(Closed) Are bridesmaids supposed to buy a present?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9609 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it is a good idea for bridesmaids to give a gift, especially in those situations. I plan on paying for everything for my maids but I won’t expect a gift from them, or anyone for that matter.

Post # 4
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

I think BMs should give a gift just out of courtesy. It doesn’t even have to cost much – just a token.

When my friend got married and it cost almost my entire month’s disposable income to go to it, I gave her some of my mother’s marmalade (her favourite) and the recipe printed out beautifully (she’d wanted it forever). I also made her a video of her hen party and gave it to her on CD.

It cost next to nothing for those gifts, but it did cost me time to do everything. She really appreciated it because I put thought and effort into a gift, despite not having any money.

I think it’s just rude when people don’t offer even the smallest of tokens.

Post # 5
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

IMO it depends on how much your bridesmaids know about weddings.  I was a bridesmaid a couple of times (I actually forgot I was in my cousins wedding years ago lol) and I don’t know if I got the bride a gift but I honestly had no idea that was something to do.

As a bride I see it all different and I’m giving one of my bridesmaids (whom I was a bm in her wedding) a special gift to thank her for being a bm and also for putting up with me being a half a** bridesmaid.  I didn’t help much…didn’t buy gifts…mostly bought a dress and showed up.  I would have done way more had I known.  I guess I learned the do nothing route from being a kid in my cousins wedding and gifts and such were taken care of by my mom.

Otherwise, a bm well versed in weddings would most likely give a gift…want to give a gift IMO.

Post # 6
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve always bought a wedding gift when I’ve been a bridesmaid, even after paying for dress, hair, and even those weddings where flights and hotels were also necessary. We also received gifts from everyone in our wedding party.

So, it may be my group of friends and family, but I’d say yes- you still buy a gift. However, I see on some threads on WB that people don’t seem to think a gift is necessary at all when attending a wedding- whether you are in the wedding or not…which is a little crazy to me, but to each her own I guess!

Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

i personally would always buy or bring a gift. there are however some situations when i think it is ok if they dont. for example if they organised and payed for your hens (or a large part of it). if they had a lot of expenses associated with the wedding eg travel, dress, shoes etc. If they had none of these then absolutely, i mean really these are the people closest to you and a gift no matter how small would be meaninful to you. I dont know what the go is with all the posts about presents and how many people actually come to a wedding empty handed, i mean really dont your parents teach you that stuff, what is polite and considerate (no offense meant at anyone at all, just saying). 

Post # 8
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve never heard of BM’s NOT giving a wedding gift. Typically, they pitch in for the shower and/or bachlorette party, but also give a gift on the day of the actual wedding.

I know some girls choose to do this individually, but most of the weddings I’ve been in/to, the BM’s all pitch in and get one large gift for the couple. 

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think ALL guests should give a gift, it’s just proper etiquette. You would never attend a birthday party, or shower without a gift, or a funeral without a condolences card, a wedding is no different and it’s just plain good taste to at least bring a card.

I don’t think wedding party is exempt from this, I just think they should take into consideration what they already had to spend and then gift accordingly.

Post # 11
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I buy a gift even if I’m in the wedding. I’m still a guest and need to show my support other than buying my own dress and standing there.

And I don’t consider shower or bachelorette gifts something that replaces a wedding gift.

Post # 12
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Whether it’s a shower gift or wedding gift (but not necessarily both) I think it’s thoughtful for the BM to give some sort of gift. 

I’m not one for etiquette because I think most of those “rules” are based on outdated standards.  🙂

Post # 13
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

They definitely are not required to give a gift, but I do think that they should WANT to.

They do have up to a year to give a gift, so it may still be forthcoming.  If one does not appear, then I do think you should end your friendship over it, but it may be something that sticks with you, when you are thinking of what to gift them next.

 

Post # 14
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you are asking advice as a bridesmaid- yes, get your friend a gift.  If you are asking if you should expect one as a bride, never.  Good luck.  Know what I mean?

Post # 15
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

No matter what they paid for or did not pay for it is appropriate for them to give a present.

 

Post # 16
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it’s rude no matter who you are to not give a gift, unless you’re someone who helped pay for the wedding (ie, parents).  But, if the bride is paying for everything that you’re normally required to pay for, you should give an extra generous gift, IMO.  No bride has ever paid for me to get any of my stuff done and that would have really been nice. 

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