Are All Marriages Equal?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Disagree. It’s what the couple does that makes the marriage the marriage. If you two were horrible to each other and uncooperative and controlling, you would call it a bad marriage, not just a marriage where 2 people were being jerks. 

Post # 4
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What @LittleE3:  said. And YOU can be great at communication and everything else you’re “supposed” to do, but if that other person isn’t or has problems he’s not willing to work on, it’s very one sided and will never get better. I was in a VERY bad marriage. I worked at it for a while, he didn’t/couldn’t.

Post # 7
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@MrsSparkle10:  thus making the two marriages not equal in my eyes! No two people are equal so no two marriages are equal! Either way you spin in, 2 people who are in it for the right reasons make a great marriage! 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@MrsSparkle10:  it’s a abstract concept and we are two strangers on the internet trying to briefly articulate something long and complicated! No worries!! 

Post # 10
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsSparkle10:  The statement makes sense to me, from the course instructor.  

I think marriages are equal in title.  From there, what constitutes ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is that of the beholder, and how those in the marriage choose to handle it as well.

My FI and I have had extensive talks on what we want in our marriage, what we need to sustain it, or keep it good, what dealbreakers we believe we have that would make it bad enough to leave, and/or things we need to consistently work on for US.   Those things, in order to keep us happy, healthy and well vary, but the main points are: communication, openness, transparency and selflessness.  We both struggle with these from time to time.

However, those things are not (perhaps) priorities in other people’s marriages, and so,  it would not be fair for me to say that my marriage is far better of far worse because of it.  For example, I have acquintances in life whom find that fighting – visibly arguing, etc – is a way maintain healthiness in their marriage, or else they feel their passion is not present.  They would say there marriages are perfectly good due to this trait, but my marriage would be quite unhappy if all we did was fight!!

Hope that makes sense 🙂

Post # 12
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

In short, no, all marriages are not equal.  I actually don’t think that all marriages have the potential to be equal either.  It is very much dependent upon the two people in the relationship and how they interact both apart and together.

Post # 13
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@MrsSparkle10:  It’s lucky that you found that person who is willing to work on your relationship though.  I have a great marriage because we both work on it.  But I am also lucky that we’re both willing to do what it takes.

Post # 14
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i have never considered marriages to be equal because really, no 2 marriages are the same.  yes, marriage is marriage but other than that, nothing is the same.

Post # 15
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i always took a marriage to equal 100%.  sometimes things are 50/50 sometimes things are 80/20.  as long as everyone is happy with the balance, then the marriage can be successful.

 

Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsSparkle10:  I think it’s mostly a semantic value.

However, all marriages aren’t equal unfortunately – a gay couple that gets married in MA doesn’t have all the same rights if they move to another state.

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