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Hello Hive,
I am hoping you can all offer me your honest opinions. My FI and I are having a little over 200 people at our wedding. Unfortunately neither his family or mine can afford to help and so we are going to pay for everything ourselves.
I have read many magazines and bridal books that say having a cash bar is tacky and that no guest should have to pay for a drink at a wedding. FI and I were going to put a certain amount of money down on the bar and once it's up, it would turn to cash but after reading all these things, I'm starting to feel extremely cheap. I wouldn't want people to feel insulted or think badly of us because we didn't open the bar all night.
We definitely want there to be alcohol and for people to be able to drink but our crowd likes to party and enjoys a good wedding so we know we won't be able to afford them in respect to drinking. I can't do just wine and beer because I don't drink either (vodka tonic is really my beverage of choice). Do you think it's horrible of us to only have open bar for a limited time? It should definitely make it through cocktail hour and possibly a little over.
Thanks - please feel free to be brutally honest!
Yes... I think it's tacky. You are the party hosts. No one likes attending a party they have to pay for drinks (although, it's understandable and no one will hate you forever).
To save on money, why don't you serve beer and wine and ONE signature drink you'll enjoy. That way, you save money and everyone will be happy.
Not at all! That is what we are doing as well. People shouldn't expect to have open bar at weddings. They will have fun regardless of open bar. I think the time consumption is the next best thing.
We are in Boston also, and in the same boat. Only worse...we are questioning if we can even afford the one hour open bar. I feel terrible about it. We might change our minds on the hour, but no way we could ever do an all night open bar. Also, we do not want to be responsible for the people who may not make the best transportation choices after. Adding open bar all night may also requiring providing transportation afterwards to a hotel. (Another thig we can't afford).
People are going to talk. It is definately not the popular choice as far as guests are concerned. We just have no other alternative.
I agree with Oracle. I mean, you wouldn't charge people for drinks in your home. Wine, beer and a signature drink or two would be the best way to cut down on costs and still get you a vodka tonic 
Brutal honesty? I think people will tell you it's okay to have a cash bar, but I bet more than a few of your guests will grumble about it. Period.
I really think this depends on the part of the country you live in. Have you thought about hosting wine and beer, and then letting guests (and you) pay for liquor if they want that?
no i dont think so but I could be bias because i am getting married. some ppl will but you know what? its your wedding, and its what you can afford and im sure your venue will provide tea or coffee and they want to indudgle in some alcohol, they should be able to fork over some money for it
but really any wedding i have gone to, i probably got at max 2 drinks
A lot of people have some really strong opinions re: cash bars, and while I am doing an open bar, it is only because thankfully my parents are paying and are in a position where that is a possibility. I don't think it's right to judge people for not having a full open bar because it is expensive and not everyone can afford to do that, especially given the number of guests you'll have. The words "cheap" and "tacky" are thrown around a lot and I don't like that. It's insulting and inappropriate. You are NOT cheap or tacky because you don't have the budget for a full night of open bar and don't let anyone or any stupid magazine make you feel that way!
I think doing an open bar for your cocktail hour and then a cash bar is totally fine - as long as people are aware that they will need to have cash on hand. Do that by word of mouth or a wedding web site, though, not on invitations. I rarely carry cash and I've been caught in cash bar situations where I've just bummed money for liquor off people all night - talk about cheap & tacky!
I agree with Oracle on the idea of a certain drink all night instead if that is possible for you? Like a certain beer and wine and all else is cash? If you think about it, your mixed drinks and such will rack up your free period where less expensive options like beer/wine can last much longer! Just do what you can and enjoy your big day! :)
Yes, I agree. Please do not use the words cheap and tacky. No bride wants to be told anything she is doing at her wedding is cheap or tacky. Especially when the choice is between an open bar or a honeymoon!
I feel for you. Honestly, I don't care for cash bars, but I empathize for people who struggle to pay for all the things they feel are important.
1. Can you cut down the guest list at all? 200 is a lot. If you are paying, you parents can't force you to invite their golf buddies or high school friends you haven't met.
2. Is there anyway, to cut costs of the wedding anywhere else?
3. Don't be afraid to offer wine and beer. You might not drink it, but a lot of your guests probably do. And it would be cheaper to do that and pay a little extra for your own drinks, than to just do an open bar. You could aslo do a signature drink.
3. If you have a limited bar, you could have it open during the cocktail hour, then for some length of time after dinner. Skip having it during dinner.
Other than that, what can you do? It would probably be worse for you to cut out people you really want there, just so the ones who didn't get "kicked off the island" could have free drinks. Hopefully your guests will understand. Who knows if they'll get the idea from the invitations that you're throwing your own party?
Agreed with kittyachi -- don't like "cheap" or "tacky" being thrown around...very rude, even to yourself!
You know, I've only been to a few weddings were there was anything other than beer and wine and you pay for mixed drinks. I'm in KS so maybe things are different here. I certainly never expect unlimited drinks of whatever I want. I understand I'm going to a wedding, not a bar.
You can always just have beer and wine.
please don't call yourself cheap or tacky. that's a really tough situation and clearly you feel very badly about it. i know you said you don't drink beer/wine, but the beer/wine/signature cocktail might be a good way to go. and having the open bar just during cocktail hour and having people pay for any drinks after that is not a bad idea. yes some people will grumble but what, can you be the only person in the world having a wedding with a cash bar for part of the event? whatever.
my friend recently went to a dry wedding (for religious reasons, i think) and the bride passed around the word beforehand to her friends to bring their own flasks of booze. of course that may not be your first preference, but i thought the bride was doing as well as she could in that situation.
hopefully your guests will know you well enough to understand that you're in a financial situation that doesn't allow all the generosity that you would like to offer, and give you a break.
Beer and wine is a good option, too. Granted you drink V&Ts (so do I - you've clearly got good taste ), but I've always found that a lot of the male guests are drinking beer for the most part anyway. There are always going to be some haters if you don't have an open bar - that's just the way it is - but if you did beer & wine then really, what is there to complain about?
For all the people that use the "If you had a party at your house would you expect people to pay for their drinks" argument - if I had a party at my house and had beer and wine but didn't have a fully stocked bar and mixers, would you complain about it?
If the bar closes when the tab is up, what happens to people who didn't get a chance to grab a drink yet?
I don't like beer or wine all that much either (I also prefer vodka tonics), but I'm only having a beer/wine bar because it's more economical... I can deal with not having my favorite drink for one night. But if you must have hard liquor, you can do a one hour open bar or something like that (if your venue provides liquor, they might consider charging by the hour per head rather than by consumption, which solves the problem of the bar closing at a random time).
I've seen a lot of weddings where beer/wine was open and cocktails were closed. I don't love the idea, but it's not terrible if you make sure to get the word out so that people are sure to have cash on them if they want to take part. I'd just hate to be surprised.
You have a lot of opinion on this already, and this is definitely a touchy subject, but I wanted to give my two cents :)
I think opinions on cash bars is a regional thing. For example, I'm from NY, and I was raised that if you host a party, you cover everyone's food and drink, including alcohol. If I had a cash bar at our wedding, it would be really taboo. However, I've discovered that in other areas, cash bars are just what people do.
I would advise against putting a certain amount of money down for the bar, specifically because of what someone already said: what if the tab runs out and someone hasn't gotten a drink yet? With 200 people, that could easily happen.
Are drink tickets an option? I've heard of that before as well, where the bride and groom will limit one liquor drink per person, but beer and wine is on the house.
What about just beer and wine, as others have suggested? Even if you provide a limited number of drinks, as long as people don't have to pay for them, who cares what you have?
Just be prepared for cristicisms about the size of your guest list. Some people might be miffed that you invited so many people and then skimped on the booze (like I said, a touchy subject for some people). But at the end of the day, do what's right for you.
Weddingbee has really made me realize how regional this is. In the northern midwest, this is NOT a big deal, so of course, I'd tell you, who cares? People are going to come prepared with cash to your wedding. I always do, to every wedding I go to. Most will have beer and wine hosted, but not all, and I honestly don't care.
But I see you're in Boston, and it may be different. Take a cue from the weddings in your area. Even if you don't like beer and wine, most people do, and if you just offer those things, that's totally fine. Or, like others said, pick a signature drink to add to it. Just do what you can, your guests will understand if you're on a budget.
Honest? Yes, I think it's horrible. I would cut back on other things before having a cash bar.
The people that are coming to your wedding aren't coming to drink free alchohol [hopefully!], so even if they grumble ... it's not going to ruin their night! I think the best advice it to put an FYI on your website and just let it go. Don't stress! I agree with other posts that it's harsh to call something as costly as this tacky or cheap. Also ~ for the comment about charging guests in your home, of course not ... but if I have 200 people to my house, I might ask them to bring a bottle of wine to share!! :)
Is there a way that rather than putting a certain amount of money up, you could pay for a certain amount of time? One of the (very few) cash weddings we've been to the families paid for an open bar during cocktail hour, but as soon as dinner was served it switched over. It gave the DJ a way to announce that it was a) partly funded and b) going to be a cash bar. I'm an open bar (or free beer/wine) proponent, but that seems like at least a gracious compromise. And warn people ahead of time so they know to stop at the ATM.
I am struggling with the same question. I have come to the conclusion that there is no reason for us to give up paying for something like our honeymoon in order for a few people to be able to drink all they want. The majority will enjoy the hour or so of drinks, food, dancing, and be happy. There will always be someone to complain. If it isn't the bar then it'll be their seating, the food choice, wait between ceremony and reception, etc. Make sure you have what you want within your means and be content with that.
Oh boy, please don't fret. My feeling is, if they love you and are there for you, then they will understand. Honestly, you are doing what you can to provide an open amount of time and after that, they yeah, people can take care of it. I think it's ridiculous to compare it to a party at home, it's not. My sister served beer and wine at her wedding and people STILL complained because there wasn't a liquor option available. Get over it! I think that's extremely rude. As a guest you are eating there, you are celebrating, it's not to get free alcohol and get tanked. If that's all the people are there for then they shouldn't be there and stay home--their reason for being there is not where it should be.
Don't worry. Do what you want. If people complain then handle the situation depending on the person. If they are really rude point out you offered it free while you could and then that's it. Or you could say the venue states that's the policy. Don't worry.
We are doing beer and wine only- cash for liquor. I think really you have to look at your guest list and go from there. Most of my family/friends wouldn't think twice about having a cash bar but some of FI family/friends would be more shocked. I think though that you shouldn't not go on a honeymoon so that people can drink all night. Definitely see if your venue offers the ticket option. That makes sure that everybody gets one free drink and if they don't want theirs they can give it to someone else! Good luck!!
My lord some people have some strong opionons on here about cash bars. Where I am from, in OHIO, we dont care. It is NOT tacky, rude or horrible. Really? Is it that bad you have to cry about it? What if you do a open bar and hardly anyone drinks? What then? Cash bar is fine, I have been to them and never complained. Open bar for a certain time, never a problem with the weddings I have been too. First come first serve and seriously the people that want to be at the bar will get there and if you make your guests aware of the time frame it is not an issue. This is definetly a regional thing and quite frankly a little silly. Dont cut back on any other part of your wedding so your guest can get their drink on. Because we all know if you want to drink you will be more than willing to pay for it. Same with parties here, even if the host has drinks served we always bring our own as well. Dont worry about what others say. You do what you can and dont put yourself in a bunch or sacrifice any part of your wedding to make sure people are liqoured up. Also I have been to weddings where beer and wine were free but if you wanted hard liquor you had to pay. No one was complaining when they were drinking. I just think there are other things to worry about than the type of bar, but I guess its different depending on where you live.
I don't think it's tacky and I do think it's a good idea to be realistic about what you can afford.
The option you suggested is good or doing a limited bar (beer and wine free, cash for cocktails) could work too. You're already throwing a party for 200 people, you can only do so much.
First of all, I hate the words cheap and tacky when used to describe a cash bar. If you are in a position where you are able to provide an open bar. great. But for those of us who are paying for the wedding on our own, it is not tacky or cheap to have a cash bar. Kudos to you for sticking to your budget and not going into debt to satify others' lofty expectations. Your loved ones SHOULD be coming to your wedding to celebrate you and your partner's commitment to one another, not to score free drinks. If free alcohol is a motivator for wedding attendance, those are definitely the people who need to stay at home.
Darling, do the best you can with what you've got. This day is about you, not your guests. I wish you nothing but the best.
oh sheesh! When did weddings become so controversial? Where is the unwritten rulebook, anyway? Some people can't have alcohol for religious reasons...some people cannot afford it...whatever your reason, your wedding can be good/wonderful with or without alcohol if you have fun friends/family. A wedding is no less a beautiful and celebratory event just because one element that some people expect is missing.
That said, if having alcohol is important to you and you can afford it in some form but not an open bar, then choose an option like beer and wine. Less expensive, no one will complain about a cut-off time. Then you aren't going into debt to meet someone else's expectations. Remember, they aren't going to be paying the venue for months after the wedding -- you are! So have a fun event that is within your means and do not fret!
I agree, providing drinks for 200+ is a lot, so don't be too hard on yourself. I think 1 hour of open bar cocktails, then switching to beer and wine only for the rest of the night makes a lot of sense and sounds like an elegant affair! If you pick a tasty wine, maybe some people will talk that up. Offering one signature cocktail if it fits your budget sounds good too.
I prefer open bar, but that is what I am used to. If you are having reservations about it, maybe you could have an open bar for a certain amount of time, or just for the cocktail hour, and then switch to wine and beer and maybe a signature cocktail. That should please everyone and make you feel better about it. Just make sure your guests know the deal.
I'm originally from Boston, I have been to both open & cash bars in the area. My take on cash bars...who cares. Really? People are not going to be questioning anything in this economically state. So if you want a cash bar , have a cash bar. I, personally, never go to a wedding without money in my pocket just in case.
And I am NOT going to give up something that is special to me for my parents co-workers or my Uncle John that I don't even talk to because they would rather a V&T for free.
Plus with the question that is always asked in these forums of "would you invite people over and expect them to pay?". My answer is..if you are coming over to my house, it better be during the summer because I only drink Sam Summer. So if you want anything else, you better bring it yourself. So yes, if people were coming to my house for a party, then you better bring your own and pay for it. I am not going to reimburse you for your bottle on wine when you walk through my door.
So Soon-to-be...do what YOU want and don't worry about what other people are thinking. Bottom line...you be happy :)
Cash bars are NOT tacky. In fact, in some places, cash bars are the norm.
They're a good way to control alcohol consumption and your budget, and really, if people "need" booze to have a good time at your wedding...they shouldn't have RSVP-ed "yes" in the first place.
The only thing you might want to consider is that if you're in an area where cash bars are uncommon, include the info that it is going to be a cash bar either on the invites or on your wedding website, just so that guests know to bring cash.
Instead of having a cash bar, simply limit the choices. Have certain drinks/limited bar menu with the bar open for cocktail hour, then shut it down and just serve wine or beer during dinner. This is what we did, and believe me, no one grumbled about not being able to have a rum and coke with the meal. We saved our champagne toast for the cake cutting, and by then people had had a cocktail or two during HH, beer or wine with the meal, and a glass of bubbly before hitting the dance floor, so no one noticed the absence of a bar during dancing. Taking this route saved us a bundle without looking "stingy".
I honestly expect a cash bar when I attend a wedding, and if it's open bar - it's just an added bonus. I would hope your guests understand how expensive a wedding is, and providing drinks for 200 people can get EXPENSIVE! I'm not sure how much booze costs in the states, but here it's about $1.60 per drink, plus we have to pay for cups, mix & our bartender of course. So we are doing a toonie ($2) bar, which should cover the majority of our costs, and won't cost our guests much either. I love $2 drink nights at the bar! haha
If people are grumbling about having to pay $2 per drink, I think they're being cheap.
Just my two cents...
I didn't read all the other posts (or any of them) so forgive me if I'm repeating somethign someone said, but I would do beer/wine open bar, the rest not open, and you are the BRIDE so of course your drinks and your husband's, just tell them to keep track of that night and pay for just you guys for any drinks you want and everyone else just beer and wine??
I don't think it's horrible but I've only seen it done once or twice... I say if you absolultely can't swing it then don't stress it, have it open as long as you can and that's that! If you can make it work by cutting out something else though, I'd try! Good luck!
Honestly, as far as the whole, "no one said anything!" thing goes... if you saw something at a wedding that you thought was awful, would you really say something to the bride? "OMG, bride, I can't believe you had a cash bar! That was so rude!" "Wow, bride, it was really disgusting that you had fish centerpieces, why would you do that..." They probably won't say anything to you even if they are offended, but that's no reason to offend them.
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