Post # 1
I’m having a MoH + 2 Bridesmaids (one of whom is my FI’s cousin). My FI has currently picked a best man and a groomsman. I suggested that he could ask one of my cousins if he wanted to, but that ultimately it was his choice, and we didn’t need to have balanced numbers. He started ordering ties, etc, and just told my mom about it last night. (I’d given her a heads up about the uneven numbers, and she’d casually mentioned my cousin as well).
Anyways, this morning she freaked out at me. Said she “lied about worrying” how horrible my wedding will look. How it will look like the ‘dog’s wedding’. Sure she’s been to unconventional weddings with a “Groomswoman” but at least that was balanced, and mine will be horrible if it isn’t. All my pictures will be ruined ,etc, etc
I do NOT need this kind of drama before 8am on a Saturday morning. Our wedding is SO traditional overall (as she’s encouraged) and it makes me mad that she thinks it is OK to say this to me. She’ll probably ultimately going to get her way here too, b/c my FI will feel bad. But, part of me wants to be like “F you and stay out of this, it doesn’t concern you”!!!!
Post # 3
How ridiculous. Your wedding will be fine!!
Post # 4
Wait do we have the same mom? lol. Okay so my mom wasn’t quite THAT extreme but she is super concerned about us being unbalanced too. Like you I have a MOH and 2 BM and my FI has a best man and groomsman. I told him I absolutely did not want him to feel pressured to pick a 3rd person to even things out, because his attendants are supposed to be about HIM not about the balance of the wedding IMO.
So like a week after I tell my mom this she calls me like “So your father and I were talking and we decided that FI HAS to pick another groomsman. He can have your brother.”
I said “Um… no.”
her: “But the third bridesmaid is going to feel SO awkward without having someone to be paired up with, and your pictures are all going to look really awkward and off!!”
me: “Mom. Number one, I’ve talked to the third bridesmaid and she is thrilled that she isn’t going to have some awkward pairing up with someone she doesn’t know. We aren’t having wedding party dances, and when everyone recesses up the aisle we’ll have both bridesmaids on either side of the second groomsman– it’ll be his lucky day.”
her: “I don’t know… I just think its going to be really weird. You need to tell him to pick someone else.”
me: “No. I’ve negotiated about a lot of things in this wedding but my fiance’s choice of groomsman is absolutely off the table for discussion. It’s not up to you OR me. I told him to pick whoever he wants and I’m letting him do it. It’s off the table.”
Not a word since…. just sayin’… 🙂
Post # 5
TealaB- try and remember it’s YOUR wedding. It’s a bummer when parents aren’t supportive, but just try and remember that’s it’s all about you and your FI. And trust me- the photos won’t look like a ‘dogs wedding’ because of uneven numbers, there’s SOOO many different ways to pose that it won’t look odd. Promise!
Post # 6
@CorgiTales: I wish my mom would back off. I swear we had a toned down version of that conversation a week ago (just me explaining the rational of it, and her acting not THRILLED about it, but not too upset either). So imagine my suprise when it came back 10x more extreme this morning. It did not sound like she planned on dropping it either.
She even suggested that I shouldn’t have his cousin as a bridesmaid (who *I* asked to be in the wedding) unless he is going to ask mine. Seriously this wedding is SO much more about my family and my mom’s wants then his family. He’s going to have like 5 family members there since they are overseas. Meanwhile ALL my family will be there, and like 25 of my mother’s friends. I think we can handle having his cousin in the wedding party!!
Post # 7
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I’m sure she will feel bad about how mean she was to you. Especially if you calmly tell her that she has hurt your feelings and that since the wedding is about you and your FI, that all the decisions you are making are decisions that you feel are best for the two of you. All three of the weddings I have been in have had uneven numbers. It’s about celebrating the people you love and choosing those you wish to stand up with you on your special day.
My mom made some hurtful comments to me about how I wasn’t including her in the wedding as much as my sister did for her wedding, which isn’t true at all. I told her she hurt my feelings, and I didn’t think it was fair for her to say things like that considering we are only a couple months into planning and some things just haven’t happened yet. She apologized and agreed she was wrong to have jumped to conclusions and said what she did.
I hope you and your mom can work it out.
Post # 8
That is ridiculous! We had uneven numbers and the photos were definitely not ruined. To be honest, there weren’t a whole heck of a lot of photos that included the whole wedding party anyway. If I could give any post-wedding advice it would be to remember that it is YOUR wedding and to not let your parents dictate how you do details like that.
Post # 9
Are you afraid to offend your mom? Is there any reason for you NOT to tell her to F off? If she’s going to be screaming about this, I think you should match bitchy for bitchy and tell her off. It is completely unacceptable that she would act like that! If my mom even TRIED that she would be met with every expletive in every language I know, ended with “So F off. The answer is NO.”
Post # 10
I totally agree! My Mom is wonderful and sweet and not very judgemental about most stuff but I specifically didn’t entertain the thought of them contributing to my wedding costs because she can be pretty pushy about what’s ‘right’ or what ‘she would do’ , you know?
I made the decision that I wanted the wedding to be totally mine and wasn’t going to sway that to please anyone else. The best way to do that was to make sure they didn’t feel that they owned any part of my wedding day or that I owed them any concessions. Are they paying for you wedding or are you just uncomfortable telling her to back off?
Post # 11
We’re going to have an uneven bridal party. I’ll have 4 BMs and FH is only having 2 GM. So far, no one has said anything about it, but not many people know. Since we moved our date back 5 months we kind of stopped talking so much about the wedding stuff.
Anyway, I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the wedding party was uneven, and it looked fine. As far as pictures, like someone said, there aren’t that many photos with the whole party.
My mom doesn’t know, but I doubt she’ll say much. She gets in moods where she’ll actually pretend to care about the wedding and then the rest of the time she’s pretty nonchalant about it. So, we’ll see how things change when it comes down to it.
Post # 12
I know my mom is just trying to manipulate me here. While I can be argumentative and will fight back, she knows eventually I will ‘give in’ and do what she wants. Often, it’s just not worth the fight to me.
I did argue back, and probably would have said flat out “F YOU” if it weren’t for the fact that they ARE paying for the wedding. Writing the cheques has definitely given her a say into most things (a say that she would have given me regardless of financial contribution), but I don’t think she should have ANY say in this. I don’t even think I should really ahve a say – this is FI’s decision. Before it was official she was like “well I think you should have evne numbers… but really its your decision”. As soon as we picked what she didn’t like, I got to see how much it REALLY was “our decision”.
My FI told me today that he doesn’t mind asking my cousin, especially since I have his cousin. Part of me really wants me to hold my ground and say no based on principle, b/c i know i’m being manipulated and it kills me to just give in. On the flip side, it seems petty to cause problems if FI doesn’t really care either way.
Her reaction was so extreme, I’m almost wondering if something else is going on. She is forever telling ppl stuff about the wedding, often before it is official. Maybe she told my grandparents (or my aunt) that the cousin was going to be in the wedding already and doesn’t want to have to backtrack?
Post # 13
We had uneven numbers, and it worked out just fine.
I would definitely look into whether there’s something else going on. I bet you’ve figured it out exactly that she’s told somebody the cousin is going to be in, and now doesn’t want to have to go back on that.
Post # 14
In the pp’s pictuer I couldnt even tell it was an uneven number.
Post # 15
Every wedding Ive been too theres never been even numbers and to be honest it was never even thought twice of,let alone mentioned by anybody. Id tell your mum that its your fiances decision entirely so its not even up to you,let alone her. If she tries to put any pressure on you about anything you should just gently remind her that the day is about you and your FI and the decisions lie with you. She shouldnt be manipulating you just because shes helping with costs.
Just be respectful toward her and remember its about what YOU want,its not her wedding day after all,x
Post # 16
If someone is coming completely unraveled at the idea of an uneven bridal party…
…they should probably check their medication/seek thereapy.
I can think of about 756,342,430,321 things on this planet to worry about that are more worthy of her time and energy.