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I would tell my mother, "You're right. It's not all about me. It's about me and my husband and celebrating the first day of the rest of our lives. I'll let you know what I decide! Love you! Gotta run."
I find my mother difficult to talk to about certain things so I just tell her thanks for letting me vent or whatever and do what i want to do.
Good luck
urgh...it most e crazy mommy day! its your day! do what you want on your wedding day. she already had hers!
@Bessica92113: I loved the last line you wrote: "I don't know how long I can keep the beast down!" At least you haven't lost your sense of humor {:^)
I agree with Mrs.Shamrock, keep it short and sweet. she's right, "It's your and your fiances day" and you should have the wedding anyway, anywhere and anyhow you both want it. She had her day and chose the VFW hall. She should allow you to have yours.
Thanks ladies! I really just need to vent and don't be surprised if this is not the last post about my mother! I love her to death, but seriously! I would take her opinion a little more if they were paying for the whole wedding, but they are seriously only paying for like 10% of the wedding, which ends up being like $1,000 so Idk what to do!
What is your mom's concern here? Is she worried that you'll pick an expensive venue and then not be able to afford as many guests? How many guests are you planning on having? Knowing the answers to those questions would help, but I would calmly explain to her that of course it's important to you to have those closest to you there for the wedding, but that you also want a nice wedding, and you're sure there's room to compromise with those two things. If you don't want a million guests maybe explain that you'd love to have a gorgeous, but small, wedding with just those closest to you. Or if you have plans to DIY tell her about those. Or maybe she just needs reassurance that you don't expect her to foot a bill that is much more money than she can afford.
If none of this works, and she just wants to be negative, then I'm sorry =( In that case I'd think it would be best to avoid wedding talk with her. If she starts just say, "Mom, I love you, but every time we talk about the wedding I end up feeling bad about what is a happy occasion, so I'd rather not talk about it." Then don't, just chnge the subject whenever she brings it up. If she starts yelling, calmly say, "I have to go now, talk to you later", and hang up.
Sorry you're dealing with this!
Your mom and my mom must be talking or something.
My mom does not seem to understand any of the visions I have for MY wedding and no matter what I suggest her response is "that's to much money". She also keeps reminding me it's not about me and that the significance of the day is the marriage itself. I'm not young (30), I understand all that. I would marry my FI any where any time - but we are lucky to have the option to have a nice reasonable wedding. I only get this day once and I've waited until I found the right person for it (was with the wrong person for a LONG time and didn't marry him). I'm not trying to throw Kim Kardashin's wedding or anything. But for us, the location was very important and my mother simply couldn't understand that.
Sorry - that was less advice and more a sympathetic vent. I've had to remind my mother this is my FI's wedding also and he has ideas too. I've had to make him voice his opinion about things so she realizes it's not just me. If she likes your FI, maybe hearing him nicely say the VFW is not his choice either will help her move past it.
@Wonderstruck:My guest count is 225, I plan on doing a TON of DIY, a family friend is doing the cake and the florist I am going through understands me more than my own fiance'(She is amazing I've known her for years) My Fiance' is actually a Chef so he can do the whole food thing cheap(We are planning on buffet style) The dress I found I fell in love with is only $500 and the Venue I asked her about only costs $600... I know that its gonna get costly, but my finace have a budget of $6,000 and only asking our parents if they can afford $1,000 per family. the DJ is $1,000. So I mean I'm not just jumping into it, but I just wish she would not get so B*****Y on me.
@Wonderstruck:My guest count is 225, I plan on doing a TON of DIY, a family friend is doing the cake and the florist I am going through understands me more than my own fiance'(She is amazing I've known her for years) My Fiance' is actually a Chef so he can do the whole food thing cheap(We are planning on buffet style) The dress I found I fell in love with is only $500 and the Venue I asked her about only costs $600... I know that its gonna get costly, but my finace have a budget of $6,000 and only asking our parents if they can afford $1,000 per family. the DJ is $1,000. So I mean I'm not just jumping into it, but I just wish she would not get so B*****Y on me.
@flutterbi: Our moms should go bowling... and you and I need to go for cocktails!!! haha I find that my mother is very jealous of me and I know that sounds crazy, but she had me at 18 and I kinda feel sometimes as if she is jealous that I am living things out the way she would have wanted to... She got married at 28, I'm getting married at 20. (Well I will be 22 when I finally so I do), but this is what I want:)
Yeah, in my experience weddings are about what a lot of people want, not just the couple in question. "It's your day!" HahahahahahahaNO.
HOWEVER, in your case, since you're paying for pretty much everything, you get pretty much everything you want, as far as I'm concerned!
@Beluga: THANK YOU! I agree and I think the thing that made me mad was when she said, "Well is my name atleast gonna be on the invitations?!?!"
I can empathize. The early stages in wedding planning were rough as you have to make so many major decisions. I visited a ton of venues, got prices for everything, then made a spreadsheet breaking down the costs so that I could have something concrete to show everyone involved. Don't forget to include linen/china/flatware/glassware rental; servers, even if self-catering, as someone has to refill the buffet and clear dishes; a bartender, drinks of all sorts, etc.; decorating costs.
Also, be sure you're budget goes as far as you think it will. The early stages were also painful because I realized just how expensive everything is. Ouch.
If she actually used the word materialistic, I would talk to her about it...I think weddings were just different in our parents' day.
@cannotwait: She is my mother and I am her child... she says things that I just dont understand sometimes, but whatever:) I keep telling her if it wasn't about material I would just elope! See how she would like me than!
I like mrs shamrocks response, it's short, sweet and straight to the point. Also, your parents contributing $1k is pretty nice of them. When I asked my mom if she was willing to contribute to anything, she started squirming..
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Today I decided that a outside fall wedding venue in northern michigan is a little to risky so I was looking at different options and when I called my mom and asked her what she thought about a certain location she proceeded to say "eh" I asked her again and she said "I can't believe how materialistic you are being its not all about you! You don't have to spend a shit ton of money its about whose there with you." I guess she wants me to have my reception at the same place she did to save money. Not saying its a bad thing, but she had her reception in a VFW hall, but when she married my dad they had 2 kids, in their late 20's and 30's and weren't exactly well off. I would consider the VFW hall, but honestly I have cleaned the toilets in that building(My grandparents were the Janitors) I just can't forsee it being anything else but a bingo hall.
I need some help I usually know how to handle my mother, but I'm trying to keep my cool and not go all Bridzilla on her ass, but I don't know how long I can keep the beast down!