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The title of this post was hard to write. I didn't necessarily mean that you wanted to be pregnant during engagement, but I meant you were thinking about it already.
My friends and I generally deferred marriage until after career was established. As such, many of my friends actually got pregnant before they were married (by like a month or two).
I think there are pros and cons to that approach, but we are definitely not going that route.
However, we are planning on starting a family pretty soon after the wedding (if things work out). Is there anyone else in the same boat? Are you doing anything now to prepare for that future. Anyone else worried that it might be too stressful to have a wedding and get pregnant is quick succession?
It's been on my mind because I've been doing routine health maintenence lately, and both of my providers were encouraging us to start trying now (not going to happen!).
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I've been thinking about lately and I would mind getting pregnant a couple of months before the wedding. My doctors also ask me about getting pregnant and they keep saying that this is the best time. I think we are going to wait another year because I want to be financially stable but if it happens, it happens.
I have the baby twinge for sure! Every time I see a pregnant woman or baby I get all these warm fuzzy feelings... My career is established (or was before all this crap with LAUSD) and my FI is on the right track (one promotion away from being one of the top positions in his company), but I still think it would be a good idea to give our marriage a year before having kids. Not sure if that will happen, but it is the goal...
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Oh heck yes!!! We have been together for seven yrs. And he was ready to have a baby- five yrs ago. (I know shocking... how can a man be ready to be a father but not be ready to be a husband?- Don't get me started).
But we are going to be getting married in June, and hopefully get pregnant in Dec. I think it's definitely time. =o) And we have been talking about starting a family during the whole wedding process. Which has been a joy. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling that the two of us are more than just the two of us.
I have one friend though who is feeling the baby bug. she dated her man for two yrs, then got married- and she is ready, but he isn't! And he says he 'doesn't know when [he] will be'. and they are in their thirties. She feels like they don't have the luxury of just 'playing it by ear' or delaying it longer than necessary.
This is one of those must have conversations to make sure you both are on the same page... in terms of timing.
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We're thinking the same thing. Although we're young, I have a variety of health issues which may make it difficult to conceive, and I'm worried that the longer we wait the harder it will be. I told my doctor that I was getting married in April and wanted to get pregnant after that. All she said was "call me for pre-natal vitamins when you're ready"
I'm not worried that it will be stressful to do after the wedding, I'm more worried that people will think it's too soon, we should wait, etc. We aren't what most people would consider financially established, but....we will see.
What an interesting topic! And I'm sure there will be so many different opinions.
I'm not sure where we stand on children. We have talked about it, and generally decided that we would try eventually but haven't decided on when. He wants to have a child before 28 (he thinks his dad was too old and cranky when he hit his teens - I told him all dads are cranky)
The thing I've been told is that you want to start trying sooner than when you actually want to concieve. There is never any guarentee on how ... uh fertile I guess ... you and your SO are and it could take you awhile.
I would think getting pregnant right after the wedding would be more thrilling (if you're trying) then stressful but I could definetly see it being both.
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We are getting married in September and we want to start trying right away. I wouldn't mind starting a month or two before the wedding but I think my FI wants us to be officially married before we start the baby making process.
Yup, I plan on going off of my BCP at the end of April and our wedding is in May. We are both ready for a family and we've both obtained all our degrees and have a few years experience in our field. I will be 30 when we get married, and I want to have a few children, so I don't want to wait and risk complications that can occur as you get older.
We've talked about it a little...we both know we want kids, and I'm not that young. Also, both of our sisters had horrible, prolonged ordeals getting and staying pregnant, so we're somewhat prepared for that. Without being TMI, I already know I have some concerns that will most likely push any pregnancy into a higher risk category, so this is all an overt concern for us. As soon as we got serious I felt that I had to tell him there was a chance I couldn't carry a pregnancy at all, b/c kids are really important to both of us and I wanted to know he'd be comfortable with pursuing other options in that case. I will be on the other side of the country for our first year of marriage (I know, I'm sure many people disagree with that but it works for us). But part of the reason for choosing to pursue this opportunity now is so that we can start thinking about a family soon after. We've talked about his taking a year's sabbatical (though his company no longer offers that explicitly) when we have a baby, and it would be great for him to get another promotion to a bit more of a comfortable (and more easily transferrable to other companies) position before that. For myself I know I'm always going to have a career I forge for myself, so I'll just have to figure out how to make it all work (luckily I'm pretty sure I don't want to go the academia/tenure route). My current workplace is extremely family-friendly...so it's a reason to consider returning to the same job after my year away.
It's really important to me to wait a couple years before introducing a baby into the mix. I want to have time to just be married first. I think it can really make a difference. That's not to say my clock's not ticking though! My logic is just currently stronger.
How ironic that you posted this today. FI and I had a loooooong conversation about this last night. I was ready to have a baby a couple of years ago, but over the past year or so the desire has gone away (I'm almost 32). We have a lot going on right now and in the next year (moving, new jobs, selling & buying homes, the wedding, etc.) and the thought of adding a baby to the mix overwhelms me.
I am fearful that I won't have the desire to have a baby again and my FI desperately wants a family. But, he travels so much for work that I almost feel like I'd end up being a part-time single mom (he has no choice in the matter and signed a contract). It may be totally irrational, but the thought of working full-time and being the exclusive caregiver for half of every month scares the heck out of me.
However, like RIbride I don't want to wait too long and risk the health of the baby. Has anyone else gone from wanting a baby to being completely terrified of having one, and not being able to figure out how a baby will fit in to your life?
We are big on this. We actually were talking about this and if we were able to have children the "normal" way we would start as soon as the wedding was over.
But since we can't we are sort of already planning. I had a hysterectomy and I am unable to have children. We are going to have an egg donor and surrogant mother. So we are planning and saving now.
But I will admit it is hard. In fact Mr. FF wants to start getting things now. We were in walmart and he saw the cutest dress and wanted to buy in so we would have it. So cute.
So I know a little off subject but yes we are planning to have them ASAP!
Oh, I'm so glad I posted this... I was nervous to do it, but fiance have been discussing this stuff a lot lately because of my recent visits with my providers. I'm 37, so if we delay or have any problems, we're definitely going the adoption route. (And in fact, we're only planning on one biological child... any others will be adopted).
When I first met fiance, he said he didn't want kids until he was over 30. Well, he'll be 27 when we get married, and we mutually decided that's close enough ;)
We know we may have some problems in the reproductive realm, and I think that's why my providers would prefer sooner rather than later...
We are also fully prepared for a long haul or to be ready for an alternative route... If we're going to adopt, we'll probably wait until I have a full-time academic position (1 year or so).
Doesn't it just make you love your SO all the more when they go all mushy over babies? It's really so sweet!
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FI and I have been together for 7 years and we're getting married this May. I'm 4 years older than FI, so it's probably best that we get this done quickly; however, with starting our lives together, merging our finances, and FI wanting to purchase a house within this year, I think we're putting too much on our plate. FI feels very strongly that we should start on our honeymoon! Yikes.
My FI and I had differing views on when we wanted kids. We both definitely wanted a family, but as he is about 2 years older than me, he feels more of a drive(ironic, huh?) to have the little pitter patter of feet.
As a resident(which I know you can relate, doctorgirl), I just felt like I didn't have the financial stability or time to devote to a child right now. On top of that, my FI is transitioning into a small business and is basically constantly in debt. We're having a hard enough time getting the wedding paid for. We had to really sit down and discuss the issue, since he is the less "grounded" of the two of us.
We decided that I had valid reasons for not wanting to get pregnant right away, but I also understand the pressure from providers, and obviously know the risks involved in waiting into your 30's. Still, I would rather take the risk than regret giving my children the kind of childhood I would like to give them!
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not alone in having reproductive concerns. When I learned of my issues (almost 10 years ago, long before I was thinking of having kids in any concrete way), I was devastated. And watching my sister and FSIL go through what they went through only drove home for me how trying it can be. My sister always said that there is plenty of support for all kinds of issues related to having children, e.g. single-parenting, even abortion...but not being able to have children is the one thing everyone seems to suffer in private. It sounds a bit trivial, but I always thought it was great the Friends made this such a prominent storyline with Chandler and Monica, b/c I think it bringing it into the mainstream can help with the intense loneliness women feel.
We are really thinking that we won't be married for too long before we start trying for a baby. I would say 6 months after the wedding most likely. We had a really long engagement for a lot of reasons but one of my stipulations to a long engagement was not a long wait for babies. We both want to be young parents (he'll be 27 and i'll be 26 when we get married) so hopefully within a year after the wedding we'll be pregnant ... yaay!!!!!! :)!!!
I want to start soon after the wedding! I'm almost positive he wants to wait. I'm 32 and he is 30. I am very nervous about waiting and then having trouble. So many women in my family waited to mary until mid 30's and are now having a lot of reproductive issues.
I think if the economy was better, we would feel better about starting right away.
Side note- I have 3 weddings after ours, so I may want to wait just so that I can toast them with something other then sparkling cider :)
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I'm one of the younger brides, and I am definitely NOT thinking about getting pregnant during our engagement. I'm looking forward to at least 5 years of married life (especially after having been so many miles apart for so long) before we have kids. Mostly, all I've been thinking about is the safest way to prevent pregnancy!
I also a "young" bride, I guess-haha. I am 24 and my fiance is 2 yrs older than me and has been incredibly established in his career for sometime. We both want kids (3-4) and my dream has always been to be able to stay home with them for the first couple of years until they are in school. I recently graduated with 2 degrees and have worked since high school all the way throughout college. I love working, but if at all possible, my true desire is to stay home with my kiddos. However, I get a lot of complaints about it from friends.."why waste TWO degrees..hire a nanny!" So we shall see..at this moment in time we have decided to possibly wait a year which isn't too bad! =)
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has fertility problems (diagnosed with PCOS at 20 and due to surgeries, will have major problems conceiving). I'm 28 and had planned to wait until my mid-30s to have a baby. I also wanted 4 to 6 children.My FI is 38 and doesn't want to be to old when he has kids. He's very active and wants to play sports with his kids. So we will begin trying as soon as possible after the wedding. We had tried 1 year ago for about 9 months and were unsuccessful.
If it doesn't work out, he already has two wonderful boys and there is always adoption or foster care.
I'm definitely not thinking about it yet, as I'm only 22, but I understand everyone's health concerns related to pregnancy. I have a lengthy medical history and was told from as young as the age of 15 that it might affect my ability to carry a child one day. And while I love the idea of us creating a life together, I have to admit that pregnancy and childbirth are not things that have ever appealed to me. Everyone says "you'll change your mind," but if I don't, I will gladly adopt. I look forward to being a mom and seeing my FI be a dad.
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Alas, I will also need some reproductive help as I had my Tubes tied after my son was born 14 years ago. And my clock is ticking too, I will turn 36 in July and start seeing my fertility specialist the next month. We are hoping to be pregnant with IVF by October our 6mo wedding anniversary. He is 43y/o and also ticking...lol.
Quickly Mrs. Bee, get the MaternityBee rolling! Would be lovely to blog a pregnancy with the rest of the Bees.
I had no idea there were so many of us! T marie- did you discuss a reversal with your reproductive specialists? Just another idea to add to your toolkit.
My FI and I have been together for over 7 years. Yet I'm only 22 (23 this year) and he is 24. I want to be a young mom, I always have. My mom was a young mom of 4, my sister & sister in laws are young and have had their firsts, some of my friends have young ones. I guess I just see it around me and I always think about how I'd love to have one of my own one day with my husband. So in other words, I do think about it often. FI and I talked about it the other night and made a plan of starting to try one year after we are married. We already have the house, FI has a good job, but I'd like to find my career first, and we'd like to save more money. It's always on my mind, but I'm trying to be patient so we are fully prepared and ready to bring a baby in the world :)
On another note- My sister who is 27 has been trying with her husband for 4 years. She has had much trouble getting pregnant and then holding the babies, resulting in multiple miscarriages. She has been on meds, she has been injecting herself with shots 2-3 times a day for over 6 months, and has been to hundreds of doctors appts. It has been such a trying time for her. She will finally be having invitro (sp?) within the next week or so. This will be her first try of three. We are hoping and praying it works. So my heart goes out to those of you with complications because I know how hard it is/will be.
Doctorgirl, for me I think IVF is the way to go because of our age and I want 2. I'm gonna do the celeb thing and have twins and be done with it. My teens are 23months apart and it wasn't too bad, they entertained each other and are still pretty close. But mostly because pregnancy was horrible both times before and I'm not looking forward to that part, so why not 2 for the price of one since we have to "work at it"?
Mr. D and I have talked about starting our family pretty soon after we get married (start trying 6-12 months after our wedding). Most of the big life stuff will happen before we get married (i.e. buy a house and change jobs), so we will definitely be ready to settle down. I'm planning on getting off birth control right after we get married just to give my body a few months to adjust before we try to get pregnant.
We are hoping to wait 3-4 years, because we are young(ish) and we had already decided that the best time for us would be 26 or 27. That gives us a few years to enjoy living in the same state again, and for him to come back from his deployment. Because the last thing I want is to have our first child with him overseas.
But I understand all the problems people can have with concieving, even people who have never really had any major health concerns, so I'm visting my doctor next month just to make sure everything is in order.
Good luck ladies!!
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I will be 22 and my FI will be 24 when we get married this October. We both have talked about having kids and def. want to have atleast 2. I actually bet $100 that i will get preggo with twins my first time. I'm more than itching to become a mommy but I also am aware that with times the way they are now, starting a family will have to be on hold. We both want to travel a bit right after the wedding and hopefully own a house before having our lil peanut.
I lost my job 2 weeks ago.. which was devasting and a shock. (Gotta love the economy right now).
Having said that... good luck to everyone that wants to start their lil' families. Remember to post pictures =)
I'm SO ready. DH is, too. We're waiting until August to start trying b/c my sister is getting married in November. So at most I'd be 3 months pregnant at the wedding. I'd love to start now ... but, eh. As it is, she's already indicated that she wants me to wait until after the wedding to get pregnant. I figure I'll just wait until after to tell her. :)
A friend of mine was somewhat older and getting married, and another friend told her not to wait long to start trying, in case she had any trouble conceiving. So the other friend went off BC about a month before the wedding ... and got pregnant right away. She said she spent most of her honeymoon sleeping and barfing. :)
We want to enjoy our time together being married and have some alone time for about a year or two until thinking about getting knocked up.
We're fairly young and while we're currently financially stable, we're looking for more than just that when we have kids. We want to buy a nice house, and be absolutely settled in both marriage and life. After getting to travel, spend a good 5 years together, and firmly entrench ourselves in our careers, then we'll get pregnant. He's already picked out baby names so I know he's interested, but I think we'll both only be ready after we have *our* time together.
@readytobemrsd- just keep in mind that you really can be fertile the first cycle after getting off birth control (lest you think you might be protected for a couple of months). I've had at least 1 friend get pregnant in the first cycle off. I even know people who got pregnant on less than perfect birth control usage.
@mrstye- That so does not sound fun! For a variety of reasons, before the wedding was not an option for us!
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Yes, omg! I have really bad endometriosis and i've already had a few surgeries. my doctors told me "have babies asap or wait and get cancer" so we're thinking that since we don't get to live together until 6 months after the wedding, about 6 months after THAT we'll start trying. It happens! We already have a house, though, and our student loans are taken care of (thank you US Army), so we're ok I guess. The recession is not necessarily the best time, so that just means Target instead of Pottery Barn. We'll make it work! It feels quick to me since we have lived apart since August 06 and will continue to til about Dec 09. Life throws you curveballs.
We're planning to wait 3-4 years after getting married (we'll be 25 & 26 when we wed) so we'll still be relatively young parents, but we want to have a few years to travel and enjoy just being married and being a family of two before we expand. Of course, you never know how things are going to go, but we're hopeful!
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I suppose I may be one of the "older" brides at 28, but neither FI or I are in any hurry to have children. We would like to be married 5 years before having children. I really want to build our marriage before having children, and I'd like to travel and grow my career a little more first. However, I'll happily buy all of you baby clothes:) The tiny socks are my favorite!
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@Doctorgirl, my obgyn told me that you are MOST fertile one month after going off the BC. And i've been on a variety of meds like lupron and depo and other fun menopausal treatments a 22 year old should never have to go through! People should definitely know that though! There is no "safe" time period while your body readjusts! At least you are almost done with residency! my coworker's wife is a pediatrician and she claims it turns into CAKE afterwards.
As much as I'd love to be thinking about pregnancy now (my biological clock went off a couple of years ago), it's definitely not time. My parents would have a heart attack if we got pregnant before the wedding (not to mention the church probably wouldn't let us have the wedding there anymore). We were originally going to start trying after a year or so, but the FH just got a job that will have us moving all over the place every year or two. So we're waiting until we can settle back down in our hometown. I don't want to drag kids all over the country, and I really want to wait until we're back near our parents before having any kids. I was incredibly close to my grandmother and want to give our kids the same experience.
That being said, I'm jealous of all you who are ready to start right away. We'd love to be able to!
@ejs- I finished residency 2 years ago. I'm about to finish fellowship. Woo hoo!
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