Post # 1
I am engaged to my FI, we have been for a little over 6 months. While we have been together we have not broken up, and I love him. We moved in together very quickly (after a couple of months; my family was moving out of state so it was the only option we liked). He is about 13 years older which only started to bother me a little bit a month or two ago. A little over a year after we started dating, he proposed and I was thrilled. I was the one that encouraged the engagement. Almost immediately after we got engaged I started having anxiety. I have a history of anxiety and depression so I know that it is possible that it is just a part of that.
I get anxious behind the wheel, in stressful situations and so on so I know that it is not just the relationship. This man is loving, sweet, hardworking, he cooks, cleans, hes understanding, and he cannot wait to have children. The only issue that I have is that I don’t know if the sexual attraction is there. I enjoy kissing him but when it comes to sex I have more of an “eh” feeling. We are both a little bit overweight and we have recently started working out and eating healthier-i have body image issues as well so I don’t know if it’s that I don’t feel sexy or what. He has started reading books about it and has become better but I just find that I’m not as attracted to him as I should be.
My question-is this a dealbreaker or am I being crazy? I know that attraction fades, it just freaks me out that I don’t want to jump his bones. When we have sex it is okay but not great. I am just looking for some guidance, I am a little bit confused. Thank you!
Post # 2
Feeling sexually attracted to your spouse is very important. You really need to identify if it is your body image issues holding you back or if it is him. Have you ever felt sexually attracted to any of the men you have been with?
Post # 3
Unfathomably: I have but I was much thinner then. I was single for about 2 years before I started dating my FI and in that time I gained about 40 pounds so it was a lot of weight and it made me feel uncomfortable.
Post # 4
DCbee821: Hello! I think that all women at some point is her worse critic, im sure that you are over reacting and your fiance loves you just the way you are. its sounds like he is a great man and hes a keeper. i think that you two are on the right track with getting in shape together. just keep doing what you are doing and maybe the end results will change your doubts
Post # 5
Anxiety and depression can diminish your enjoyment of sex and make you question everything in general… it’s normal to feel like you’re not enjoying it as much when you’re stressed and anxious in general. I think working out together is a great idea.. it’ll help your stress levels and help you feel better about yourself in general, which will lead to better sex.
I’m very happily married but the sex with my DH was never as ”amazing” as with some of my previous boyfriends. However he’s such a great guy in every other respect that this isn’t really a big deal. Also, with time it keeps getting better and better. Sometimes it just takes a while of getting to know what the other person likes, etc, and it’s something you can work on.
I wouldn’t overthink it at this point, just give it time.
Post # 6
Have you considered counseling? Sexual problems tend to be quite amenable to therapy.