Post # 1
For a little bit of background, I’m not a young bride, but I don’t know if I’d call my FI and I “fully established” either. We are in our late 20s/ early 30s and the super cheap stuff we got post college is really starting to give out on us, we also do without most small appliances like a blender etc.
My FMIL hosted a small shower (9 guests) for me this past weekend and while I’m very thankful for the gifts we received I was shocked at how much it added up to. Almost every gift over $100 was given from our registry and then some. I’d say the average amount spent per person was over $200. Now granted, I did add these to the registry but I sort of thought they’d be wedding gifts, not shower gifts. I had plenty of under $25 items on the registry too.
Is FIs family just a bit extravagant or is this the new norm? Are showers getting to be too extravegent?
Post # 2
missadventure85: my immediate family members did spend around the same. Not everyone did, obviously- but my aunts did. Maybe your fiances family is just really generous & that’s the type of people that they are.
Post # 3
I think it probably depends a lot on the family. Are your FIs family like that with other holidays/special events too? My SO’s family doesn’t have much money (all blue collar, etc.), and they often just give cards to each other for holidays. My family has significantly more money, and I’d never give my parents/siblings just a card. Not because it wouldn’t be appreciated, just because I CAN afford more, and everyone else CAN afford more too. My SO was SHOCKED at the amount/quality of gifts my family gave when we started doing holidays together, but I had never though of us as being particularly extravegant.
Post # 4
A lot of people who are invited to a shower tend to buy a registry gift for the shower and give cash at the wedding. So they may have bought something nicer for the shower knowing that they would not be using the registry for the wedding gift. The shower always depends on the guests and family though. I’ve been to showers with no gifts under $100, and I’ve been to showers where the biggest gift given was $75.
Post # 5
Maybe they wanted to bring a bigger gift, to your shower, and not have to worry about hauling it to the wedding, where you might just get a nice card from them?
Post # 6
I had about 50 guests, and many gave around $150 gifts, but they’re older and can do so. I’m 21 and usually spend around $50 per shower gift.
Post # 7
i don’t think that is the new norm at all.
I am in my early 30’s. i was using a lot of hand me down stuff and registered for new stuff for my house. shower gifts i received were generally in the $30-50 range from friends. i did get some more expensive gifts from relatives.
if i were to average my gifts per person it would probably be around $60.
Post # 8
missadventure85: I had a bridal shower and the average gift was 100-150 dollars. Everyone who came to my bridal shower was a friend or family member. My registry consisted of items from 10 dollars-400 dollars so I do not think people were forced to buy something that was out of budget. My other has always been super generous to family members when they got married (I was very young when most of my cousins married since I am the baby of the fanily) so I think people were just reciprocating the generosity……..
Post # 9
A shower gift over $100 in our circle would be extravagant. I would say the average at my shower was probably about $40-$50 and I typically give in that range as all.
Post # 10
As a child/teenager, I remember attending showers with my mother. There would be 15 women max, at a family member’s home, homemade sandwiches and punch, and the gifts would be small (looking back, they probably cost at most 50$ each). I don’t know when they morphed in to these huge affairs of 50 guests at a catered venue with 200$ gifts. You would think as people live with each other before marriage with increasing frequency and get married at an older age, showers would stop being important and would be cancelled altogether….
Post # 11
missadventure85: My in-laws always throw nice showers (baby showers, wedding showers, baptisms, etc)
My MIL paid for my bridal shower, and I was shocked at how many gifts I got off my registry and on top of that gave us cash! We got a couple thousand in cash, and plus my registry. Grateful doesn’t begin to cover how much we appreciate everything. I had about 40 people at my shower, DH has a large family, and I am close with all the cousins and aunts. I sat down that night and unpacked all the gifts and wrote my thank you cards and sent them out the next day. People then thanked me for thanking them so quickly lol!
I love showers, especially when there is a registry because it makes life easier for me when I have to buy a gift. I know that I am getting them something they want!
Post # 13
Obviously it wasn’t too extravagent for your family because that’s what they chose to do. Dont look a gift horse in the mouth.
I will never get the complaining about showers… It’s not a court ordered event. Go, don’t go, spend 20, spend 200- everyone is free to make their own choices.
Post # 14
First, I think shower and wedding gifts are interchangeable. Does it really matter when you receive the gift? The point is someone gave it to you. I didn’t know people actually brought wedding presents to a wedding until recently. In my past experience, everyone brought a card with (presumably) cash or a check.
Secondly, do I think showers are becoming “excessive?” I don’t see how you could view your situation and see it as being excessive. You registered for these gifts. Family purchased you these gifts…Why all of the shock and surprise afterwards?
Also, I don’t particularly view them as being “extravagant” either. Granted, this is a wedding website, so your pool of people is going to be quite different than out in the “real world.” Here, the talk is about wedding 90% of the time, and everyone has different traditions and cultures when it comes to showers. However, I’m starting to see a trend on the Bee where all of a sudden it’s “gift grabby” to have a shower thrown in your honor and then, on top of that, to register for gifts. Where I come from, this is the norm. You register for gifts and then someone throws you a shower. No one is required to come and no one is required to purchase anything off of my registry. Half of my items are there because my FI and I want to purchase them ourselves after the wedding is over with our completion coupons, but are we hoping someone gets me my KitchenAid mixer? YES. Are we hoping someone buys us our dishes and our cutlery and our luggage? Of course! Half of these are practical items we will desperately need upon buying our house. FI and I will be starting out completely fresh. When we moved back in with my parents, instead of keeping college cutlery, plates, and glasses, we donated everything. We will need all of the things that we registered for. So if someone wants to call us gift grabby, excessive, or extravagant, go for it. I don’t believe that and neither will our family and friends.
I honestly never knew that bridal showers would be so scrutinized and picked apart. As far as your situation goes, OP, I suggest you simply be grateful and stop worrying over why family generously gave you such wonderful gifts.
Post # 15
At my shower the gifts where I could guess/knew the price of were around $40-60. People who gave cash gave between $20 and $50. I consider that very appropriate and reasonable! I would say in your case, it’s probably just a difference of the family. I’ve noticed that the value of gifts given is something that’s decided by family tradition/habit over time (taking into account current financial situation)