Post # 1
We are in the early stages of planning. I was chatting with my mom today when she asked how wedding planning was going. I mentioned casually that it would most likely take place in DC and not the NY area (where FI and I are from and a lot of family members still live). She sounded disappointed.
It never crossed my mind that people would expect a wedding in NY. We met and live in DC. We haven’t completely ruled out having the wedding back home but it’s not like it would be a less expensive option for us. Both metro areas are expensive. Other than saving money, I don’t see a reason to move the wedding to our hometown area. I also am not too thrilled about planning long distance.
Anyone else deal with this?
Post # 3
My parents were disappointed that I did not get married in my hometown as opposed to my groom’s hometown. But the type of venue I was going for was available in my husband’s hometown, and a friend of his family offered to us on the SUPER CHEAP, so it was hard to say no! Plus I went to university in FI hometown, and it is where we met. So it had sentimental value to me that way too.
Don’t worry, someone is always going to inevitably be upset with some aspect of you wedding decision making. Just do what is best for you and your fiance!
Post # 4
My FI’s parents are not happy with the fact that we will likely be getting married in my hometown instead of NYC. We live in Brooklyn but it is soooo much cheaper to get married in Ohio. And even if we did get married in NY, my family wouldnt be happy so someone will be upset either way. Do what works for you
Post # 5
We live in FI’s hometown (Boston) but are getting married in mine (a suburb of Philly). I wouldn’t say his family is unhappy about it, but the travel will definitely be a hassle and an expense for them, and I imagine it will prevent some members of the extended family from coming.
But my parents are paying for the largest share of things, and we just could not afford anything in Boston. My mom also wanted to be heavily involved in the planning — she helped us out so much with venue searching and whatnot — and she could not have done that if we’d had the wedding here.
Post # 6
Yep. My dad still makes comments. He is not happy that we are going with FH’s home state and not mine…
Post # 7
Welcome to the world of disappointing other people. If I can give you any advice – it’s do what makes the most sense to you and your FI. EVERYONE will have opinions of what you should do and when you do something other than what they either assumed/hoped/dreamed/envisioned you would do – disappointment will ensue.
Be considerate and respectful; hear people out; consider their thoughts/ideas… then make your decision.
If you choose to have the wedding in DC – it will be fine. People will travel, people will make arrangements and plans. I’m sure your mom always thought her little girl would get married at home – hence, the disappointment. If you choose to have it in another location, she will get used to that idea – just give her a little time.
Post # 8
Problem 1: We’re getting married in NC (my hometown), which apparantly means that most of FI’s family (from PA, NJ, NY, etc) won’t be in attendance. This has been expressed in far too many (cruel) ways and has caused my FI to feel pretty rejected by his family..
Problem 2: It’s outside, and in August…well, I am sooooo sorry, that I always wanted a beach wedding. FI and I decided a nice compromise was to get married over looking the water instead of on the beach, but that choice wasn’t good enough.
Problem 3: The reception and wedding location are 20 minutes apart. Didn’t realize it was such a big deal.
Post # 9
This definitely happened to us. The truth is that FI’s family and my family live about 500 miles apart, so we knew that if we chose either hometown, one group would be disappointed. In an attempt to be fair, we chose a site halfway between the two cities…which seemed to just stir the pot! However, the longer we have been engaged, the more people have come around. The people who complained loudest at the outset are now saying “Oh we are so excited to come to the wedding!” Just choose what is best for you — then try to give everyone advance notice of which city you choose. Hopefully they will come around!
Post # 10
Thanks, bees! You are always so encouraging. At least in our case BOTH families have to travel with the exception of about 5-6 of FI’s family members that live in DC. So there shouldn’t be any complaints about one side having it easier than the other. Let the games begin!
Post # 11
We had a lot of people complain that they had to drive 45 minutes to our location… the HORROR of us asking them to “cross state lines” oh my god. Sorry, we wanted oceanfront, and there’s no ocean within 45 minutes even in our state!!
Post # 12
Yep my mom wanted me to get married back home too so my family wouldn’t have to travel (my fi’s would either way). I didn’t want to plan long-distance so we’re getting married where we live. She got over it (mostly lol)
Post # 13
My mom wanted us to get married in my hometown, my partner’s mom wanted us to get married out west (where she & her family are from) and we’re actually getting married in my partner’s hometown (it’s where we met, has a lot of history for us).
People are always going to complain, I try my best to just ignore it.
Post # 14
Our families were a little annoyed… both of us are from the NY area (about 30-40 minute drive apart) and our friends and family are spread out, but both sets of parents live there. We decided to get married in California near where we live, for various reasons. People are annoyed, but they’ll deal with it.
The bottom line is in this day and age there are a LOT of couples who are going to have a significant portion of OOT guests no matter where they have their wedding. People are just more spread out nowadays. You have to do what works for you.
And as far as the traditional “bride’s hometown” location, I pointed out to my parents that I can only think of one couple of out of the dozen or so I know who actually had the wedding in the bride’s hometown if it wasn’t where they already lived. Couples nowadays do what’s right for them – your guests aren’t the ones spending months working on planning this. They can either show up and have a great time or not show up and resent it. It’s their choice.
Post # 15
We had a veritable war over the location of our wedding. No one wanted to come to where we live except our friends who live here, my mom was inisting that it HAD to be where I grew up and FI and all of his family wanted it where he grew up. We were looking at venues in all three places with people pulling us every which way. It was a nightmare.
Eventually we decided to go with my hometown because it’s about halfway between FI’s hometown and where we live now, but we’re still getting some flack about the fact that it’s not elsewhere.
Post # 16
Even though FI and I met and now live 20 minutes from his hometown, we are getting married at my parents’ vacation house (which I’ve dreamed of since I was a kid). Obviously my parents were thrilled, but I was worried about FI’s family. They didn’t complain at all, but to make the transition smoother, I invited them up to my parents’ house for the weekend, so we could all do some vendor meetings and they could see everything up close. I think they were really happy to be involved.
@NJmeetsBX: Maybe part of the reason your mom is upset is because she thought you’d be coming home to do wedding planning, and she’d get to be part of it. Do you think it would help if you had her come down to DC a few times during planning to help out with everything? Maybe dress shopping, meeting with the florist, scoping out the venue before you sign the contract? I’m not sure of your situation, but that’s what I would do to try to get her on board and make her feel included.