Post # 1
Long story short, my DH and I are TTC next month (August). Now that it’s getting more real, he’s scared out of his mind about raising a child in the future. Bringing it up with good morals, and beliefs. Saying please and thank you, teaching learning, nurturing and just being a “good parent”.
I tell him how he’s going to be a great dad, because I believe it, but he’s really frightened of being a dad one day. I try and get him focusing on the TTC process since it might not happen right away, and even if it does we have 9 months to get ready and then as an infant they aren’t ready for manners yet anyway! I tell him that we’re a team, and we will be raising this future baby together and we’re going to be awesome. I know that men aren’t ever ready until they are actually handed the child in the delivery room ( at least someone said that once), but it’d be nice to be able to talk about babies without him freaking out!
I’m equally as scared, but he’s like a deer in headlights about it! Any advice? Do I let him be? Anything good to say to him? Any other Bees had DHs like this and maybe want to share?
Post # 2
My DH is the same way, and we are TTC this month. Following to see if anyone has any good advice.
Post # 3
I’m more scared than my husband to raise kids too. We also do not have kids yet…working on it ;), but imo, if you both are good people and know manners then along the way you will teach your children that. Remember you are parents first, not friends (at least until they are adults).
Post # 4
FreckledFox: My husband and I are the opposite, he’s enthusiastic, calm, and ready to raise our kids while I’m the total basket case lol. Things that he’s done to help me adjust include: getting the babies’ room ready, reading informative articles with me, encouraging me to speak with other moms/parents, and making me realize that I don’t need to know everything about parenting all at once. He’s scheduled several classes, a maternity tour and has been to all of my appointments with me. I think just knowing that I have a partner that’s supportive and willing to be there for me has helped a lot.
Post # 5
My husband is in for the shock of his life. He thinks that because he was a “good kid” our boy is going to be a little angel. I kind of wish he’d think about the actual challenges of raising a kid, though he’ll find out in about 43 days, but who’s counting?
Post # 6
housebee: Your husband sounds like the greatest man in the world. Props to good dads who are going to raise awesome kids!
Post # 7
FreckledFox: DH and I are both nervous, but I think your DH’s reaction just shows how much he cares about being a good dad – once the baby comes, I think he’ll adapt (and be too busy to worry about everything).
Post # 8
FreckledFox: I’m the one who’s scared to the point of hyperventilating at the idea of TTC and being responsible for raising a human being… my fiance is a kid person and is totally calm. I’ve never spent much time around kids or babies and am not really comfortable around them – I worry that I will be an awkward, distant, unhappy parent. 🙁
Just continue to reassure your husband that you will work through any challenges together, and help each other through any rough spots. Knowing how good my fiance is with kids helps my terror a little.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
FreckledFox: My DH is way more ready for kids than I am- I’m more like your DH; petrified of messing it up. I know it helps me feel more prepared when I do research on parenting (reading books, articles). Maybe if you buy him a few parenting books to peruse, he’ll feel more prepared when the time comes.
Post # 10
My husband is terrified too. He knows we’re on track to TTC in October of this year, but I think part of him is still in denial. He didn’t have the most stable family life growing up, and he feels he doesn’t have a good role model for how to be a good dad. I’ve tried to tell him that as long as he stays involved, that’s the biggest thing, and the rest will come. I do think that seeing his friends become dads has helped him some, but it’s hard to tell. He will talk more seriously about it when we’re around other people, but when we’re alone he goes back to joking about just getting another dog.
He’s also afraid of the monster I will become once I’m getting zero sleep, and knowing me, he does have a valid point there.
Post # 11
Ladies who have commented sying they are the scared ones, if you DH presented you with a parenting book, would you be interested? Or more scared or offended? The book idea isn’t a bad one.. but I’m also thinking I should wait until after we conceieve?
cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Holy crap! 43 days!
housebee: Wow, your husband sounds amazing! I wonder how my DH would react if I did any of those things. Maybe after conception it’d be a good idea!
LadyBear: Thanks! I think he’ll be a wonderful dad. He’s very fun and silly and a kid at heart. More so than I am sometimes! I try and think of this as a hidden positive!
Post # 12
Floofy: I’m definitely lucky to have such an awesome guy 🙂
FreckledFox: I am so grateful he has done/is doing all these things. When I first got pregnant, I spent every other night crying about how I didn’t think I’d be able to manage (it was not pretty lol), but knowing I wasn’t going at it alone made things so much more bearable. Plus, I think enthusiasm rubs off, so if you have a positive upbeat attitude I’m sure your husband will start feeling the same way soon.
Post # 13
My DH has always been the more level headed one and is actually very chill about being a parent. I’ m the one who’s terrified of “messing up” our DD and any future kids!
Post # 14
FreckledFox: My husband is so afraid he refuses to have them. We’re working on it. 🙂
Post # 15
It sounds like he really cares about being a good dad! Do you guys have any friends with kids or babies? I feel like my DH relaxed more after spending time with friends who’ve had babies in the last year or so. Other than that…. it might just take having a baby for him to relax, you know?