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Yikes, your date is the same as mine! So far it's pretty open--I have a good friend getting married 3 weeks before me but I don't think we'll have many common guests. Other than that, I don't have anyone getting married close to me. November is supposed to be the least popular month or one of them!
To be honest, it would piss me off if someone swooped in and went right before me! And I know, I know, we "only get one day" and should just "focus on the fact that you're marrying the man you love" and whatnot, but I'd still feel grumpy about it if it happened to me.
If we're being totally honest? Yes, I would. I'm not going to sit here and spout off about "stealing your thunder isn't real." It isn't thunder stealing, but it IS putting an unnecessary strain on mutual friends and it's making EVERYONE'S lives more hectic. I'm really glad neither mine nor FI's siblings are engaged.
if you have a full time job during the week, i would think the weekends leading up to your wedding to be precious and busy! it would be really hard to attend another wedding and still be thinkign about all the last mineute things you have to do for yur wedding. i cant believe all these friends would schedule them so closely.
i would probably be more sad than anything else, because it does take Away from all the weddings to have them so close, and inevitably people will compare all the options.
I'm actually IN a friends wedding the week before my own and my cousin is getting married 2 weeks before me on top of that. But it doesn't bother me any.
Now, I hope my friend doesn't mind because she had her date set first. But we wanted to get married on our 5 year anniversary, which just so happens to fall on a Saturday this year, and happens to be the week after her. I can't change my anniversary date. I hope she doesn't feel like I'm raining on her perade. But there won't be too many mutual friends between us. And the mutual friends I have talked to about it are just excited to have open bar two weekends in a row.
My date was set before said cousin picked hers, so if it doesn't bother her, it doesn't bother me.
As far as people affording it, I hope they come gift or no gift. I just want people to celebrate my FI's and my love and commitment to each other.
If someone in my immediate family or a close friend knowingly chose a date just a couple weeks before/after mine, I'd be upset. I would just grumble to myself or perhaps online about it though lol.
@Juliepants: I feel it was a swoop in by my FIs friends to be honest and by my brother. How does my brother go and choose his day 4 weeks before mine? His FI is also stealing my ideas for my wedding and its irritating. If I bring it up he calls me a baby.
I mean.. ugh! Sorry, need to vent! All of these friends/family know its our wedding day on the 10th yet they chose so close.. why? Arent summer weddings supposed to be the in thing? Guess not.
@80sbee: It sucks, because October is fairly popular for weddings (in my area anyway) and November is getting more popular because you can score some better prices. But vent away, you're safe on here! If you feel like they're stealing your wedding ideas, maybe don't tell them much more about your details!
I am to an extent. FI and I are getting married in Mexico and I found out thy his cousin was planning onproposing to his gfat after our ceremony... On the same daysad our wedding. Now I'm not normally demanding or rude but I flat out said no... And to be quite honest I saidthat if he asked her at all during the week we are there then I would be very upset. Anytime before ad after would be fine but the way I see it is if I plan a week long of wedding events while we are there... Then that's my time.
i can understand how upsetting this would be but don't let it ruin your day. at least they aren't sharing your same day. financially it is a lot for someone to be invited to 4 weddings in 6 weeks but it wouldn't deter me from attending all of them. just don't expect a generous gift from them.
@Pappy8: that is not nice. talk about stealing thunder. can he not wait to propose the next day on the beach or something? why would he choose to do that and take your spotlight? maybe you FI could talk to him and tell him that it wouldn't be a very romantic proposal; doing it at someone else's wedding. kind of lame actually.
It's not selfish on your part at all! You should be proud & excited for this big day in your life!!
You scheduled first & others are rude to cross to closely to your date for all the valid reasons you mentioned.
I personally would have nicely brought it up as soon as their date was mentioned with your valid concerns. I think people would be shocked how often people unintentionally do things & will gladly make changes.
I wouldn't care about the dates, but I would be seriously pissed if they were stealing my ideas! I don't know if it makes you feel better but my husband and I got married the weekend after one of his closest childhood friends. We had a 40% guest overlap and everyone attended, had a blast and loved both weddings. It was so great having back to back celebrations that two other couples from the same group are engaged now and they are planning to do it back to back too!
I think it will be fine, and all your guests will come and have a great time. But as for your brothers FI and the idea stealing, that has to stop. It is awful.
@mypinkshoes: hey, i completely agree, lucky for us... they actually got engaged this christmas and are getting married this august because a baby is on the way... We are in the clear!
So, I am one of those people who got engaged after my brother but decided to schedule my wedding in the same year as his. I felt strongly that I did not want to be engaged 2 years, and I also wanted a Fall/Winter wedding. So his wedding is in June, and mine is in November. I know I wouldn't care if someone's wedding was near mine because every celebration feels special, but I do feel bad that HE feels bad...maybe you could talk to these couples just to clear the air?
I hope my friend didn't think I took her thunder or whatever. We both got engaged on the same weekend (May 2011) and we both wanted short engagement periods. So her wedding is late April and mine is mid March. I'm a bridesmaid in hers but I'm not having any BMs in mine. And the overlap between the two weddings in terms of guests is about 5 people and the weddings are local. She didn't have a problem with it. We literally booked our weddings the same weekend too!
I think I'm in the minority when I say this, but you've been engaged for TWO years. That's a long time, and if you're at an age when your friends and siblings are getting married, that's to be expected. I'm pretty sure your brother thought it was okay to schedule his wedding a month before yours. That's plenty of time.
The only odd thing is...I don't know where you are, but mid-November seems awfully popular in your neck of the woods. I thought people only ran into this issue in the summer!
And I agree, stealing ideas? Rude.
I think I'm in the minority when I say this, but you've been engaged for TWO years. That's a long time, and if you're at an age when your friends and siblings are getting married, that's to be expected. I'm pretty sure your brother thought it was okay to schedule his wedding a month before yours. That's plenty of time.
The only odd thing is...I don't know where you are, but mid-November seems awfully popular in your neck of the woods. I thought people only ran into this issue in the summer!
And I agree, stealing ideas? Rude.
I think I'm in the minority when I say this, but you've been engaged for TWO years. That's a long time, and if you're at an age when your friends and siblings are getting married, that's to be expected. I'm pretty sure your brother thought it was okay to schedule his wedding a month before yours. That's plenty of time.
The only odd thing is...I don't know where you are, but mid-November seems awfully popular in your neck of the woods. I thought people only ran into this issue in the summer!
And I agree, stealing ideas? Rude.
My best friend got married a month before me and we were eachother's MOHs. It was the best experience doing everything together. No one was upset and no one stole eachother's thunder.
DHs friends also got married a week after us. They happily attended our wedding and we scheduled our honeymoon later so we could happily attend theirs.
Sometimes things get busy. Everyone got their special day and everyone's day was awesome. I don't really think it's any reason to get upset unless there is family travelling long distances for multiple weddings involved.
Well, if it was just one wedding it wouldn't be so bad. But I would be pretty miffed if there were 3-4 other weddings in the same season AND group of friends as mine.
And yes, I get defensive about my date, too. Lol.
BUT it looks like there is no way out of it now so you should try and work with it! Is there any way you can borrow or share costs of some of the stuff? Like chair coverings, centerpieces, anything?
Also, keep your guests in mind! I'm sure they will be stressed out, too, so be mindful of them, too!
Yes. And as a guest, I'd be annoyed because thats SO much money to throw down in a little amount of time.
One of my best friends is getting married two weeks after me. I got engaged in April and set our date fairly early. She got engaged in November and was hoping for a) an autumn wedding and b) one sooner rather than later because her grandparents are getting up in years and will have to travel to attend. I made a point to let her know that I didn't mind if she chose this October, too, and that FI and I would be there whenever ...as long as we didn't happen to be getting married on the exact same day. (Which would have sucked!) There's not a huge overlap in guests, if any, which means I don't have the same worry about guest/wallet fatigue.
If I were OP, I'd be stressed enough trying to get to all those weddings even without the added stress of, oh, throwing my own. It doesn't sound ideal, that's for sure, especially when so many weddings these days require travel. I've attended just one wedding that didn't require me to get a hotel.
I have a friend getting married the week before us. Not bothered by it. If it were the same day/weekend I'd probably be pissed.
Not really. FI's cousin is supposedly getting married next fall, no clue when. Hopefully not too close to ours' because I don't want travelling to be an issue for anyone. Going to weddings close to eachother could be a pain.
I am defensive when people bitch about it being a friday night though!!!
I think I would understand if their weddings were on the same day of yours.. however since they are weeks apart I don't think you should feel threatened. I am sure that your guests will be so happy to come to your wedding and celebrate your happy day, regardless of the other wedding dates. These days everyone is so busy... if there wasn't a wedding they would either have birthday parties or some other kind of commitment. I don't think your day will be spoilt at all.. if your friends and family REALLY want to come to the wedding (which I am sure they do!) they will find a way.. even if they do have financial struggles. Sometimes people book their weddings depending on their busy lifestyle and not always because a certain day is special. For instance, my FI and I have booked our wedding during school holidays because I am a teacher.
I had 2 very good friends recently get married out of state 1 week apart from each other (they don't know each other and no mutual friends between them other than me). Unfortunately, there was no way I could get the time off work or afford 2 trips out of state that close together, so I had to choose only one =o( So I totally understand being upset... it does affect which guests can attend. I would have loved to attend both.
@80sbee: Dont share any details with her then she cant!! Id be mad... FBIL and gf were trying to do this to us.. NEVER talked about marriage and weddings til I got my upgrade last Feb. and then decided they would race us to the altar and marry like 3-4 weeks before us which was supposed to be this March... oh i was upset. It would have been a sight to see!! Sad thing is we lived with them for like a yr aka HELL on earth and I found out they were engaged on FB ... woooowww. She claims she didnt want to make a big deal about it and it was low key but posts it on FB and we are "friends" on there! Now they arent engaged or getting married bc "its not for them" but she fakes it to please all her friends stating "its not right to have a kid,live together and not be married and alll my student's parents will look down on me" Geesh!
We had to push it back but still...it irks me to this day! I dont share too much with her now! She and him are a trip! I wish I didnt have to invite them and FI feels the same but I dont wanna be mean:)
I can totally understand why you're upset because of the concern about guests' finances, if there is a lot of overlap between your guests.
But about the "thunder-stealing" issue, what if they all just really wanted fall weddings? Or that time frame happened to work well for them? Should they have had to choose between going with a month they didn't want, or waiting till the following year? The one thing I've known about my wedding since I was a kid was that I wanted it to be in the fall. And I'm not sure where you live, but where I am, October and November are some of the nicest weather months if you don't enjoy the heat... the last couple years, November has actually been even nicer than October. So when you combine good weather with the fact that many venues discount their rates starting in November, it's a pretty desirable month. My point is, you're getting married at a very popular time of the year and I don't know that it's fair to expect that people shouldn't choose a date anywhere close to yours.
I think it really depends on who it is. If it were my sister getting married the week before or after me, I might be a little annoyed, but more on the behalf of my guests. I would feel bad making OOT guests choose which wedding to travel for. If it's a friend that doesn't have a LOT of mutual friends, that's fine.
@jennipea382: I feel upset about that because my brother is marrying about a month before me and OOTguests may have to choose which one to attend. I feel kinda bummed out about that.
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My FI has 2 friends getting married 1 week before us and 1 week after us, and I have a friend getting married 3 weeks before us and my brother is marrying 4 weeks before me. I am so nervous about many of my guests not being able to make my wedding because of their finaces and busy schedule. It's not cheap for someone to attend 4 weddings within 6 weeks (we all have mutual friends)
I feel very defensive and dont appreciate the wedding dates chosen so close to mine (esp the week before and week after). I have been engaged for 2 years way before my brother or any of my friends were engaged and I feel like my thunder has been stolen :( I feel somewhat selfish writing this, but I think I have a small right to be.
How would you feel?