Post # 1
The title of this post was hard to write. I didn’t necessarily mean that you wanted to be pregnant during engagement, but I meant you were thinking about it already.
My friends and I generally deferred marriage until after career was established. As such, many of my friends actually got pregnant before they were married (by like a month or two).
I think there are pros and cons to that approach, but we are definitely not going that route.
However, we are planning on starting a family pretty soon after the wedding (if things work out). Is there anyone else in the same boat? Are you doing anything now to prepare for that future. Anyone else worried that it might be too stressful to have a wedding and get pregnant is quick succession?
It’s been on my mind because I’ve been doing routine health maintenence lately, and both of my providers were encouraging us to start trying now (not going to happen!).
Post # 3
I’ve been thinking about lately and I would mind getting pregnant a couple of months before the wedding. My doctors also ask me about getting pregnant and they keep saying that this is the best time. I think we are going to wait another year because I want to be financially stable but if it happens, it happens.
Post # 4
I have the baby twinge for sure! Every time I see a pregnant woman or baby I get all these warm fuzzy feelings… My career is established (or was before all this crap with LAUSD) and my FI is on the right track (one promotion away from being one of the top positions in his company), but I still think it would be a good idea to give our marriage a year before having kids. Not sure if that will happen, but it is the goal…
Post # 5
Oh heck yes!!! We have been together for seven yrs. And he was ready to have a baby- five yrs ago. (I know shocking… how can a man be ready to be a father but not be ready to be a husband?- Don’t get me started).
But we are going to be getting married in June, and hopefully get pregnant in Dec. I think it’s definitely time. =o) And we have been talking about starting a family during the whole wedding process. Which has been a joy. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling that the two of us are more than just the two of us.
I have one friend though who is feeling the baby bug. she dated her man for two yrs, then got married- and she is ready, but he isn’t! And he says he ‘doesn’t know when [he] will be’. and they are in their thirties. She feels like they don’t have the luxury of just ‘playing it by ear’ or delaying it longer than necessary.
This is one of those must have conversations to make sure you both are on the same page… in terms of timing.
Post # 6
We’re thinking the same thing. Although we’re young, I have a variety of health issues which may make it difficult to conceive, and I’m worried that the longer we wait the harder it will be. I told my doctor that I was getting married in April and wanted to get pregnant after that. All she said was "call me for pre-natal vitamins when you’re ready"
I’m not worried that it will be stressful to do after the wedding, I’m more worried that people will think it’s too soon, we should wait, etc. We aren’t what most people would consider financially established, but….we will see.
Post # 7
What an interesting topic! And I’m sure there will be so many different opinions.
I’m not sure where we stand on children. We have talked about it, and generally decided that we would try eventually but haven’t decided on when. He wants to have a child before 28 (he thinks his dad was too old and cranky when he hit his teens – I told him all dads are cranky)
The thing I’ve been told is that you want to start trying sooner than when you actually want to concieve. There is never any guarentee on how … uh fertile I guess … you and your SO are and it could take you awhile.
I would think getting pregnant right after the wedding would be more thrilling (if you’re trying) then stressful but I could definetly see it being both.
Post # 8
We are getting married in September and we want to start trying right away. I wouldn’t mind starting a month or two before the wedding but I think my FI wants us to be officially married before we start the baby making process.
Post # 9
Yup, I plan on going off of my BCP at the end of April and our wedding is in May. We are both ready for a family and we’ve both obtained all our degrees and have a few years experience in our field. I will be 30 when we get married, and I want to have a few children, so I don’t want to wait and risk complications that can occur as you get older.
Post # 10
We’ve talked about it a little…we both know we want kids, and I’m not that young. Also, both of our sisters had horrible, prolonged ordeals getting and staying pregnant, so we’re somewhat prepared for that. Without being TMI, I already know I have some concerns that will most likely push any pregnancy into a higher risk category, so this is all an overt concern for us. As soon as we got serious I felt that I had to tell him there was a chance I couldn’t carry a pregnancy at all, b/c kids are really important to both of us and I wanted to know he’d be comfortable with pursuing other options in that case. I will be on the other side of the country for our first year of marriage (I know, I’m sure many people disagree with that but it works for us). But part of the reason for choosing to pursue this opportunity now is so that we can start thinking about a family soon after. We’ve talked about his taking a year’s sabbatical (though his company no longer offers that explicitly) when we have a baby, and it would be great for him to get another promotion to a bit more of a comfortable (and more easily transferrable to other companies) position before that. For myself I know I’m always going to have a career I forge for myself, so I’ll just have to figure out how to make it all work (luckily I’m pretty sure I don’t want to go the academia/tenure route). My current workplace is extremely family-friendly…so it’s a reason to consider returning to the same job after my year away.
Post # 11
It’s really important to me to wait a couple years before introducing a baby into the mix. I want to have time to just be married first. I think it can really make a difference. That’s not to say my clock’s not ticking though! My logic is just currently stronger.
Post # 12
How ironic that you posted this today. FI and I had a loooooong conversation about this last night. I was ready to have a baby a couple of years ago, but over the past year or so the desire has gone away (I’m almost 32). We have a lot going on right now and in the next year (moving, new jobs, selling & buying homes, the wedding, etc.) and the thought of adding a baby to the mix overwhelms me.
I am fearful that I won’t have the desire to have a baby again and my FI desperately wants a family. But, he travels so much for work that I almost feel like I’d end up being a part-time single mom (he has no choice in the matter and signed a contract). It may be totally irrational, but the thought of working full-time and being the exclusive caregiver for half of every month scares the heck out of me.
However, like RIbride I don’t want to wait too long and risk the health of the baby. Has anyone else gone from wanting a baby to being completely terrified of having one, and not being able to figure out how a baby will fit in to your life?
Post # 13
We are big on this. We actually were talking about this and if we were able to have children the "normal" way we would start as soon as the wedding was over.
But since we can’t we are sort of already planning. I had a hysterectomy and I am unable to have children. We are going to have an egg donor and surrogant mother. So we are planning and saving now.
But I will admit it is hard. In fact Mr. FF wants to start getting things now. We were in walmart and he saw the cutest dress and wanted to buy in so we would have it. So cute.
So I know a little off subject but yes we are planning to have them ASAP!
Post # 14
Oh, I’m so glad I posted this… I was nervous to do it, but fiance have been discussing this stuff a lot lately because of my recent visits with my providers. I’m 37, so if we delay or have any problems, we’re definitely going the adoption route. (And in fact, we’re only planning on one biological child… any others will be adopted).
When I first met fiance, he said he didn’t want kids until he was over 30. Well, he’ll be 27 when we get married, and we mutually decided that’s close enough 😉
We know we may have some problems in the reproductive realm, and I think that’s why my providers would prefer sooner rather than later…
We are also fully prepared for a long haul or to be ready for an alternative route… If we’re going to adopt, we’ll probably wait until I have a full-time academic position (1 year or so).
Doesn’t it just make you love your SO all the more when they go all mushy over babies? It’s really so sweet!
Post # 15
FI and I have been together for 7 years and we’re getting married this May. I’m 4 years older than FI, so it’s probably best that we get this done quickly; however, with starting our lives together, merging our finances, and FI wanting to purchase a house within this year, I think we’re putting too much on our plate. FI feels very strongly that we should start on our honeymoon! Yikes.
Post # 16
My FI and I had differing views on when we wanted kids. We both definitely wanted a family, but as he is about 2 years older than me, he feels more of a drive(ironic, huh?) to have the little pitter patter of feet.
As a resident(which I know you can relate, doctorgirl), I just felt like I didn’t have the financial stability or time to devote to a child right now. On top of that, my FI is transitioning into a small business and is basically constantly in debt. We’re having a hard enough time getting the wedding paid for. We had to really sit down and discuss the issue, since he is the less "grounded" of the two of us.
We decided that I had valid reasons for not wanting to get pregnant right away, but I also understand the pressure from providers, and obviously know the risks involved in waiting into your 30’s. Still, I would rather take the risk than regret giving my children the kind of childhood I would like to give them!