Post # 1
I just feel like My fiancés family is not as supportive as mine and I don’t know if that’s the Norm for all couples? I always hear my co worker talking about “ oh my mother in law made us this for the wedding” or my other friend who’s mother in law bought her wedding dress. Oh by no means would this apply to them being supportive financially because my fiancé and are paying for the wedding ourselves meaning we didn’t ask anyone for money. I just feel like they could care less about this huge step their brother/son is about to take. Just last week I thought that maybe his sister was being unsupportive because I hadn’t included her or something? So I send her a message asking her what she was doing because I wanted to go look at linens. She messaged me hours later apologizing for not having text me earlier but she didn’t ask like ‘did you already go look .. Or how did they turn out etc”. So I just dropped it and went to look at linens alone. When I was in cloud 9 about my dress .. She just said “oh” when I showed her a picture of it. I also messaged her about what I would like her kids to wear( my ring bearers) and she was like “I will concentrate on this in June when im done with school” ( My weddings in Sep) so June is still plenty of time I just thought she kind of blew me off. It just kind of sucks that my parents are over here helping me find my table cloths .. My sis and my mom want to pitch it to get us dancing lessons.. My dad wants to record our entire wedding himself ( since we didn’t include that in our budget) Is this how it is with everyone else where only your side seems to me involved and excited and his side is like whatever?? It kind of hurts because according to my fiancé “they love me” gosh can you imagine if they hated me lol jk! I guess I would just want his side pumping him up about this wedding just like my family is L …
Post # 3
Girl you are NOT alone… FMIL will burst my bubble on EVERYTHING!!!!! We too are paying for everything ourselves and have not asked them for a dime… SO I quit telling her stuff 🙂 lol – it’s a lot less stressful that way. I just share my excitement with other people who truely care 🙂
Post # 4
I think it just depends on different families and cultures. I got lucky, my in laws were very supportive and wanted to know what was going on with the planning process at all times.
I have a friend who also had your issue though, her family was over the moon with planning and his family just didn’t seem to care as much. But she did realize that it wasn’t that they didn’t care, they just didn’t show it the same outward way as her family.
Post # 5
I get the feeling all the time that my future in-laws think our wedding is a waste of time and money. There hasn’t been a non-courthouse wedding in their family in almost 30 years. It’s disappointing. But I just try not to take it personally and move on. Still, I wish they cared.
Post # 6
My in-laws really like me and approve of us getting married and everything, but they haven’t been involved in the whole wedding planning process. I think it really just depends on the family and the way they handle things; don’t take it personally. Just because they aren’t getting involved in planning doesn’t meant they aren’t excited. They also may be trying to give you space so you can have your dream wedding.
Post # 7
I think my FMIL is more excited than my mom is. My moms great but my FMIL is constantly asking me about our plans and wants to be involved. I definitely lucked out in the future IL department. I know a lot of people got stuck with complete assholes for inlaws.
Post # 8
@artbee: Yeah i guess you are right.. i mean his Mom is not an emmotional lovey- dovey type of woman.. But his sis is and thats what hurts me! Makes me wonder if at the end of the day… they dont really want him to marry me? She is going through some bitter times with her husband ( talking divorse) just sucks she seems to be taking it out on us. i.e.. we were all watching a movie when she was like ” thats so fake .. no guy ever loves his girlfriend that much” .. 🙁
Post # 9
I think it depends on the family. In our case, his family are probably more involved than mine. My family tend to keep each other at a bit of a distance emotional, his rely on each other a bit more. Or something – it’s hard to explain…
Post # 10
mine’s the other way around. My brother in law & sister in law already refer to me as “sister” and my father in law is contributing financially to the wedding.
My mom & dad are less than thrilled – in fact, my dad is currently bitching how he’s going to be cold and I can’t even talk about any wedding details with my mom. sigh.
Post # 11
@UpstateCait: Although the engagement has yet to happen, my BF let me know that his mother is really excited for us and is looking forward to being involved in the wedding planning. I’m not sure how my mom will react… it will be interesting! My mom was not overly emotional at her wedding, as far as I know from the stories, so I’m guessing it will be more of a strategical thing than an overjoyed thing. *shrugs*
Post # 12
I think it all depends on the family. My FMIL and FSIL
s have been really good with everything. She came with us dress browsing and has taken interest in the planning and talked about throwing me a shower but not as extensive as my side. I think it is because they arent really contributing financially where as my parents are giving us a fair amount of money.
I kind of wish they were a little less excited! Too much pressure on me! haha
I`m sure they will come around, and sometimes people show their happiness in other ways!
Post # 13
I too think it depends on the family.I lucked with with great FIL’s. My FMIL has offered to help out with a lot, just not where finances are concerned because they aren’t in the position to help, which is totally fine with me, their support is more than enough.
In my situation, it’s my mother that doesn’t care. I showed her my ring, “Oh, that’s nice. It actually looks real, but it is a little small.” She’s done nothing but tell me how much she doesn’t like FH.
I don’t think I’d mind my FIL’s being less supportive if my family was a little more supportive.
Post # 14
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. My FMIL is super involved and supportive, but my FSIL is not at all. She hasn’t shown an ounce of support for our relationship and has in fact told my fiance that we are going to break up, or that our relationship isn’t worth it, or other things like that, when she herself hasn’t had a relationship last longer than 6 months. It’s so frustrating, and I really don’t know why she would think that. I mean yes we fight like all couples do but we have never had a long-term rough patch or had a fight serious enough that we contemplated ending the relationship.
However, you did mention something about your FSIL being in school, and being a student myself I know how unbelievably stressful that is! To be honest, if my brother was getting married and his fiance was trying to get me involved, I can’t honestly say I would care or try too much to be involved, because I simply don’t have the time.
I understand that you’re frustrated right now, and that’s definitely understandable. I would say just be thankful that you have a supportive family who is involved and try not to let it bother you too much. After all, at the end of the day, it’s about the love you and your fiance share.
Post # 15
This must be normal. My FMIL and FFIL never said congratulations (maybe to FI over the phone) but not to me personally. The wedding is in their town so I thought great, they can help me figure out things… especially since they’re caterers. Nope. FMIL told me a few places to look for venues, but her excitement was underwhelming as she told me. We also went through a spat because we thought they wanted to enjoy the wedding instead of cater themselves. Wrong assumption. They were totally pissed. Once we figured that out, they are catering… however it’s like pulling teeth to get them to talk about food or anything wedding related. They keep saying, “Oh it’s too soon to talk about this stuff”, though I’ve only had 6 months total to plan. Now that it’s 2.5 months away they says, “Oh, we’ll be less busy once school ends and can talk about it more”. Uh, ok. So we’ll talk about it when I have a month left. Thanks for the excitment… but I’m already done planning. Oh well!
Post # 16
My family is also the other way around. My mom never, ever asks about how my wedding planning is going or cares at all. I asked her to get me some addresses months and months ago and she still hasn’t. She never expressed any interest in going to look at dresses with me either.
Luckily, my stepmom is super excited and helping me out soooo much. I am lucky to have her. Also, my fiance’s side of family including his mom especially is super super involved. She is helping me out with save the dates, invites, location of wedding, looking for a dress. They help alot. Both my dad and fiance’s parents are helping us pay too.
I am sad my mom doesn’t care but I am happy to have alot that do care so I guess as long as you have support and care from somebody than you just have to remember that. I know that it sucks though, but as I have learned, you just can’t dwell on it.