Post # 1
Here’s my situation. My two best friends/bridal party people (one male-Steve, one female-Anna, both are with same sex partners and engaged to them as of now) are flying out with thier fiances to my wedding. The bachelorette party will be the night before, with their travel there is no other way. We’ll go to a bar/s, but not get really drunk or anything, because of the wedding being the next day.
Are their fiances supposed to go to my bachelorette party? Honestly I would really really really prefer there not to be any couples. To me the night is supposed to be about celebrating my last night of not being married, not watching the two couples make out and sexy dance (lol) with each other. Both couples, but especially Anna and her fiancee are very publicly affectionate and it gets on my nerves to not be able to have a conversation with Anna without her staring at her partner and saying “I love you” or kissing or whatever.
Am I wrong to not want their fiances at my bachelorette party? Am I rude? Would you want an engaged couple (regardless of gender/s) at your bachelorette party? How would I even go about requesting their partners not go without sounding terrible!
Post # 3
Really? Absolutely no one has an opinion about this? Bees!!
Post # 4
@zonabee: I think if they are coming from out of town with their fiances, the SOs should be invited. I think you’re worrying too much about their “couple” behavior, and not considering the fact that if the fiances aren’t invited, they then have to sit alone in a hotel room all night? Why not include them in the night before and get to know them better?
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Well I really think that they shouldn’t, however from the perspective that your bridal party members will have to leave their SO’s all alone at the hotel having flown in, I don’t think there’s any polite way to go about not inviting them :1
Post # 6
Under the circumstances- yes.
Post # 7
So I would be correct is assuming that my fiance should be invited to their bachelor/ette parties with me?
Post # 8
Generally speaking, all the Bachelorette Parties I’ve ever known of were for a Bride and her immediate Bridal Party (or maybe some friends & family members thrown into the mix… like a Sister)
Dates (be they gay or straight) have never made the list in my mind.
BUT that said, there really aren’t any “strict rules” on what a Bachelorette Party is… can be anything from a trip to the Spa, thru to a day of Rock Climbing… to a Girl’s Weekend Away.
So WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO CELEBRATE… is what should matter the most. IMO
Hope this helps,
Post # 9
@zonabee: Only if all other partners are invited. i.e. the bachelor and bachelorette parties are the same night, and all your fiance’s hetero buddies’ female partners are going to your bachelorette, and your hetero friends’ male partners are going to the bachelor party.
Otherwise, no. Everyone else is leaving their partner back at the hotel, so Anna can do the same.
Either way, it should be the same rule for everyone.
Post # 10
I would invite their SOs b/c they flew in as a couple. If you only invite one person then the other person would just have to sit alone in a hotel room all night. You obviously care about these people (you invited them to your wedding) and they obviously care about you enough to pay for plane tickets and hotel rooms, so I don’t understand why you would want to make the person they love miserable just because you don’t like how PDA-y they are.
Post # 11
Um, no. I’ve always viewed bachelor/bachelorettes as the bridal party + a handful of very close others. Yeah, bigger ones exist with less close friends, but I think it is hardly weird or rude to not have SOs. I’ve honestly never heard of FIs coming to a bachelor/bachelorette.
Post # 12
Isn’t it up to the ‘hosts’ of the party to invite whoever they want? I don’t think there are actually rules about this sort of thing…
You say they are your 2 best friends. Is Steve also close to Anna? Maybe you can put the bug in Steve’s ear to tell Anna to cool it on the PDA for one night. Otherwise, since they are flying in w/ the fiances, it’s only polite to invite everyone.
Post # 13
@zonabee: I don’t think you’re putting it fairly. You’re not having a bachelorette party a few weeks beforehand where your friends can leave their SO’s at home. You’re making it part of the wedding festivities by putting it the night immediately before the wedding. That’s an entirely different ballgame. I’m actually in favor of inviting not only the same-sex SO’s, but also the hetero SO’s should be given the chance to go the respective parties as well if they had to travel to get there. Or you can arrange for all the SO’s to get together separately, but SOMETHING should be done for them if you already are planning something where it will leave them alone in a hotel with nothing to do.
Post # 14
Normally I would say no but given the circumstances I think they have to be invited. What are they meant to do if they aren’t invited? I just can’t see how you can’t let them come without causing problems and to be honest I don’t think it’s worth the risk.
Post # 15
Steve, Anna, and I have all been friends since high school, all of our fiancees could hang out with any of us/our fiancees and be cool. In other words, I guess I was hoping that Steve’s fiance and Anna’s fiancee would hang out with each other (at the hotel, at a restaurant, at whatever) during the (probably short since my wedding is the next day) bachelorette party.
I just don’t want to be the only person there who is not with their SO. I have no issues with those people, I just don’t think a bachelorette party should be a couples event.
If my fiance was invited to a bachelor party, I would never assume I was invited, even if we did travel. Would you? Why is this different?
Post # 16
I think it’s your bachelorette party, and you should absolutely not have to invite any SO’s if you don’t want to (which I wouldn’t either). As for the fact that it’s the night before the wedding, I think the SO’s should either find something else to do or simply suck it up and realize the night isn’t about them. Bachelor/bachelorette parties are about spending a last night away from significant others before you tie it down! I think having partners there would definitely put a damper on that.
I went with my fiance to a wedding where he was a groomsmen, and there was no rehearsal dinner the night before. So even though they’d already had a bachelor party, all the groomsmen got together again and rented a limo for dinner and drinks. Not only was I not invited, but it never even occurred to me that I might be. Additionally, if I had heard of any other SO’s tagging along, I would’ve thought they were seriously codependent and rude! It wasn’t about me, so I hung in the hotel room and enjoyed a quiet night away from home – no problem!
Edit: Also, I get that it’s not ideal having it the night before the wedding and excluding OOT guests, but it sounds like the whole reason it’s that night anyway was so that your bridal party wouldn’t have to travel twice. I really think their SO’s should appreciate that everyone is having to compromise their enjoyment for the situation (them spending a night entertaining themselves and you having to limit your party because it’s the night before the wedding!).