Are Registries That Complicated for People? (minor first world rant)

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@luluvohn:  Im sorry, but no sympathy here. People took their time, money and effort to try to please you. No one is obligated to buy off your registry. 

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@luluvohn:  That’s the thing about gifts – we don’t get to choose them. People can give you whatever they want or nothing at all. My theory is that it’s best to be grateful for what you did get rather than wishing for what you didn’t. I like the idea of giving gift cards and I would have done the same thing. That allows you to get what you really want off your list (and it seems you do have preferences) and I don’t have to deal with wrapping it.

Post # 6
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@luluvohn:  Sorry, no sympathy.  You got gifts.  They were thoughtful.  They probably got you gift cards for the places you registered for so you could pick the items you REALLY wanted or complete sets that aren’t completed elsewhere. 

Lots of people think the Mr & Mrs towels etc are cute.  Not my taste but whoever gave them to you thought they were doing something nice.  Personally, I shop from the registry (or get a gift card for that store) if I’m not giving cash.  I’d be pretty offended if I knew someone was this ungrateful about a gift.

Besides – you registered for your engagement party expecting gifts?

Post # 7
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oh, geez.

OP, ignore the haters. I understand your’e frustrated. Sorry, it sucks.

ETA: oh, wait I missed the part that this was for an engagement party. That *is* a little odd that you registered for that, expecting gifts? Maybe the towels were deliberately given to you by someone who thought that poor taste? (as is often suggested on this website…) especially if there may have been any other etiquette faux pas that you did, like including registry info on any invites that went out? (?)

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@luluvohn:  I was like “Wine? That’s a great gift! Oh. Unless you don’t drink. Then you’re advertising how little you know the couple.”

Then I laughed a little. That’s pretty funny!

We also got giftcards to where we were registered–we put them towards buying our registry’s most expensive item–our ROOMBA!

And we use that more than any other registry item!

Post # 11
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

No one is obligated to use the registry or give a gift, fine, we all understand that — but I can understand why OP would be bewildered as to why they WOULDN’T want to use it if they plan on giving a gift. I mean, it takes all the guesswork out of gift-giving. Unless there is something super fabulous and personal I know for SURE that someone would love, I’d much rather get them something they’ve requested that I know will be used. It sounds like the mentioned gift-givers were taking their own interests into account rather than the couple’s when they picked wine gifts for two non-drinkers.

Let’s be honest: unless you are a saint, despite the overwhelming gratitude you may have at receiving a gift, if it’s not something you will ever use, you will feel a bit of disappointment that the gift will go to ‘waste’. I think OP knows that this is a minor and silly complaint, but sometimes you just want to look around and ask, ‘what the heck?’

Post # 12
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

Guys, OP acknowledged that it was a first world rant.

I would be stoked for the gift cards but understanding of the wine print. Often engagement parties are friends of the families and not always even know the bride and groom personally. That means they can be super out of the wedding trends and not know that you’re registered anywhere particularly if the invitation didn’t address it. They clearly thought that if you were marrying into the family, you too MUST love wine.

I’d laugh about it with your FI and then just let it go.

Post # 13
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Steph01924:  Yeah, I do sympathize with the OP and that’s the way I feel about gifts that are not “me.” The waste bums me out.

I have a family friend who fancies herself my “second mother” (though she’s going to have to move over now that I will have a MIL in 9 months) and is extremely generous. For instance, she took me to Switzerland, her home country, as a high school graduation present. However, on birthdays and Christmas, she usually gives the weirdest stuff. For my birthday this year she gave me a wooden watch. A watch made entirely out of wood. I have no idea what to do with it.

I’ve thrown away so many gifts like that from her over the years and it makes me sad to think of the money wasted. My family even tried to go the “let’s not do gifts for Christmas” route with her but it didn’t work because she loves giving gifts, but she would not be able to handle the criticism if we were honest. So, we just smile and write gracious thank you notes and let her enjoy the pleasure she gets out of it.

Post # 14
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

why the gift card hate? that was my favorite gift bc i didnt have to transport stuff around and now i can go on an amzing shopping trip post wedding

i would much rather the gift card ( also you can buy most if them in supermarkets/drug stores so they dusnt necessarily go.to.the store)

Post # 15
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totally feel you, OP. We got a ton of gift cards, which we were fine with, but we got a bunch of stuff that we didn’t need/wasn’t on our registry at all. The problem is that we live in a small apartment with a TINY kitchen, and we only registered for things that we had room for/were replacing.

Like @Steph01924 said, it’s not about oh whine whine, I didn’t get exactly what I wanted–it’s about the fact that what you were given/the money that was spent on it is going to waste. I would rather get no gift than a gift that we can’t use/will just give away.

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