Post # 1
OK people are telling me I *have* to register. Well I am 42 and an encore bride and honestly do not need that much. We are very very blessed. My preference would be a donation to the American Cancer Society in honor of my Fiance father who died from lung cancer 2 years ago. I have mentioned that to everyone that asks “where are you registered” and everyone of them has come back with “oh that’s so nice. So where/when are you going to register?”
So for the people that insist on getting us a gift from a registry we need to go ahead I guess. And I will simply make a donation in his Dad’s honor after the wedding because his death is what finally brought us together – we had been best friends with an interesting history until it hit my Fiance that he did not want to die without me 🙂
So anyways any unique suggestions on where you are registering or how you are handling this?
Post # 3
You do not need to register. If I were you I’d create a wedding website and on it state that you will not be registering, in lieu of gifts you will be accepting donations to the American Cancer Society, I would also choose another charity close to your heart. If you don’t need anything there is no reason to register just because other people tell you to. If you choose to register you’ll end up with gifts you don’t need and the charities could miss out.
Post # 4
Just an idea but my aunt got remarried at 39. She set up a honeymoon registry because she said she didn’t need more pots and pans and cookie sheets. When people asked where she was registered she told them that site and that she wasn’t registered at any stores.
I also like the idea of setting up a website if you want to go the donation route and saying in lieu of gifts please consider a donation or something like that.
Post # 5
And/or if you’re taking a honeymoon, perhaps register for a massage or something like that for both you and your groom.
Post # 6
I am registering-just going the Wal-mart route, as I figure that is where most of my guests shop anyway. Honestly, I hope people just give us money as we are planning on buying a house and need every penny towards that.
Post # 7
You could register at a local seasonal shop for things like Christmas Ornaments or at Lowes or Home Depot. Local wine shops sometimes will have hand written registries. Art galleries will often have a type of registry also.
We are in the same boat. His family is really pestering me to register but we really don’t need anything (and I am not really into registries other than a china patterns, and I already have my grandmothers set). I talked about it with my mom and she talked me into registering for a few upgrades to things we already have, if only to appease his family. Also, I registered for dishes at Pottery Barn. I was going to get them anyway this week but now we will just wait a few months, ugh, and I hate the ugly dishes that the FH has.
Post # 8
I registered at Macys for crystal and a couple other items and Crate and Barrel. Most of it was upgrade from stuff that was really old. It really wasn’t that much. We really needed stuff from Lowes/Home Depot so my sister included that in the shower invites. I have gotten invitations (anniversary or 2nd marriage, usually) that said things to the effect of, “the couple requests no gifts, but would be honored if you made a donation to the American Cancer Society, in honor of John’s late father, John Smith Sr.”
Post # 9
We’re also thinking we’ll register for “upgrade” items (towels, sheets, maybe luggage?), probably at Macy’s since it’s everywhere. Future Sister-In-Law works for Williams Sonoma so I may register there for a crazy expensive waffle maker and see if anyone is inspired. 😉 I know a lot of people believe that if you don’t register for gifts you’ll get cash, but my family does not play that way (they’re on the “cash gifts are vulgar” end of the spectrum), so registering is the only way to avoid getting stuff we don’t want at all. His family is from a more cash culture, so fingers crossed.
Post # 10
We’re adding a “charity of choice” as well. My experience with friends who have done this is that some people love it, and others would prefer to buy a gift. Especially for older relatives, you just can’t convince them not to buy gifts, and they’ll buy them whether you register or not, so I think you can encourage charitable donations in your honor but register for a few basic upgrades like towels and sheets, etc. Otherwise you’ll end up a with a bunch of random crystal, salad sets etc. that you neither need NOR want.
Post # 11
Thank you for this thread as I was debating just this very same thing. I have been bugged about registering so I am going to at Williams Sonoma. Everyone knows my FH loves to cook, so they will love it! Also was thinking of Target or Ikea
Post # 12
@unixfairy: I just got married – we’re in our 40s, lived together for 3 years, and moved into a house a year ago. My Fiance was dead set against it, but I talked him into registering at Crate and Barrel. We registrered for very affordable things – and thank god we did – we got just about everything on our list. I can’t imagine what we would have received if we did not. People want to get you things you actually want, some are really uncomfortable w money – so I think WS is a great idea.
Post # 13
OK so I was chatting to my mom about this last night (she is 73)
Me: So ppl are asking us where we are registered
Mom: Long discourse on why it is not proper for encore brides to register or people that have lived together a long time should not register
Me: I agree and I am asking that people make a donation to charity in the name of Fiance deceased father but people do not want to do that
Mom: Oh I see – you might end up with lots of crap you don’t need. Like toasters. I have an idea – ask for liquor, your bar always needs restocking.
Me; Oh that is perfect – I will register at Lee’s Discount Liquors
Post # 14
@unixfairy: That is hysterical! Your mom sounds awesome.
Post # 15
I had the same feeling – I got married at 47, we had a destination wedding, and guests were spending $$ on travel so I discouraged gift-giving. Still, many people insisted that they wanted to get us something.
On our wedding website, I had a page titled “In Lieu of Gifts.” It said that we had enough “stuff,” and to please consider donations in lieu of gifts. We chose two charities that were meaningful, and even built special donation pages on their websites with direct links.
Below all of that, we included a link to a honeymoon registry. We got tons of honeymoon registry gifts and a few charitable donations.
Here’s a link to our website page in case you want to see the wording:
Post # 16
We’re both in our 40’s and we don’t need anything so we’re not registering. Honestly, we’re hoping for cash. I think everyone knows buying us a toaster would be a waste.