(Closed) Are my feelings of anxiety and fear normal or is this a red flag?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are my feelings a bad sign?
    Yes, you should really do something about it : (7 votes)
    41 %
    No, it's likely cold feet : (6 votes)
    35 %
    Possibly (please explain) : (4 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I really think you need to talk to him about how you’re feeling.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It doesn’t sound like the problem is him, or that you don’t love him. It sounds like your life is kind of in a rut. That happens. I think you should talk to him about it, and I think you should come up with some ideas how to spend time together and have a more active social life. (One of the best things for our relationship, I’ve discovered, is when we go for walks. Even if we just walk to the grocery store for milk together, because it’s a chance to connect and talk without all the distractions.)

    Post # 6
    Member
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It sounds like you need to develope your life outside if your relationship.

    Friends, hobbies, volunteering, sports, classes etc.

    You sound like you’re not only in a rut but perhaps bored from the easy-goingness of your fI.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @axeyourmakeupkit:  +1

    It’s hard to make friends as you get older, but it’s not impossible. Do you work outside the home?  if so, try to start thinking of after work activities like happy hour or sporting events, and get a group together.  Take some classes at your local community college.  Mingle.  You’ll build more relationships outside of your fiance, which will not only help keep you entertained while the two of you are apart, but also breathe new life into your relationship.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @violet25:  Is it possible that you’re just lonely and bored and need a way to occupy your time?

    I admit that when I’m alone, my paranoid thoughts do increase. About anything really. I just am a worrier – always have been, always will. I try to keep myself occupied and distract myself when I find the anxious thoughts are coming on.

    Do you have a lot of friends/interests outside of him? If you’re relying solely on him for your happiness, this isn’t good.

    I have a sense that either he’s a workaholic or you don’t have a job. If you don’t work, can you get a job or volunteer or something?

    I think it is definitely normal to be scared about the future. Your thoughts sound a bit more negative than normal, but we all have our bad days. I’m not really sure what to tell you.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @violet25:  I kind of know what you mean. Mr. E travels a lot for work. Like sometimes he’s away as much as he is home during the month. We talk every day, at least a little, even if it’s just texting, but sometimes I just end up feeling like we’re really distant. His schedule makes it a little difficult to have a social life as a couple, too, but one of the things we do is try and hosta dinner party at least every couple of months with another couple. (This pays dividends too, because then we get invited to dinner — turns out we aren’t the only ones that have to make an effort to have a social life. 🙂

    I also learned to knit. There’s *always* a knitting group meeting in our city somewhere. I can think of three different cafes with weekly meetings, and I just saw a sign in our neighborhood library, and they’re going to have a knitting group this winter. And I started working out. When he’s home, we work out or go running or whatever together, but even when he’s not, I find I feel a lot better — not just physically, but psychologically, I don’t get as miserable/lonely/depressed/irritable. And if I’m bored, I get out the weights or go for a run. 🙂

    I still think you should talk to him about how you feel and the changes you would like to see in your lifestyle, but I found when I took positive steps toward making those changes, the need to have that conversation pretty much disappeared. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Even if you’re just experiencing these feelings when you’re alone, it’s important you talk to him about it. Realistically, if you continue to feel this way for the rest of your life are you ever going to be really happy?

    That being said, try finding things you can do by yourself that make you happy. Branch out; keep yourself busy. However, you should try to figure out how you can be comfortable by yourself, as well.

    Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I sort of feel like you guys need to work out these feelings before marriage. I don’t see my husband hardly at all during the week and weekends are definetly hit or miss as to if we have an awesome time together or if it’s just the same old same old or if we get on eachothers nerves….but I don’t go to bed at night feeling unhappy unless we’ve been fighting…and I don’t mind the same old, same old…I actually have grown to love downtime…wether we are snuggled up watching movies or he’s in the garage working on his hobbies and I”m in the office studying….It doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t matter.

    I think you gotta dig a little deeper here and find out if there’s more than meets the eye to this anxiety. Basically, you need to figure out if you really want to marry him. 

    The topic ‘Are my feelings of anxiety and fear normal or is this a red flag?’ is closed to new replies.

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