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From what I've read, if the father makes a strong case, judges actually see that as "wow, he's really interested!" and they favor the dad (they become persuaded b/c they are used to dads not being interested in custody). If it's an everyday case, then, the mom is usually favored. Hope everything is ok with you.
Yes, unless the father can show reason why the court should not allow the mother to have custody and that he should be the custodial parent. This would normally lead to a hearing where both sides present their cases and the judge decides who is more fit to be the custodial parent. Barring obvious issues such as drug or alcohol addiction, or credible abuse allegations, the mother is typically favored by the courts.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but that is just not true. Judges do not automatically favor dads who give a shit about their kids. That's EXPECTED of you.
@blu77: :-( That makes me really uneasy... It is not an everyday case.. My lawyer and the judge himself has said that our case is the hardest type of custody case... rellocation. We have been going through this for a year now.. and we have a final hearing next week.. my stomach is in knots..
@ohheavenlyday: does the child's sex have anything to do with it? I have a daughter.. and she is 3 (not in school yet).. BUT I am requesting to rellocate.. and I am very scared that the judge will say no. There has been no drug problems or anything like that with either of us..
When it comes to relocation, a judge may not necessarily remove your child from your custody, but your child's father CAN make it difficult for you to move a significant distance away from him as it would hinder his ability to have a relationship with his child. Many divorce settlements and custody agreements include a section where parents agree not to move further than a certain distance away with the child to allow both parents to have a relationship with the child. A judge MAY favor your child's father in that instance and not necessarily give him full custody, but may issue an injunction preventing you from moving until another hearing is scheduled or until you two come to an agreement on your own terms.
@ohheavenlyday: well, he has made is very difficult.. dragging the case on and on. We filed petition for rellocation though and it has a time limit in FL which is quickly approaching. Thats why they gave us a date that was so soon! My EX and I were never married.. We went to mediation.. but it impassed..
Ugh, I'm sorry about. Ultimately it is always better for the child if the parents can come to an agreement on their own without having to involve the courts. A judge will have to look at the totality of circumstances and what is best for the child as far as maintaining stability and a level of lifestyle the child is used to as well as balancing that with the non-custodial parent's ability to maintain a relationship with the child when it comes to making a decision.
A friend of mine has gone through this recently. She was able to relocate and the visitation order was obviously changed as a result. What helped her case was 1)a showing that her current situation was less than ideal (low paying job, etc.) and that moving would provide a more stable environment for the child (family in new town, etc.) 2)the fact that the father had missed a lot of visitation, been late on child support, and generally shown that he was not providing for the child. 3)She had come up with a lot of ways she would facilitate communication between the father and child. Suggested skyping on a regular basis, agreed to a lot of visitations right off the bat, like every spring break and three day weekend, two weeks of every month over the summer, etc.
Honestly though I think it's hard to do. My friends ex is a grade A asshole and craptastic dad and originally the judge said she couldn't move. She had to appeal it in order to be able to relocate.
@ohheavenlyday: oh, is it frowned upon if I cry in the judge's chambers? I have been really emotional (as anyone would be if they are not able to be close to their children).. and the last couple of hearings had a really difficult time keeping it together.. I managed with a huge amount of will power but I am scared that I won't be able to keep it together and I don't want anything ruining my chances...
It's an emotional situation, and in family court, judges and lawyers see it a lot. A judge won't let a mother who is obviously upset over the situation and is crying affect their judgment. But do try and be as rational and thorough as you can when explaining your position. THAT will help.
@Natalieh86: This is very scary... My ex is not a craptastic dad lol.. We are both great parents. All my family is here.. except my husband is in LA. And he is not allowed to move (military). My EX has never paid me any child support.. but he was never ordered to by the courts..
@MrsNeutrino: I know this isn't directed towards me, but I don't think crying would be a bad thing as long as it was genuine. However, be careful not to go into how your life would be negatively effected by not being able to move or whatever. Frankly, the judge doesn't care if it would break your heart not to see her as often. Focus on why it's best for the child. Best of luck to you!
@ohheavenlyday: Ok I am starting to tear up just thinking about it.. The last 2 times we had hearings I was so nervous I was literally shaking.. Will I have to answer questions? Last time...I only had to because my lawyer questioned me.. and then his lawyer did the same. Am I going to have to make my own case or will my lawyer do that for me? Could I tell you the pros of both places and maybe you could give me an honest opinion as to if you think I will get her or not?
I really, really couldn't and would be afraid to give you my opinion and have it be wrong. :( It's so subjective and done on a case by case basis that it would be impossible for me to have any of what the final judgment would be. Plus, as a mother, I personally would almost always side with a mama. (One of many reasons I am not judge material, LOL.)
I KNOW it's tough to think about; I can't even imagine having to be in that position. Just try to prepare yourself as best as you can for the court date- it's very possible you will have to answer questions, as a judge sometimes has things they'd like clarified by one or both parents. Just think over anything they might ask and have an answer prepared, and try to come up with a contingency plan if you are not allowed to relocate. Sending good thoughts your way!
@ohheavenlyday: aw thanks. I have been trying to prepare for the worst. Maybe thats why I keep getting so emotional about it. My mom and all of my friends think that I am going to get her.. but I feel like they are just saying this to appease me.. I just need an honest opinion so I am not caught off guard in the courtroom. Thank god my husband will be there the whole time..
in the state of CT absolutely. My DH's ex wife just finished up the custody part of their divorce case and she was awarded:
every other weekend (sat-sun), 2 days during the week & 3 entire weeks during the summer, and 1/2 of each of his school vacations. With 0 financial obligation to her own child. Thats right, 0. zero. nothing. at all. forever.
Not so bad? She has major clinical depression. She moved out of their house more than 2 years ago and left their child behind. She owns 5 cats and lives in a 1 bedroom apartment. She is on disability, has fallen asleep in the bathtub COUNTLESS times, has been hospitalized for suicide attempts numerous times over the past 9 years, cannot function when she has a simple head cold - literally, cannot get out of bed. She doesn't drive, She pays their child to vacuum her rug and clean her cat box (isn't there warnings on kitty litter that say DO NOT let children handle??)Has had shock treatments, speaks freely to their child about the play-by-play of her illnesses, shock treatments, medications, appointments, therapies, med changes, doctors, etc.
My husband and I have residential custody of this child. He is an RN with a masters degree, has a mortgage, has NEVER been away from this child for more than a week and has done 98% of the caretaking for this kid since the day he was born.
Now I realize there are 2 sides to every story and I wasn't in the picture until 18 months ago. However, I have read this woman's diaries because she left MOST of her stuff here when she left. I have been to every attorney meeting, every court appearance, I even answer the texts and emails she sends to him. My husband has the phone on speaker every time she calls or he has to call her and I listen to their conversations. I drop their kid off at her apartment, pick him up, go to every school function, tuck him in at night and wake up with him every morning.
But SHE gets to spend time with him without ANY financial or emotional obligation. sickening.
FYI, the answer to the question you are asking varies massively on a state-by-state basis. I would be very wary of extrapolating from peoples' experiences in other states. Most, but not all, states have abolished maternal custody presumptions for unmarried parents. This article has a state-by-state summary in its appendix. According to it, CA law specifically prohibits judges from considering the parent's sex in making custody decisions. But your lawyer should know the CA law better than any of us.
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Hello bees,
I am just wondering if any of you have experience with custody.. I am wondering if the courts still favor mothers or if that is a thing of the past..
thanks
EDIT: I am not looking for judgment or debates on weather or not I am right or wrong. I am just looking for advise and support. thanks again