Are partners from divorced families less desireable?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve read that people whose parents are divorced are more likely to get divorced themselves.  So, there is some truth to that….although that was incredibly rude to bring up during the reception speeches!!!

That said, both my parents and FIs are divorced.  I’d be incredibly offended if someone implied I wasn’t a good marriage candidate becasue my parents are divorced.

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Sharebear:  I’m pretty sure there are studies on it that indicate children with divorced parents are also more likely to end up divorced.  As a child of divorce and divorcee myself, I can definitely say that having divorced parents does make getting a divorce slightly more acceptable.  It is important to me that my current FI’s parents are still married but apparently things are not perfect in paradise so still being married doesn’t always mean their parents are happy.

Post # 5
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Sharebear:  I’ve never heard anyone say that before. I would love FI regardless of whether or not his parents are divorced. The fact that someones parents got divorced has nothing to do with them or the relationship. Your relationship is not your parents relationship and the fact that they are married/divorced will not predict the outcome of your marriage. So I do find that a little odd.

Post # 6
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

Seems a little rude to bring up because I think you really could offend many people in the room. However, it’s not the first time I have heard someone say something along these lines. I think a more tactful way to put it is to mention how long the parents have been married, how they’re an inspiration to the couple etc…rather than mention divorce etc.

FI’s parents are divorced after a 30 year marriage and my parents are still happily married at 32 years together. I sure didn’t find FI less desirable after finding out his parents were divorced.

Post # 7
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is the rudest thing ever.  My sister once dumped a man on the spot who told her she was form a “broken home”

Post # 8
3197 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Sharebear:  She sounds like an odd ducky and I kinda wish bad on her.  LOL, sorry but that’s how I feel.

Post # 9
6948 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Sharebear:  I think it’s odd to say, but I see the point. We learn what’s “normal” in relationships from what we see around us and mostly from our parents. So if your parents are divorced, that might seem more normal to you than someone whose parents are NOT divorced. Personally, I would be impressed not JUST with parents who didn’t divorce, but who had a healthy, loving relationship. I mean, I know plenty of older couples who aren’t divorced but seem to hate each other!

Post # 10
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yikes I find that so inappropriate and condescending! My parents are divorced and I don’t feel like that makes me any more succeptible to divorce myself. If anything it made me more picky, and even more afraid of settling down with the wrong person. There may be some truth to it scientifically/numbers speaking. But still, completely inappropriate, insensitive and weird thing to say outloud especially among mixed company! Totally a face palm moment.

Post # 11
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Sharebear:  hope not seeing as My ENTIRE family (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are all divorced.  There is basically not a single happy, lasting marriage in my family.  Here’s hoping I’ve learned from their mistakes

Post # 12
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is HILARIOUSLY inappropriate!

Post # 13
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsTVLover:  Good for her, how incredibly rude.

I sure am glad my Fi didn’t dump me after finding out my parents divorced after 24 years. 

Post # 14
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

um, that’s ridiculous and completely inappropriate. just because someone’s parents are divorced doesn’t mean they’re any less able or willing to have a happy, long lasting marriage.

Post # 15
453 posts
Helper bee

My parents are still married, my DH’s parents are still married.

We’re both on marriage #2.

So yeah, statistics schmastistics. 

Incredibly inappropriate attitude and poor choice, given the situation. 

Post # 16
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sharebear:  I will be completely honest, even if it means getting an internet smackdown. I found my DH on eHarmony, and while I would talk to guys I did find it harder to talk to them if their parents were divorced, probably becuase I didn’t understand. A lot of them had very skewed views of marriage, and it seemed too complicated to enter into a relationship with them. They would explain their Christmas routine, phone calls to each parents, and how the divorce transpired, and I was just thinking to myself that a relationship long term with any of these guys would be more work than it’s worth (family-wise).

Now, on the other side of things I was happy when I found DH AND came to find out his parents were married!. Of course I was so jaded the first few months of our relationship that I didn’t see that his parents might as well be divorced. I also didn’t see how much worse their marriage was than when a couple is already divorced.

So, honestly, yeah I had a skewed perception at first, but now after experiencing a couple who hates each other but isn’t divorced, I would almost find it easier and more stress free if they were, so if I had to go back and do this all over again I probably wouldn’t be so quick to think of divorce for all those guy’s parents such a bad thing.

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