasm. After years of wanting me to get married, I thought they'd be more excited about this.
@bluespurrs - omg, congratutulations! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!
@Miss SoonToBee - Thank you so much for your inspiration. I have to admit that I have cried several times about this in the 3 months that I have been engaged, but I'll remember what you said and try not to waste time being too upset.
@ACountryCowgirl - I live in MA. You have it tougher than me! FI's family didn't want us to have a wedding (preferred us to elope, thinking weddings are too expensive) and that sounded terrible to me. I am not having any shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelorett's party, etc. either, but I am ok with that. I just want a nice and meaningful wedding. I hope you do get to have a wedding that is meaningful to you like you planned!
Everyone of your posts was very very helpful and I do feel a little bit of motivation coming on.. :) It is true that in the end, everything is still good as long as I know that I can count on FI, and myself.
Good luck everyone with the plannings!!
I planned everything all by myself
no engagement party thrown
just 3 peopel at my bridal shower
but you know what I loved every minute of planning it makes me sooo happy; his family lives on another continent so I dont worry about overly involved in-laws, my mom hates manhattan so hasnt been overbearing about anything; almost like a bride's dream; my mom did come out for gown shopping i would have been hurt if she didnt
my only regret is not having my fiance here to help me make decisions; really sad looking at venues on my own or signing contracts on my own; at least he flew in for the food tasting
but I know we will be very happy once we are together thats why the hardship is worth it
I did a lot of my projects by myself but I enjoyed it when it get stoo lonely I just bring all my stuff to my sisters place and her little kids help me out; my 5 year old niece is even more helpful than my 15 year old niece
in away its less stressful because I can plan everything I just wich my fiance were here to join me in it thats my only sad part about it
Ugh, i feel ya. My fiance has been great in helping but i can tell he gets kind of annoyed. My FMIL loves to help, but i kind of get the feeling she has a little bit of a different vision. My mom, it would just cause a huge fight, and my bridal party loves to blow me off.
I just do what I can and try not to stress my self out. Which I know isn't the best advice
Seriously, i'm in a pretty good place with this planning it all myself thing but this post helped me even more.
I won't be having and haven't had engagement/bachelorette/bridal parties. I really let that get to me for a minute but made myself get over it. I mean, no one was paying attention to me anyway so what was the point in being pissy? Kidding...
Some advantages to planning it solo:
In the past 14 months I've changed my flowers three times and didn't have to be made fun of or chastised or get called a Bridezilla (no one has known about the changes because no one knew about the original plan)
My fiance and I have gotten ridiculously close to each other -my loneliness for help drew my fiance in so now we're both super involved
When people show up to our reception it will be a complete surprise to EVERYONE there. I kind of think that it's cool that not even my mom has any idea what things will look like
Because I don't have bridesmaids/attendants there's very little drama. I'm worrying about my dress, my hair, my shoes and no one else. I'm keeping myself happy instead of dealing with a group of feuding girls (I know that it's not always that way but I've seen it a lot on these boards)
I branched out and found this site. I would've never come up with so many creative ideas on my own. The support has been invaluable.
WHEW!!! I am glad ***sorry*** to see others with the same situation. I am not sure really "how" busy my family and friends are, but that is what I hear the most. I am down to 37 days and starting to have moments each day I just throw my hands up and say whatever. My FH got mad last night bc he said the past week all I have done is shop for wedding things online and talk about them. EXCUSE ME! I quietly shut off my laptop and told him to get in touch with my aunt about the rest of the details. I was DONE! I believe he finally got the point. I have to remind him to remind his mom that his stepdad aka best man and brother aka groomsman need to get their pants and shoes. With my mom being sick now we changed how we were going to handle the food for the reception and dared to ask her to fix things. She said yes, but it was obvious she was not happy having to help with it. We wanted a SMALL, intimate wedding and for everyone else's sake it got bigger and bigger....now I sit here with it all and trying to make sure it is nice.
WOW!! Sorry girls...I really needed to talk to someone about it...I am so glad I found this site!
It is soooo awesome to have this site when you don't have others to support you or talk to, it has really helped me through a lot of the tough times. I still get sad about missing out on so much, but then I think about how lucky I am to have TRUE LOVE through anything and rest in that:) We both love each other and love the LORD that is the best I can ask for:)
Miss Soon To Be: I love the list of advantages of planning alone you gave. You are dead on! It does get a bit lonely at times planning alone, but for sure, we dont' have to worry about having to deal with others' (bad) opinions and drama. lol I'll have to keep your words of wisdom in mind!
We all should form a club or something. lol
Thanks ladies! I just returned from Macy's filling out my registry alone amoung several giddy engaged couples while my fiance hung out at home. I feel like he is going to be a guest at our wedding. His only input has been on the menu, and its hard not to take it personally or get frustrated. My mother does not speak English well, and my bridesmaids are working moms or live far away. It's been hard to manage everything on my own, but I guess the good part is that the wedding is exactly how I want it to be. I don't have to compromise or argue with someone about what I want. Still a little enthusiasm would be appreciated, and I am so glad I have my wedding bee.
Same story here, with a few minor adjustments...... No parties, showers, etc. No bridal party or attendants and now were down to 8 guests coming to the actual wedding. Ditto to all of the comments........I vote for forming the club!!!
I vote for a club to, we just need a password and secret handshake:)
I feel your pain!!! My mom seems uninterested in helping me plus she has her own life and things to do! I've been married before but in a courthouse no wedding at all so my mom thinks this whole wedding thing is getting out of hand. I've tried explaining to her that my fiance has never been married and his family wants us to have a wedding....we want a wedding. Just a small wedding at the most 100 people or so. No big deal and we're paying for EVERYTHING!!! His mother says she's not crafty and has no ideas really? His sister (don't even get me going on FSIL) she's trying to tell me what to do that's really annoying, my oldest sister was trying to help but kept making everything about her and her trying to have another baby, blah blah blah she never will let anyone else have the spotlight for even a day!!! Then there's my little sister who is 20 yrs old in college and works full time like she can help!!! Whewww...anyways, I am so exhausted I am starting back to nursing school full time in January I have 3 semesters to go and I will be a nurse so as you can see I am trying to get everything I can done before December for my May wedding. I don't want to have anything to do from Jan to May except small task that are not that big a deal. My fiance trys to help but is watching TV more than helping or listening to my ideas. What is a bride to do? I don't want another court house wedding but geeez I'm about to say lets ALOPE!!!
What a great thread! I thought planning my weddng was going to be a family affair, but literally every detail is being shot down by my mom and sis (MOH). By every detail I mean when, where, the fact that we're even having a wedding, the colors, chairs, guest list, flowers. Everything. I get no kuddos or suggestions, just criticisms. Last night my dad even said this wedding is not on his priority list and he doesn't care if he's even invited. Probably the most hurtful thing he's ever said to me.
My family may not be what I always dreamed, but that doesn't mean my wedding can't be. I was really upset last night, but I refuse to let them ruin this for me. Besides, I know that once they're at the church, they will be talking about beautiful everything is and telling people how excited they are about the marriage.
We are strong girls and our weddings are the perfect opportunity to create our own family with our new husbands. We can become the moms, sisters, MOHs that we wish we had.
flying solo isn't so bad sometimes. I am totally on my own. My fiance is deployed and my bm's are in other cities. When I want to discuss something I just get on here and blog. The girls here are sweet you can talk on and on about your plans and have lots of people to listen and give feedback. If it wasn't for weddingbee I would blow up with all my questions and ideas :)
@JoonBee Wow! I really feel for you! Is there any way you can get someone local to be involved? I don't know how many local friends you have but, if you have some good local friends, there are two options I can think of. The first is to a add an aditional bridesmaid who is local and someone you know would be willing to help out. The second option is actually what I opted for is to have a friend serve as your wedding coordinator. I am only having one bridesmaid in my wedding for simplicity and budget reasons. However, she is pregnant, has 2 kids, just moved back to the country, among other things and realistically doesn't have much time to help out and my mom lives in another state. My friend who is serving as my coordinator has been in plenty of weddings and really doesn't care to be in any more but is FANTASTIC at the planning process! We meet on a regular basis and it's been a LIFESAVER for me. We always meet over dinner and our rule is no business over dinner. This is a great time to catch up and gives me time to talk about the rest of life that has nothing to do with wedding. After dinner, we start going over details. On the day of the wedding, she will be the point of contact for all vendors and oversee all of the things I won't be able to focus on. Just a thought...
**Hugs** I've done most of the planning by myself too. Here's some advice that helped me get started on planning:
Planning is overwhelming when you think of all of it at once. Don't do this. Break it up it to pieces and make yourself a timeline. A few good resources for time lines are the knot, martha stewart, or real simple. Think about what aspects of your wedding are most important to you. Rank them so that you can spend more time and effort on those items.
Second, I think picking a venue for your church and reception is probably the first big task you need to take care of. Once I booked ours, it was a lot easier to start forming a vision of the decorations/theme/etc.
Take your time with dress shopping, but keep in mind that dresses can take anywhere from 4-6months to come in + another month or two for alterations if you need them. You could do a majority of your research online and then find out what stores in your area carry the specific designers & styles. This would save time searching through racks at the store.
Feel free to come the 'hive to share your thoughts and ideas on planning! We're a supportive group and would love to hear about all your wedding details! Don't stress out, take a deep breath, don't spend all your time planning and, most importantly, enjoy your engagement with your fiance!!!!
Best of luck and let us know if we can help in any way :)
Hi girls! I am so glad I came across this blog. I too am practically planning my wedding alone and I have a very unsupportive family. I've exhausted my fiance's listening capacity when it comes to my feelings about my family and some of my friends and I have cried so much during what should be one of the happiest times of my life. Your messages are so encouraging simply because I felt so hurt , alone and bitter. The hardest thing for me right now is checking out wedding vendors and it seems as though time is running out so fast! After reading your posts, I feel like it's actually POSSIBLE to be happier in this situation. Who would have thought!...
making the best of it...
march bride :)
It was hard to plan a lot of it alone, but it also has had a lot of hidden blessings. I would never have met a lot of friends I now have thanks to weddingbee. I have really come a long ways in how I feel about all of it. Yes I still get sad and upset at how my family and so called friends have acted, but then I just think about all the new friends I have and how the people involved are people that really truly care!!! It is all of these new friends who have been answers to prayers and have helped to make my day special:) It is awesome when you need something, they are there. I want to be the same for them. It is a great support group for when you are down and great to be excited for you when you have something great!!! Thank you to all who have offered your support to me through it all and to all of you who have contributed little things to the wedding:) It is soooo very very awesome:)
I know I have some of you on my blog, but if anyone else has blogs, please let us know, I love keeping up with everyone. It is just a great way to get your feelings out there and get some good advice:)
Mine is
Oh Ladies! I am right there with you all... flying solo is SO HARD! My fiance is 15 hours away by car...so is FMIL... My mother is all the way across the country... about 5 days drive :( All of my BM live in other states across the country... I don't have any friends here to help with planning... Talk about frustrating. BUT I am learning that there is a silver lining= TOTAL CONTROL! HAHAHA There is something to be said about not having people constantly in your ear trying to sway your decisions... It always can be worse ladies...
Maybe some of the girls on here that are in the same area could get together to help eachother out? Just a thought :)
Chin Up!
*HUGS*
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I have been feeling so overwhelmed and I literally shut down for 2 weeks, not able to think about the wedding planning part because I don't enjoy doing all of this myself. My mom doesn't want to help me and she's got her own stuff to worry about and she's not local, I don't have any local friends, all my BMs are out of state, my FMIL and I have had our disagreements and I'd rather leave her out or she'd make things worse. (long story) My FI is helping me a little but he has his limits and I think he's approching it fast. I have no one to talk to about my planning and it's driving me nuts. Right now I feel like I am not worth it and no one cares about my wedding, anyway. I plan on doing a lot of DIY, etc. to save costs, too. It's so hard to get motivated, and I keep looking at how much time I have left until the wedding and I'd get very nervous about it. I don't have a car so even dress shopping or even just going out to stores to get supplies is proving to be a obstacle.
I feel like just giving up but I don't want to. I don't know if I can handle everything and do everything myself.
Anyone in similar situation like mine?