Post # 1
Ugh, I’m so stressed out because I feel like the only person on the planet who has a fiance who just seems so distanced from wedding planning. Don’t get me wrong, he can’t WAIT to be married..but I feel like sometimes he thinks that I will do all the work while he sits back and waits for the big day. I’ve planned EVERYTHING thus far. I’ve paid deposits on the venue and photographer, bought my dress, picked out bridesmaid dresses, decided on a cake, picked our first dance song, picked our honeymoon location, and paid for all but $75 dollars on decorations so far (over $600!!) Literally, all he’s done is pitch in the $75. I’ve been on his case for WEEKS about where he wants to honeymoon or what songs he wants played and he never gives me an answer to anything. I’ve also been telling him for weeks now that he needs to make an appointment to get fitted for a tux but that still hasn’t happened either because he doesn’t “know what he wants.” He is literally the most indecisive person I’ve ever met and it’s driving me nuts. And it also doesn’t help that he makes twice as much as I do yet I’m the one paying for things. Please tell me there are other soon-to-be brides out there who are struggling with this as well..
Post # 3
@ThinkingOutLoud: its like I wrote this post. I can’t get any input from fi until I make adecision and then he’s like “no” ugh we need to go register and pick a tux and decide on music these are all things I can’t do by myself!!!! So frustrating.
Post # 4
My husband is useless when planning our wedding in June.
It’s easiest to just not ask him. He doesn’t care too much.
Post # 5
Thats sort of us. We have a wedding fund, so he’s pitching in money. But I’m the main one trying to make decisions. The only thing I’ve got him to fully contribute to is the favors. He is trying to make an effort, but I have so much more time than him, its just easier for me to look at stuff. He works 6 days a week, so he just doesnt have much time to sit around and work on it like I do.
Edit: We did have a mini argument about it the other day though. Both of us were just stressed and not communicating well. He was feeling left out and said nothing planned so far (minus the favors) was his idea. I told him that I’ve asked his opinion on everything so far and he always said “yeah, sure” and I’m not a mind reader so I cant tell if he’s being honest or not. So basically came to an agreement, I’ll try to ask his opinion more and he cant say “yeah, sure” if he doesnt like it. And if he does, then he cant get mad at me later for it.
Post # 6
Initially, my fiance’ wanted nothing to do with wedding planning. When I brought it up, he let me know how much he really didn’t care. I fianally had a melt down and let it know that it was stressing me out and hurt my feelings that he didn’t give a crap about it all. He really stepped it up after that. Now he still doesn’t want to know about girly details, but he has been helping me call vendors and giving me his opinion on things.
Post # 7
@ThinkingOutLoud: My husband had little to nothing to do with planning our wedding. I just don’t think that planning a wedding is something guys care about. Honestly, of my friends who recently got married or are engaged, the DH/FI has done nothing. It’s not that they don’t want to get married, it’s just that they honestly don’t care what flowers are in the centerpeices or what dress the BMs wear, or how the napkins will be folded.
From experience, just have him make decisions that he really has to. Make an appointment to go look at tuxes and go together.
Post # 8
Wow I’m really glad I’m actually not as alone as I thought I was. I guess I can just continue to do my own thing but I will definitely start asking for some $$$ lol. I just wish he seemed excited for us.. I know I am. It’s honestly becoming an obsession to look at all things wedding related.
Post # 9
Lol I’n on the other side of he coin! I would love to have a FI that didn’t care about wedding planning! Mine has to be involed in EVERYTHING to the point we have had two huge fights this week about of all things – the bridesmaids shoes! My bridesmaids are also unfortunately involved now as is my mother and seriously its only bloody shoes! (sorry I had to vent)
Post # 10
My husband was in charge of the music playlist and booking the honeymoon. I pretty much made the rest of the decisions and most of the work asking his opinion along the way where needed. Sometimes it was annoying, other times I didn’t care because I think a lot of guys are That way. They really do the whole wedding thing for us a lot of the time.
Post # 11
at first my fi didn’t want to be involved much but would condescend me for making this or that decision. I finally figured out that it just wasnt that important to him and overwhelmed him. we talked and i asked what he could help with. he said he’d help but limited time (10mins or so per conversation) (not all the time) i guess i get excited and ranty-lol anyways, i made a spreadsheet of what we had looked at and what we talked about and also a tab for payments so we knew what was being spent, what the budget was and what we can afford to each pitch in, this has really helped both of us. Just level and ask him for help, he ether can or can’t.. some guys can’t but once you get further along, they might start pitching in more… it’s like having a baby, closer it gets, the more real it gets. do some searches here and you’ll find some other ideas. i found a thread where someone mentioned that they prefaced any wedding talk by saying, ok i have some wedding questions, which kind of put him into a different mode and that worked for us too. hang in there.
Post # 12
Mine hasnt helped. He went with me to a few things bc I told him he had no
choice but that’s it. He is in the military though so he cant do much. It doesnt bother me at all.
Post # 13
my FI is pretty useless. He has things he wants to have a say in but doesn’t care to do all the research about the options – it’s just his personality. I’m pretty much okay with it, too since it’s kept us from having any arguments.
Find a way to work with your fiance – it sounds like you’re not going to be able to give him a list of things to do and say go do it.
What I do is this: For the things I know my FI cares about, I do all the research, then provide him with 2-3 options. He tells me his preference, I tell him mine, most of the time they match. If they don’t we discuss and come to a compromise.
As for the tux – relax he has plenty of time! We picked out tuxes 2 months before our wedding, and he doesn’t have to have his measurements in until 3-4 weeks before the wedding.
I do think you guys should sit down and discuss the financial aspect – are you guys paying for the wedding yourselves? Since you guys tend to look at money as yours vs. his and not “ours” you guys need to talk about a budget and how much each of you will contribute and how the payments will be made. This is where the biggest issue is going to lie, not only now during wedding planning, but in the future, as well.
Post # 14
I am also on the opposite side. My fiance does all the planning. I commend his excellent taste though. Its perfect for me coz’ im the type who is not too fussy about these things and just want to show up on our wedding. LOL!
Post # 15
It’s not really a “guy” thing. My FH tried to give some ideas which included a Grog for our wedding (He is miitary and it is like a big bowl of non-sense alcohol mixed together, very inappropriate for a formal wedding). That obviously got vetoed and is being saved for his bachelor party since it was orginally the best man’s idea.
However, when I brought him with me to the florist to talk about ideas, he sat to the side and looked like a deer in headlights. He tells me later “I had no idea how many types of roses there were.”
But bless his heart he does try and is VERY excited about the food tasting haha.
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I do pretty much everything with the wedding, but that was expected since FI has been deployed the majority of our engagement. He’s home now but work keeps him very busy and when he gets home, he’s beat. He did go and get measured for his tux and make the decisions for what his men are going to wear (but that was after I set the appt for him). He’s also colorblind so he doesn’t really care about the colors (or would be much help, lol). His main concerns were the food and cake tasting, lol! I let him know how frustrating it is to keep things straight in my head with all the wedding stuff and he understands but is also thinking this is more of a “women’s realm” sort of thing. :-p