- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
A little back story: Thanksgiving for my family was at my house. I invited my inlaws to come over for dinner (as I’ve done several times before) but, they refused. My fiancé gets a text from his mother about how upset she is that he’s choosing my family over her/his. So he decides we will go over there for dessert. So I leave my extended family at my home and we head over there. We have dessert and she mentions that she wants to get together for Christmas morning for a program at a local event center (non religious). I say ok but I need to figure out when my family is having dinner ( normally were all day cooking and talking, but trying to compromise). In the end we decide AM is with his family and PM, 2pm is dinner with my family.
Two days before Christmas: I ask my fiancé what are the logistics of Christmas AM. What time is the program? When do they want to be there? Did we want to meet up before hand? Are we having lunch afterwards? He asks his family and gets were meeting at 9-930 at the place. I also ask when are we meeting to open presents because I didn’t want to go to the event, go to my aunts, and then go back out to his parents because I have to work the day after Christmas. The response was I don’t know.
Christmas Eve: Still no explicit plans. I do some research on where we’re going, parking, and what’s open for food. I find out this is an outdoor program and I find out its 30-45 minutes away from my house and about an 1-1:30 from my inlaws. Doing the math to meet up there by 9 am that means we’d have to leave their house by 7:30 and my house is 30 minutes away from his parents. Knowing his family aren’t morning people, I ask my Fiancé do you want to see if your family wants to open presents today after work? They say ok. So Christmas Eve we’re eating McDonald’s (only thing open) and his mom brings up “I wanted to open presents on Christmas morning before we went to the program”. I look at my fiancé giving him the death stare kick under the table and he says “oh you didn’t tell us that”. Then the victim guilt trip continued. So we finish eating and open presents. We talk about tomorrow and they were pretty aloof with their plans still. They had no clue about parking, barely printed off directions, etc. I share the information I have
and then everyone goes to their respective corners of the house and we head home. Total visit: 1 hour.
Christmas Day: Fiancé and I wake up get there before 9 and get a call that they are still on their way and don’t know where to park. So we direct them in, get a cup of coffee/tea and get organized. Fiancé and I are bundled up in our 3-in-1 coats with scarfs and gloves and his family shows up at 945 in jeans and sweatshirts, no scarfs, no hats, no nothing. She wants me and my fiancé to take a picture together, which I refuse because I’m not feeling well (bad cramps from endometriosis) and didn’t want to go to this anyway since I still have to go home and help cook dinner at my aunts. So we go to the OUTDOOR program his mom, who has mobility issues, is uncomfortable traversing the stairs and cold weather. We go through the program she gets very cold and stays she’s ready to go after less than 30 minutes. We go back to the coffee shop get hot cocoa and try to warm up. Sit around for maybe another 30 minutes. Ask if there’s anything else they wanted to do. She does the “no, it’s fine go to your other activity” and then we head to my aunts house.
Later she calls my fiancé to say that it was unreasonable that she was forced to rush Christmas, that she wanted to meet for Christmas morning to open presents before going to the program, that it was unfair that my family gets all the holidays, and that I ruined her Christmas.
I’m flabbergasted. Had I not looked up the information and shared it they might have showed up in shorts. Ok I’m exaggerating but wtf it’s 30 degrees out and winter. What happened to being prepared. Further this wasn’t even my event. This was her party. I didn’t chose this activity.
Trying to see her point of view. I understand that as a couple we need to come to a better agreement for holidays. But they barely do anything for the holidays. They didn’t even put up a tree or decorations this year, and basically after dinner (every time I come over) everyone went (goes) to their rooms. My family is more social, talking, games, watching tv, etc.
I’m at a loss, I don’t feel like I ruined the Christmas vision that was never shared with me but maybe I did. Maybe Santa should have brought me telepathy?
Trying to be productive — How do you ladies split holidays?