Post # 1
I don’t know how to write this without coming across as a whiney, money-grabby bride. But for a wedding that is costing us over $200 per person I am rather shocked and hurt by the gifts we have been receiving from our registry. I just received a registry gift worth $50 from a couple! Other gifts I have received have been below $100. I was pressured into registering and am now sorry I did. I am afraid I will go into my wedding day feeling hurt and slighted and stressed about money!
I understand that it is an out of town wedding…but we didn’t have an engagement party, bridal shower or anything requiring anyone to have given us any money or gifts previously!
I had been warned that people will give us a lot less than we expect. But really I am hurt and shocked. I would never think of going to a wedding and giving someone a $50 gift! At least not in New York. I don’t know how to not feel bitter and resentful about the whole thing..
Anyone else feel similiarly? Wanna call me a whiney, money-grabber????
Post # 3
With the economy being the way it is, perhaps it’s possible more of your guests are struggling and unable to give the kind of gifts normally expected in your area of the country. Where I live, $50-$100 per couple is pretty standard. We had some people give more, and some people give less, but I know most people gave what they could afford. Do not let it ruin your day for you. Remember that everybody’s coming together on one day to celebrate you two as a couple. On that day, gifts are not going to be on your mind!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t call you a whiney money grabber, but…..if you are “stressed about money” as it relates to how much of your wedding costs you’re going to recoup from the expense of the wedding, then perhaps you planned a wedding beyond your budget? (please don’t hate me for saying that.) It’s difficult not to look at dollars and cents (and checking your online bank account three times a day) but recovering costs should not be the priority. Also, you can’t exactly fault your guests for buying you gifts that you registered for. A lot of people are really tight on money right now and for some, it may have cost them almost all of their disposable income just to be AT the wedding (gas/airfare for your out of town wedding, attire, possibly time off from work, babysitter for kids, etc etc). Put it this way, at least they got you a gift with hopefully a nice card.
Half of our guests are flying to our wedding, and to the horror of my mom and FMI, I told them I was NOT going to register since we have everything we need and also because we knew we were already asking ALOT of them to even come out. Mom and FMI said I had to register otherwise people would give money (which we do NOT want them to do) so I went to macys & sur la table and registered. Most things were $50 and under (mainly stuff we go through on a regular basis-scented candles, towels, paring knives…etc) so that no one felt pressured to buy us a $300 KitchenAid!
Post # 5
About 1/3 of the guests (DH’s friends) got us NOTHING, and we spent $175 pp. Try that for size.
Post # 6
Considering no one is obligated to get you a gift for your wedding, I’d say getting something worth $50-$100 is pretty generous. The main point of a wedding is not to get gifts (although that is a nice added bonus) but to celebrate your new marriage. People give gifts they deem appropriate, and it is no ones place to judge the monetary value of a gift. If you registered for something worth $50, how did you not expect to receive it from a guest? The money your guests spend on your wedding is money from THEIR paycheck that is not going to THEIR lives…be grateful for what you have received because I guarantee there are lots of other brides out there who are receiving much less.
Post # 7
I have gone to weddings and spent $50 on a gift from both DH and I 🙁 Sometimes, finances are tight and it’s all we’ve been able to afford. I always put the same thought and effort into what I think they will like. I would hate to think the couple feel hurt or offended by this – they didn’t ask if I wanted them to spend $200 on my meal so I’m not sure why I should be expected to match it with my gift. I didn’t expect that from any of our guests and I think you might need to work on getting over the hurt, because it will colour your feelings about your wedding and guests which would be sad. Most people will spend what they can afford, some will go above and beyond, and some will go below. It’s not really up to us to pass judgement on that, as tempting as it might be. I was disappointed with the gift from my parents, not because of its monetary value (they gave us money for the wedding so I didn’t expect a gift anyway) but because it was house stuff not on our registry which we will never use (a round table cloth when we’d always planned to get rid of our round dining table, which we now have). My mother doesn’t believe in registries, but she provided a perfect example for why they’re so great!
Post # 8
People aren’t supposed to “pay” for the wedding by giving you gifts. It is your choice to spend whatever you are spending on your wedding to make it just right for you – your guests aren’t asking you to spend this money on them. $50 is my usual amount for a wedding gift, particularly if I’m spending $300 for plane tickets, $200 for hotel (probably more in NY), $$ to eat meals out of town. Consider people’s presence their gift, rather than something material. Enjoy that they are coming from all over the country to be with you. We’re spending $20k on our wedding, but we figure we’re spending it on ourselves so we can have the wedding we want.
Post # 9
i really dont agree with the premise that people should buy gifts that are at or exceeding how much it was to have you there. I mean seriously? Because someone had a lavish wedding doesnt mean I can pay for an over the top gift. I’m not trying to attack you, but just remember people are traveling, which is not cheap, and they are there because they love you.. try not to think about the gifts’ value.
that being said, i have never exceeded $75 on a wedding gift, and I hope my guests don’t go over $50.. we don’t need it. We just want a nice day to celebrate our love.
Post # 10
I agree with the previous posters. We aren’t even registering for anything. If our guests want to out of the goodness of their hearts bring us a gift that is fine, but we would much rather have them attend our wedding and enjoy their presence than to have them purchase a gift above and beyond what they are going to have to pay to attend or go into debt over it. When you have a party at your home, you don’t expect people to bring a gift and you spend money to have the party, so why, in my opinion, should a wedding be any different. They are there to share in the joining of a couple; not to pay for their wedding.
Post # 11
I just received a $75 gift split 4 ways – my wedding is about $50/person. And this was from FI’s family. They did give a $50 Bridal Shower gift…..
Post # 12
A good friend of mine got married two years ago in NY. The wedding was very elegant (her husband is a pharmacist and she has a good job too). She said that the average gift was around $50 (per couple). Like you, I was really surprised to hear this.
Post # 13
I haven’t been sad about any of the gifts we have gotten, however I was a little bummed after the shower that my parents, didn’t get us anything and fi’s parents didn’t get us anything, but she was overheard telling someone that as a shower/wedding gift she was going to put $300 towards our honeymoon, when for his sisters wedding they paid about 12k and two years ago for his younger brothers wedding his parents paid 13k for the whole wedding! I was also kind of bummed that the best man of our wedding didn’t show up to the shower and never even sent a card. I feel like the gifts you get for your shower/wedding are ones that you have forever and tell stories about to your grandkids, so it’s kinda sad to me that I won’t be able to say to my kids when it’s time for their weddings that this is what your grandparents got your dad and I for our wedding. No matter what it was, I won’t even be able to say that they got us a card with a lovely note or anything.
Post # 14
I hate the ‘cover your plate’ rule, but I totally understand why you are upset. I was also shocked at the lack of presents we received for the wedding. The cheapest things on our registry were swiped up first which absolutely shocked me, I thought they woudl be last. IDK, as a wedding guest I’d rather buy one big item than several small items, but we had guests get us one small item.. from a couple.
The thing that bugged me more than getting a small gift was getting no gift. Especially from people who we had bought generous gifts for at their wedding. And I don’t think declining an invitation is an excuse not to buy a gift. I think it’s in really poor taste.
Post # 15
We got great gifts, and honestly just made a registry because we were “forced” to by my in-laws. We didn’t need anything, but it was nice to upgrade. We received mostly cheques, gift cards & cash; however we had 3 guests not bring a gift. I realize you don’t have to, but to me, it’s just bad etiquette. Even a $2 card is better than nothing at all. Interestingly enough, all 3 non-gift-givers were of the younger generation (20-25) so I think maybe sometimes, the younger generation doesn’t understand the do’s and don’ts… or maybe just didn’t care.
Post # 16
With the economy the way that it is, I don’t think that you should be expecting anyone to cover their plate at your wedding. You’re saying that it’s $200/person, so that would be $400/couple which is outrageous to me. I understand that you’re upset, but you were also warned that this would happen. I think expecting to receive back what you paid for the wedding is a little unreasonable. I received some gifts that were under $50, but I knew that was all they could afford to give me and was still grateful for it. Some didn’t give gifts at all…it happens.