Post # 1
My wedding planning has not been the least bit tumultuous. I have endured moments that were annoying at most, however yesterday I began having thoughts. So far, with the money we have spent we could have run off to some unknown location with our marriage license in hand and had a fun, romantic time. In your planning, have you had doubts about going through with the big she-bang instead of something quiet and intimate?
Post # 3
Yes, multiple times. For us it was a wedding or a honeymoon, not both, and I wish we would have done what you described. As it gets closer, I just get more stressed out and realize that it’s more a spectacle than anything. Pew bows, ring styles, dresses, flowers — NONE OF IT MATTERS. There, I said it. It’s been foisted upon us by marketers who want us to buy it, and it’s made us all feel like we “need” these wedding accoutrements to make it “special.” Blech. It’s not even fun anymore, so what’s the point? I could get just as married in private and probably enjoy it more. Too late now, but I hope someone, sometime, somewhere who is still early in her planning and unsure of how to proceed stumbles on this thread and it will free her enough to run away with her groom!
Post # 4
@Amaryllis: Thank you for saying it! Why do we need all this crap!! We have DIY projects coming out the ying yang and we have saved an incredible amount of money. But still! What in the heck am I going to do with all this stuff? Do we really need centerpieces and cake stands? It is totally about the spectacle, which weirds me out. I know that our family and friends want to be there to share our special moment, but it’s not necessary or required. It saddens me there are a lot of people going into debt to create the image that has be thrown at them their whole lives. It is a day, just one day. In order to go on our delayed honeymoon, we cut our guest list into half, made sacrifices in every way possible. We’re not getting the wedding we wanted anyway, so what is the point? Thank you for being brave and sharing!!
Post # 5
I sometimes joke about when I get really stressed but I could never actually go through with it
Post # 6
I’m having this wedding for my mom (only daughter) and it has been such a painful experience. I hate it! I can’t wait for the day after the wedding.
Post # 7
I’ve had these thoughts too. If I had to start again I would just go somewhere tropical. Way easier!!
I’ve actually stopped totally caring about lots of things. Yes I want a cake but I don’t care what it looks like. Flowers, ya someone pick them out for me. It goes on and on.
Post # 8
If you would have asked me in the months before the wedding I would’ve said yes. But now that it’s done, I’m glad we did it 🙂
Post # 9
I’m still engaged, the wedding is over a year away, and already I suggest eloping on a weekly basis!! and we’re going for a ‘small’ wedding! it’s a nightmare. everyone has an opinion, people try to helpfully suggest things that are NOT helpful (i.e., why don’t you invite this person, why don’t you do this, etc.) and instead of it being all about you as a couple who love each other it turns into something else. But what is scary for me is I didn’t realise my Fiance wants the whole traditional thing and i really don’t want to blindly follow what everyone else does and it feels like a runaway horse. and we have a small budget and 30 guests and yet it’s a total pain. If he was up for eloping, i’d do it this weekend.
oh yeah, we are going somewhere tropical and it totally doesn’t make it easier, i thought it would as well, but it doesn’t…. just other stuff to worry about instead
and Hello Bees – this is my first post! have been on this website for months! finally took the plunge
Post # 10
I thought it many times!!!!!!!!!! Nearing the end of my planning I found my happy median….
I cut NUMEROUS things out/off my “must have” list and did what I could…..
ie We were gonna rent a “just married” car.. 67 VW VAn! Went perfect with our theme… in the end though we didn’t need it so I scrapped it!
Other things that were on my DIY “must to do list”… SCRAPPED!!!! Our guests were JUST fine without pew pomad… whatever they’re called, and other things that really only I would’ve noticed!
I AM SO GLAD we still had our wedding b/c the day was WONDERFUL!… once I got back to the “marrying the awesome man God had for me” lol
Post # 11
Yes. I really regret not eloping. This wedding is turning into something that I really didn’t want. While eloping isn’t want I wanted, neither is this wedding. At least I wouldn’t have the stress of planning all this though. 🙁
Post # 12
@inamani: wow, I’m really sorry to hear your mom is so controlling. That is just terrible. Have you told her how unhappy you are?
@LongDistancePlanning: I considered just getting married on the cruise ship next January, it would be less expensive and we would already be on our honeymoon! It sounds so relaxing!
@CorgiTales: I’m glad you were happy with your decision. It’s always nice to hear someone’s prospective who’s been through the trenches already.
@londongal: Congrats on your first post! 🙂
@amnystik: We are in the same boat now. We’re cutting things left and right. They were still in the budget and we could have afforded them, but why spend money we don’t HAVE to spend? Good luck.
Post # 13
Good.. get back to the basics… and luck I no longer need… lol tied the knot the 9th.. everything went GREAT and I promise there are TONS of things you’ll never notice b/c you’ll be too enthralled in being MARRIED!!!!!! hehe
Post # 14
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: YES YES YES. We were originally going to elope (we have had a very long engagement) then decided to have a ‘real’ wedding. I am regretting it now. Had some family issues a few months ago which have made me feel estranged. Had a really bad falling out with my Maid/Matron of Honor. I am getting little help in planning the wedding. I always thought this would be a very fun time in my life, but boy was I wrong. It is just a LOT of stress and money.
I just hope it’s all worth it on the big day.
If we weren’t knee deep in non-refundable deposits, I would cancel and elope. A trip to the courthouse and then a badass vacation somewhere halfway around the world.
Post # 15
I never really thought about eloping (would need to have my parents, brother, sister, and best friend there), but I have thought about having a super tiny wedding. I’m talking ten people on a beach.
However, even though I’m currently super stressed about planning, I’m still glad we’re doing this. I am unbelievably excited about dancing the night away with my new husband and all the people I care about – friends, family, friends who are practically family, etc. And I think it’s a little judgmental to say that all of it is crap and doesn’t matter – Fiance and I have had every single meaningful part of our relationship in private (deciding to date, having sex, living together, deciding to be together forever) and I’m really excited about getting to share my love and joy with everyone else. And while pew pomanders probably don’t matter (I’m not having them, because they’re not a priority), I think for some people it does matter that they’re building a magical day that’s totally reflective of the people involved.
Everyone should get to have the wedding they want, but I think it’s unfair to let bitterness over your own wedding cause you to condemn other people’s.
Post # 16
@Miss OBG: I didn’t condemn anyone. I didn’t say anything to anyone personally. There are several posts above of people who wished they had eloped but have chosen to go along with their wedding plans. There is nothing wrong with having a big wedding, and nothing wrong with running off and eloping either. For the record, we are still having our “wedding”. This topic was supposed to be a place to blow off steam for girls who are a little stressed and wanted to commiserate with each other. There was no nastiness, or hostility, that is until you showed up. There are a thousand topics on this site that I don’t like or agree with and I avoid them. You can only be offended by something if you allow yourself to be. I did not PM you and tell you that having your large wedding is a bad idea and that all your things are crap and don’t matter. It was meant as a generalisitc statement and not directed towards you, or any bee for that matter. So sorry for being so “judgemental” and “bitter” but it seems that out of 10 posters, you’re the only one that feels that way. Thanks and have a wonderful wedding in all sincerity.