Post # 1
Kingy and I decided that only people who are seriously dating may bring a guest to our wedding, which I am fine with. One of my friend had JUST gotten a boyfriend when we sent out invites and honestly, her relationships are usually pretty immature. We decided not to invite him, thinking it couldn’t be serious. Its been a bit of time and they’re still dating and seem to have a pretty nice relationship. This girl is not really friend with any of my other friends and was really uncomfortable at my bridal shower (she didn’t say so but I could tell she felt left out because she didn’t really know any one well enough to have a conversation or anything).. she responded to my invite saying she’d be bringing a guest. Kingy FREAKED out and has been arguing with me about it since then. He keeps saying ‘when are you going to tell her she can’t bring him?’ ‘why should i have to pay an extra $100 so she can bring her flavor of the month?’ etc.
I personally think its unfair that everyone else gets to bring their boyfriends except her, just because she doesn’t have the best track record. Also, the fact that she will feel so uncomfortable there if she doesn’t have a date, which I didn’t really realize until my bridal shower.
Post # 3
@kingytobe: eeks this is quite tough. I’m not sure what to do. I agree with both of your sides.
Post # 4
I’m a strong proponent of appeasing your fiance first and foremost, at least in most cases. You need to side with him on this one. You didn’t give your friend a guest, so she does not get to bring one. Her comfort at your wedding does not trump your FI’s… or other people’s who didn’t get to bring a guest.
Post # 5
I aggree with @mwitter80 I definitely understand where your fiance is coming from, but I also understand how awkward it can be to go to a wedding solo not knowing anyone…maybe you can bring it up later after things have calmed down. If he is still upset after you bring it up the second time, his feelings might not change on the issue….tough call. 🙁
Post # 6
If she knew plenty of other people at the wedding, I would say Kingy was right. However, since she doesn’t really know anyone else, I would let her bring a date.
Post # 7
If your cutoff was those in a serious relationship, she seems to fit that bill. If your cutoff was married/engaged/living together, I would see your FI’s point, but this doesn’t sound like the case. Obviously, she was wrong to rsvp with a guest when one wasn’t invited for her, but I would let it go in this case. Maybe you can tell your FI that you want to support her relationship by taking it seriously and the situation has changed since the invites went out (now she is in a serious relationship and fits your criteria).
Post # 8
I do agree with you guys. We chose to have a small, nice wedding vs. a big, okay wedding and it seems like people keep creeping out of the woodwork that ‘need’ to be invited, it seems like we’ve had this argument a million times. I just feel bad that my friend wont have a good time or wont come because of it. Thanks for your input ladies.
Post # 9
That’s a toughie because I can see where you both are coming from….does FI have any friends in similar situations? Because if so it’s not really fair to make an exception for your friend, but not his…if not, then I agree with PP thoughts to let it mellow a bit and then try bringing it up again and seeing…
Post # 10
I see both sides, but I would let her bring a date. I know its been debated 10000 times on the board. But for me personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable at all at a wedding alone, where I didnt know many people. I know some people are totally fine in those type of situations, but I am a classic introvert and I would be miserable.
Post # 11
Let her bring a date and hopefully they will pay for their plates (at least) so you arent out $$ – which seems to be part of your FI concern
Post # 12
@sara_tiara: well one of the major issues is that Kingy is Australian so he doesn’t have many people coming to our Chicago wedding- he has 20ish people comming vs. my 80ish since 95% of my friends and family live here. It makes all of this even tougher!
Post # 13
If the invitation/rsvp made no indicator that she could bring a guest then there is no reason she should be putting you in the awkward situation of ‘telling you’ she’s bringing one. If your invitations said ‘+1’ or __ guests attending, that’s a different story.
I would appease the FI, no reason to let a friend stress you guys out in a stressed out time already imo.
Post # 14
Could she know that, though? Not everyone knows wedding etiquette. I think it’s quite normal for people to think they can bring a guest. Why would you go to a wedding alone? Assuming probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but maybe she either feels slighted that she didn’t get a +1 or maybe she doesn’t think that friendship stopped at formal wedding etiquette?
Post # 15
We set rules at the start of the guest list but then as no’s starting rolling in and there were last minute changes, we didn’t fight it. The budget was already set and we planned to spend that much already so if so and so wants to invite their boyfriend then we were ok with it. I say let her bring him. Especially if there is room, what’s one more person at your choice?
Post # 16
@twobecomeone: we put that she had one seat reserved for her, she changed the number to two… so yeah, pretty rude but whatever
Update: We fought and fought about it (wedding planning and living with your mother brings out the best in people, doesn’t it?) and then both apologized, and both told each other they were right… then decided she can bring her boyfriend but if they break up, she can’t bring a friend or random date.. seemed fair to both of us 🙂
as always, thanks for your opinions!