Anyone who's forgiven a cheater?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you forgive a cheater?
    I have been cheated on one time, and forgave the person, glad I did : (35 votes)
    17 %
    I have been cheated on one time, forgave the person, and wish I didn't : (21 votes)
    10 %
    I have been cheated on more than once, forgave the person, glad I did : (5 votes)
    2 %
    I have been cheated on many times, forgave the person, wish I didn't : (11 votes)
    5 %
    I have been cheated on once, didn't forgive, glad I didn't : (37 votes)
    18 %
    I have been cheated on once, didn't forgive, wish I had : (0 votes)
    I have been cheated on more than once, forgave the person, whish I didn't : (10 votes)
    5 %
    Was cheated on many times, didn't forgive, wish I had : (0 votes)
    I haven't been cheaten on, don't think I could forgive it : (60 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would be more concerned with his statement about not being sure whether he would care or not about hurting you. And that he thinks you love him more than he loves you. That is concerning.

     Imo, you have the right to go through his stuff right now. But  if you cant get passed that in the forseeable future, leave.

    Whether or not it’s right, I think sometimes people dont admit to cheating because all that does is cause pain to the other person and clears a guilty conscience, so I’m not sure if the fact that he didnt tell you for so long should be such a big focus. Of course there are others who are just cowards or dont care enough about you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4223 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You already know you need to put this guy behind you. No amount of reassurance from the internet is going to make him treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I have been cheated on and I think it isn’t that hard to forgive, but it is impossible to forget.  You can forgive him for what he did and the things he said, but you will never forget them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    @aamyfisher:  +1

    I do think that if you guys work at it, you’ll come out even stronger than before, however, it doesn’t go away… Just gets easier to handle.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9253 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @newwebb:  Based on your other post I’m not exactly certain what you’re so upset about, other than the fact he hid making out with the girl from you.  You two had agreed to experiment with an open relationship, you hooked up (albeit orally) with another guy.  This is what happens.  I’m sure your boyfriend feels the same way you do with regard to the trust issue.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9253 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    double post

    Post # 10
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @newwebb:  Having an open relationship can really test the bond between a couple.  If you are already having trust issues with one another, having an open relationship will destroy what little trust you have left if you can’t find a way to communicate with each other.  I personally think this whole thing is just bad news, but you know your situation better than anyone here, so only you can decide what is best for you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1787 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I second the message from @housebee:.  I don’t think any relationship can truly make it (happily) without trust.  You said you don’t trust him, and it may take a long time, if ever, to get that back.  Until then, I don’t see how you can have a healthy relationship.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9253 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @newwebb:  I’m trying to be realistic.  It’s not surprising that he’d have doubts.  It’s also not surprising that he’s not exactly connecting the dots in his own mind about why he’s having the feelings he’s having towards you.  This isn’t your fault – both of you made this decision; he went along with it.  Now he’s having some emotional repercussions.  However, it does seem as though he’d “cheated” by making out with a girl long before you had the agreement to experiment with being open.

    It could be this relationship has run its course.  Or it could be that you tried and failed at having an intimate relationship into which you invited outsiders.  It works for some couples, obviously, but not for others.

    What he said to you makes perfect sense to me in light of all the circumstances.  Can you see that?  It’s fairly clear and simple from an outside perspective.

    If you can’t let go of what he did and said then move on.  If you can chalk it up to this is all the fallout from your previous actions – forgive the guy and try to start over with a clean slate with him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If he told you he wasn’t sure he was in love with you, you should take his word.

    “I don’t know if I love you as much as you love me”

    “I don’t know if I would care if I hurt you”

     
    He told you how he felt, listen to him.

    I would end this relationship.  Do you want to stay with someone who feels like this about you?

    Post # 16
    Member
    9253 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Lightbulb moment:  Maybe he made up  the “making out with the other girl” story to get back at you for having oral sex with another guy.  It’s a possibility. 

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