Post # 1
FI’s parents threw us an engagement party over the weekend and we came home with lots of lovely gifts. Only a couple were off our registry though, and a few people even bought us gift cards for the places we’re registered! That seemed really weird to me, if you’re going to go to the store to buy the gift card, why not just pick up an item instead? We also got some giant ornamental dish and white towels embroidered with FI’s last initial on them (which I haven’t even decided I’m taking) and he’s far too much of a mess to use white towels.
We were very careful in picking our registry that there were items at every price point from $4.99 to $429. I would’ve much rather gotten the towels we registered for than embroidered towels we can’t return and will never use. We also got two bottles of wine and two sets of dishcloths/pots and pans with a wine print on them because FI’s family is obsessed with wine and apparently his mother neglected to tell people that we don’t drink. Ever.
Post # 3
@luluvohn: Im sorry, but no sympathy here. People took their time, money and effort to try to please you. No one is obligated to buy off your registry.
Post # 4
@luluvohn: That’s the thing about gifts – we don’t get to choose them. People can give you whatever they want or nothing at all. My theory is that it’s best to be grateful for what you did get rather than wishing for what you didn’t. I like the idea of giving gift cards and I would have done the same thing. That allows you to get what you really want off your list (and it seems you do have preferences) and I don’t have to deal with wrapping it.
Post # 6
@luluvohn: Sorry, no sympathy. You got gifts. They were thoughtful. They probably got you gift cards for the places you registered for so you could pick the items you REALLY wanted or complete sets that aren’t completed elsewhere.
Lots of people think the Mr & Mrs towels etc are cute. Not my taste but whoever gave them to you thought they were doing something nice. Personally, I shop from the registry (or get a gift card for that store) if I’m not giving cash. I’d be pretty offended if I knew someone was this ungrateful about a gift.
Besides – you registered for your engagement party expecting gifts?
Post # 7
OP, ignore the haters. I understand your’e frustrated. Sorry, it sucks.
ETA: oh, wait I missed the part that this was for an engagement party. That *is* a little odd that you registered for that, expecting gifts? Maybe the towels were deliberately given to you by someone who thought that poor taste? (as is often suggested on this website…) especially if there may have been any other etiquette faux pas that you did, like including registry info on any invites that went out? (?)
Post # 8
@MsGinkgo: They weren’t Mr. and Mrs. towels. I wouldn’t have had an issue with Mr. and Mrs. towels. They’re just towels with a giant letter “T” on them.
And we didn’t register specifically for the engagement party. We happened to have already registered because there was en event in our town and we wanted to have the information on the save the dates when we sent them out.
Post # 9
@luluvohn: I was like “Wine? That’s a great gift! Oh. Unless you don’t drink. Then you’re advertising how little you know the couple.”
Then I laughed a little. That’s pretty funny!
We also got giftcards to where we were registered–we put them towards buying our registry’s most expensive item–our ROOMBA!
And we use that more than any other registry item!
Post # 10
@BrandNewBride: Exactly! On the very rare occasions that FI and I drink (roughly twice a year) we have super low alcohol content beverages. Case in point? To celebrate our engagement last March, we both ordered Mudslides. No champagne, Mudslides. And we’ve tried to explain this to his mother every time we see her (when it’s 11 am and she’s ordering a martini) but still we end up with wine and wine-themed gifts.
Post # 11
No one is obligated to use the registry or give a gift, fine, we all understand that — but I can understand why OP would be bewildered as to why they WOULDN’T want to use it if they plan on giving a gift. I mean, it takes all the guesswork out of gift-giving. Unless there is something super fabulous and personal I know for SURE that someone would love, I’d much rather get them something they’ve requested that I know will be used. It sounds like the mentioned gift-givers were taking their own interests into account rather than the couple’s when they picked wine gifts for two non-drinkers.
Let’s be honest: unless you are a saint, despite the overwhelming gratitude you may have at receiving a gift, if it’s not something you will ever use, you will feel a bit of disappointment that the gift will go to ‘waste’. I think OP knows that this is a minor and silly complaint, but sometimes you just want to look around and ask, ‘what the heck?’
Post # 12
Guys, OP acknowledged that it was a first world rant.
I would be stoked for the gift cards but understanding of the wine print. Often engagement parties are friends of the families and not always even know the bride and groom personally. That means they can be super out of the wedding trends and not know that you’re registered anywhere particularly if the invitation didn’t address it. They clearly thought that if you were marrying into the family, you too MUST love wine.
I’d laugh about it with your FI and then just let it go.
Post # 13
@Steph01924: Yeah, I do sympathize with the OP and that’s the way I feel about gifts that are not “me.” The waste bums me out.
I have a family friend who fancies herself my “second mother” (though she’s going to have to move over now that I will have a MIL in 9 months) and is extremely generous. For instance, she took me to Switzerland, her home country, as a high school graduation present. However, on birthdays and Christmas, she usually gives the weirdest stuff. For my birthday this year she gave me a wooden watch. A watch made entirely out of wood. I have no idea what to do with it.
I’ve thrown away so many gifts like that from her over the years and it makes me sad to think of the money wasted. My family even tried to go the “let’s not do gifts for Christmas” route with her but it didn’t work because she loves giving gifts, but she would not be able to handle the criticism if we were honest. So, we just smile and write gracious thank you notes and let her enjoy the pleasure she gets out of it.
Post # 14
why the gift card hate? that was my favorite gift bc i didnt have to transport stuff around and now i can go on an amzing shopping trip post wedding
i would much rather the gift card ( also you can buy most if them in supermarkets/drug stores so they dusnt necessarily go.to.the store)
Post # 15
I totally feel you, OP. We got a ton of gift cards, which we were fine with, but we got a bunch of stuff that we didn’t need/wasn’t on our registry at all. The problem is that we live in a small apartment with a TINY kitchen, and we only registered for things that we had room for/were replacing.
Like @Steph01924 said, it’s not about oh whine whine, I didn’t get exactly what I wanted–it’s about the fact that what you were given/the money that was spent on it is going to waste. I would rather get no gift than a gift that we can’t use/will just give away.
Post # 16
@vorpalette: Exactly! And I wasn’t hating on the gift cards, it just didn’t quite make sense to me to get one for the same store where we were registered. I definitely prefer that over something we’re just going to donate or regift. I wasn’t trying to come off as a gift grubber, but if someone wanted to give us a gift I would prefer something I could actually use.