Post # 1
We don’t believe in marriage in the traditional sense. We already have commitment -we live together, have pets etc and we love each other.
We want to marry for the legal rights a married couple have. (Not for immiragration purposes btw, we are both UK Born) We want protection in case one of us dies or say if my career takes me abroad my OH can follow. Also, I HATE my maiden name AND checking single on forms when I’m not!
Are they strange reasons for getting married? I know a lot of traditional people would say we don’t deserve to marry because we aren’t taking it seriously. Anyone else out there like us and want the legal benefits?
Post # 3
To my mind your already married, or at least doing all the things a marriage should have. Commitment, shared interests, love. Why not make it legal. My cousin and his wife were the same, they didnt want to get married because of weddings and bad marriages in their family history. But lived together, shared incomes, had kids. It made sense to make it leagal for all the reason you state. Nobody thought any worse of them…..except Nan, who was a bit put out that she wasnt told for 18 months that they had done it…….and me…..because I missed out on a party! 😉
Post # 4
None of those are bad reasons to get married. I know it makes life a whole lot easier now that DH and I have to deal with hospitals a lot. However, there’s no reason why you can’t change your name whether or not you are married and quite honestly, ticking “single” on boxes is something it never occurred to me to be bothered about.
Whatever reasons behind you getting married are your business, not anyone else’s to judge but in my opinion it is probably better to want to get married because you want to be married and treat the benefits as just that. Benefits that handily accrue from marriage. If I hadn’t wanted to get married to DH then no amount of legal benefits would have persuaded me otherwise.
Post # 5
@Jeo4500: I didn’t realize your reasons would be construed as odd at all. Marriage is a significant legal undertaking.
Sure, love and passion and blah blah are fine and dandy, but you won’t be thinking about passion when submitting your significant other’s will to the court for certification, only to realize that the residue of the estate will pass to his 3rd cousin over his common law spouse of 40 years.
My FI and I were perfectly happy living together until we realized just what legal protections apply to what we consider common law/cohabiting spouses and what protections apply to legally married spouses. On that basis, we decided to marry.
Post # 6
@Jeo4500: Legal protections are EXTREMELY important. Marriage, in a traditional sense, really is a legal contract. Only in the past couple centuries has marriage become about love. It’s really a quite post-modern view of marriage.
If you guys are already committed to each other, and you just want the legal benefits of marriage, then that is an absolutely great reason to get married.
Post # 7
@Steampunkbride: Well, OH is the man I want to spend my life with so not having marriage benefits can be annoying.
Post # 8
@Jeo4500: Then you’ve probably answered your own question. He’s the man you want to spend your life with so get married and enjoy the benefits!
Post # 9
To me, there’s two types of marriage: the legal kind and the spiritual kind
Quite a few people have both, but one does not preclude the other.
Post # 10
@Jeo4500: When rubber meets the road, legal marriage is a piece of paper. It sounds like the two of you already have the love and commitment that makes marriage…well, marriage. If you were marrying someone you don’t love just to get something out of it legally, then I’d say you were making a mockery of it.
My love and commitment to my husband would be the same whether we had the piece of paper or not. Legal marriage was important to us for various reasons, but I would never assume another couples long term relationship wasn’t as serious as mine just because they lacked the paper saying it is.
Post # 11
There’s nothing wrong with that. My fiance and I are functionally married – we’re committed, we bought a house together, never having children, etc. But we wanted the legal protection that marriage would give us, both financially and medically (hospital visits, decision making, etc). Obviously, we love each other, and the formalizing of the commitment is great! But it was as much a practical decision as an emotional one.
Post # 12
In your shoes, I’d just do a small coutrhouse wedding.
Maaaaybe invite some family/friends to dinner after (since people like to celebrate) (That is the wedding I would have LIKED to have, but with more BBQ sauce. FI wanted a big wedding, and he got it… I’ll live, “once in a lifetime” and all that crap.)
Or, just for fun, you can elope and skip the party! Vegas, Eureka Springs AK, Portland, whatever (if you’re in the states). I think that would be a fun way to celerate making it official. 🙂
Anyway, apart from the whole “being in love” thing, your reasons are the exact same reasons as mine! I want legal benefits for both of us.
Post # 13
To me, weddings are a way to pubilcly declare your love and commitment to each other. Whether you’ve done that in private already or not you still haven’t done it on a public platform. So in that sense you are doing it for the traditional reasons. Now everyone will know about the commitment you’ve already made to eachother.
Post # 14
@Jeo4500: It’s exactly how we view marriage and why we chose to get married. A marriage is a legal contract between two parties meant to build and protect assets and patrimony. Yes, there’s a sentimental dimension to it and it’s equally important, but at the end of the day, wether you had the wedding extravaganza of the decade or a small intimate courthouse wedding, we’re all pretty much doing it to celebrate the fact we’ve signed official papers. 😉 At least in a non-religious standpoint.
ETA : we decided to have a ”wedding” in the traditional frame (ceremony, reception) because we wanted to celebrate with our families and we wanted our families to meet. But since it wasn’t that *important* to us to have a wedding (it’s not a dream we’ve cherished for years or anything), we are doing it on a budget because other projects are more important to us, and we prefer to save our money for those projects. It was our compromise, so to speak, because my initial instinct was to elope.
Post # 15
@Jeo4500: I think if you are already taking the committment part seriously, then you are taking marriage seriously, even if it is not 100% necessary for you. I do have a problem with people that get married as a joke, or to make a statement, because that is totally disrespecting the idea of marriage.
Post # 16
Doesn’t sound strange to me.
What are you “not taking seriously”??