Appropriate age to get engaged?

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The answer to this question is going to be different from every person, but essentially: whenever you and your spouse are ready to be engaged 

Post # 4
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, tell those people that you’ll do it when you do it, IF you feel like it. Don’t let peer pressure be a reason you choose to get engaged.

I was 23 when I got engaged (married at 24), DH was 28 when we got engaged (married at 29).

Post # 5
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I got engaged at 37 and married at 38. Get engaged at whatever time is right for you. If you are happy where you are (and I think you should be!) than just continue in that. When people ask when you’re getting engaged, tell them to mind their own business 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The obvious answer is when it is right for the two people involved (assuming you both are over the age of 18-which you are).

My answer is slightly more involved, I think if a couple is ready to be engaged, they are adults, financially independent and self-supporting individuals. While they may life with family, they have steady, legal, income to fully maintain the lifestyle they choose. They are self-aware and emotionally mature. They take ownership of maintaining their own physical and emotional health. Their surroundings are taken care of (they may split the responsibilities with others or pay for it, but they have a hygenic environment). They can maintain healthy relationships with a variety of people (family, colleagues, friends, and their partner). Basically, if a couple is “old enough” to be engaged, they should be adults. I did have friends who got married right out of college and had a lot of problems because they just weren’t mature enough. I’ve also had friends who got married young and are enjoying a great marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Miss_Mimosa:  It’s whenever both of you are ready.

I’m a bit older than you, but I have a “friend” I worked with- he was 19 and is now 20.  His girlfriend and him have been together for 6 years.  Especially for thier age, they have a very mature relationship.  They have lived together since they were 18, are both in school + both work.  They were ready to be engaged, but are waiting a few years to get married- so they got engaged– with a ring- this summer.  He could easily afford the ring she wanted, which made the timing even more right for them.  But he explained that while they are totally happy to be engaged- yes, they are waiting about 2 more years before thier destination wedding (whih they are already starting to plan).

Post # 8
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

When you’re ready,you’re ready. Don’t let other people pressure you, and definitely don’t committ to a lifelong marriage because it feels like you’re “supposed” to now. 

Personally, I was 24 at engagement and just under 25 when we got married. DH, on the other hand was 29. 

Enjoy your life, and do what’s right for you. 

Post # 9
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First, you have to stop comparing yourself to everyone else, that’s the perfect way to end up with an unhappy life. If people keep asking you I would just smile and say something simple like, “we’re enjoying life right now, we will when we want to.” or something like that. There’s not right or wrong age in my opinion.

Post # 10
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Miss_Mimosa:  only you guys know if your ready to or not … dont let ppl push u into it 

 

also side note if you do get engaged its not a race to the alter unless one of you makes it one …. my cousin and his wife were enaged 11 years they got enegaged young but he didnt wanna get marrried till he was moving up in his company well could afford a home big enough for 2 children and could give her the things he thought she deserved 

 

he went to school a few times so did she they both tried different things in work … and they traveled alot nyc africa thia land  france england  mexico all over canada where we are from …. its not a race its about building a life 

 

i will say there is something that feels wonderful about having the ring b.c. ppl can see the promise the commitment and the love (being my self engaged right now) so  dont rush if you feel ready to get engaged remember its no race you can just enjoy the world seeing out commited you are right on ur hand and get married later no rush

Post # 11
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Miss_Mimosa:  Just tell them when youre 50.  That way they know youre beings sarcastic and will not ask for a while!!  FI and I got engaged when I was 23 (two days before I turned 24), and he was 26.  We were together for 3 1/2 years.  We also are having a 2 year engagement.  So we are getting marred at 25 and 28. 

Post # 12
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

whenever you’re both absolutely certain that you want to be married and that you are financially able to provide for yourselves..I am 20 now, but got engaged at 19 and while that’s fairly normal in my culture, a lot of others thought it was too young, but I’m ready, my fiance’s ready, and we have enough money, so we’re comfortable with our decision.

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was 23 when engaged and 24 when we got married. I say get engaged and married when YOU feel it is the right time. No one should try to pressure you into marriage. You still have a lot of time. It was the righyt time for us becuase we were both in established careers and out of college for a while, had good living arrangements, and felt ready to make that committment.

Post # 14
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You will just know when it is time. Definitely don’t get married because of pressure! We’ve been together for a year and a half. We are engaged and I am 22 and FI is 25. We will be 23 and 25 when we get married. We aren’t the type of people who date for a really long time and shave a long engagement. When you know, you know. We both had the mindset not to date someone unless you can see yourself marrying them. 

Post # 15
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Just tell people that you’re very much enjoying your current relationship but you’ll let them know when and if it changes….

We wanted to get engaged when we felt like “grownups” – after moving around for college and advance degrees, after lots of adventures, once we settled into careers and were a little more rooted in one place. Even though we got together at 17 and 19, we waited til we were 30 and 32 to get engaged. (I woulda been ready a couple ears earlier, but I didn’t mind – I was perfectly happy as is.) No regrets at all. I loved being in a committed unengaged relationship, I loved being engaged, and I love being married 🙂

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I got married at 23!

But DH is 28.

I think if we were BOTH 22, we would have taken longer to get engaged–with launching our careers after college and travelling and all that fun stuff!

DH wanted to have the downpayment saved for a house before he got engaged, and he wanted to be able to afford an accidental baby before starting to look for a future wife. For him, that took until until he was 27!

So definitely enjoy saving money and travelling. Especially travelling!

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