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I'm not hyphenating, I'm just moving my maiden name to my middle name and keeping my maiden name that way. It works for me.
If hyphenating works for you, then go for it!
I am thinking more seriously lately about hyphenating, but I probably won't. FI and I both have fairly long, oft-mispronounced names and I'm just not sure I want to do that to myself twice-over. But if we had shorter, easier names, I would have, for the same reasons as you. I want a family name, but that doesn't mean I want it to be his alone. ;)
Ditto texaslawgirl. I want the connection to my family of my maiden name, but I want to take his last name. Hyphenating just isn't for me. Can't really explain why.
I moved my old last name to one of my middle names instead. I just had a meeting with my insurance guy last week and he said it wasn't a good thing that I didn't hypenate because it can actually be really problematic! He said that people and computers mess up your name so much and it can be such a headache to straigten it all out.
Our last names are too long to hyphenate, so we are both taking my last name as our new middle name. It was his idea, actually, and I love it!
We're doing what thriftsiren is -- both taking my last as a new middle.
I'll be going by both names all the time though, but in MN it's not a big deal to use two last names, hyphenated or not. Ours sound pretty good together, and are short enough. I'm sure paperwork and things like that can get muddled if you have a hyphenated or two last names, but geez, I've had plenty of paperwork and bureaucracy headaches for no good reason without any kind of name change so far! It's the nature of the beast. You'll be fine!
For now I am keeping my name, but I am considering hyphenating after we have kids. I really like my middle name and have no desire to get rid of it, so originally I was going to go by two last names without hyphenation. Unfortunately what I've noticed is that in those scenarios the women just get called by the husband's last name anyway. So maybe hyphenation will be the answer. I am perfectly happy never changing my name but my FH has been throwing a fit. We'll see....
You should definitely go with what makes you the happiest and the most comfortable. That being said, as someone who grew up with a hyphenated name, I feel it's my duty to warn you that hyphenation is a pain. I personally can't wait to ditch my hyphenated last name for my FI's lovely short normal last name when we get married. A lot of companies computer systems still can't deal with hyphenated last names (read: airlines, standardized tests, etc). This might be changing, but I'm not so sure. Also, no matter how "normal" you think hyphenated last names are, a ton of people *just don't get it*. I get sooo many questions about my last name, and it gets to be kind of old to be answering those questions for the 90 billionth time.
Seriously though, you should definitely do what works for you.
We are not hyphenating because it's too long. We are each adding each other's name, so we'll have four names. We'll either be Mr. & Mrs. Sequoia Redwood, or Mr. & Mrs. Redwood Sequoia. Any children will have that last name as well -- I think they will also have a middle name. They can do as they like when they're grown up.
Good luck with this decision!
I like my middle name, and don't really think I'll miss my last name. I was thinking about throwing it in informally (on FB, etc) but then I realized that everyone I know knows FI and I together, so there's not much point.
I think for some people, it's better though. For instance, I'm marrying young, so I don't really have to worry about business contacts, etc. FSIL just added it as an extra middle name, that works too.
As someone who grew up with a hyphenated last name, let me say this. Please PLEASE do not hyphenate your children's last names (if you have kids). If you want to do it for yourself, feel free but it really is a burden for kids. They are harder to spell, annoying to explain to people (the Virginia DMV didn't want to give me a driver license when I moved there without proof of a marriage license - it's my maiden name that is hyphenated and she wouldn't believe me), etc. I am dropping my hyphenated last name like a hot rock the minute we marry. I know it may seem 'neat' or new, but please, it's a bad idea :)
-Bella
P.S. Honestly it's more hassle than it's worth - my mother eventually went back to her own last name (professionally and personally) while still married, and then left me, my father and my sister with the long ridiculous last name. The other thing is, a lot of times people will get confused when you have a hyphenated last name - I am asked (or it is assumed) that the first part of my last name is actually my middle name. It's not. I technically have a first name, a middle name, and a hyphenated last name. Also, computer programs, schools, employers, credit card companies, banks, stores, etc have ridiculous problems when working with last names. Think long and hard before you do it :) You may regret it!
If you are considering hyphenating, I'd strongly suggest talking to anyone you know that's done it. I had a professor who hyphenated her last name and she said it was the worst decision she made. She said, even in today's day and age, computer programs never know how to deal with the hyphen and it's always causing a big problem for her. ...just some food for thought.
I will be hyphenating, but if we have kids, they'll have just his last name. Since my first name means "morning" in German, and his name means "wood" in others, there was NO WAY I was going to straight take his last name and be "Morning Wood"! Plus, it will just be easier, I can still keep my e-mail address at work and just change my signature line, and it will be easier to remember to just add on a -hislastname.
Thanks for the insight everyone! I wouldn't hyphenate my children's name. I'm really not considering just taking my FI's last name because I'm pretty attached to mine. So I do feel like having a hyphenated name would at least keep me connected by name to future children- as opposed to just keeping my maiden name. But I am pretty worried that hyphenating will be a huge hassle for me instead of being the nice compromise I thought it would be.
I recently got married and am struggling now with all the paperwork I am dealing with that comes with a name change. I am also hyphenating to myname-hisname. Thankfully, it's only 3 syllables. Professionally, I felt it was necessary to keep my maiden name, but I am also a traditionalist and felt taking his name was necessary also, hence the hyphen. It's all a personal choice, but in retrospect, now that I'm dealing with the name change paper work, it's a REAL PITA! Good luck bees!
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I want to keep my last name but also have a name that shows that I'm married. I thought hyphenating would be the best way (for me) to do this. Sometimes it seems like a lot of the girls around here have opted not to hyphenate, for various reasons. So I'm just curious, who is hyphenating? And why did you decide to hyphenate?