Are we being rude, or are they? (long-ish sorry)

posted 4 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Who is being rude?
    You are being rude chasing people for RSVP's : (5 votes)
    5 %
    They are being rude by not replying to your RSVP : (84 votes)
    92 %
    You are both in the wrong - suggest option #3 : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Neither of you are in the wrong - suggest option #4 : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1560 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @FutureMrsHallam:  You get an invite, your RSVP. ‘Nuff said. It’s not hard!!! Girl, just WAIT until you send out the wedding invites. You give them a friggen stamp and they still can’t RSVP. Grrrr….

    Post # 5
    1112 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    People are ridiculous when it comes to rsvps! I feel bad if I can’t rsvp to something within a week of getting the invitation but we actually had a family rsvp for the WEDDING the night before!!!

    Post # 7
    7273 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @FutureMrsHallam:  I think you should have waited a little longer. Like until Monday, in case they posted their RSVP on Friday (assuming postal RSVP).

    Apart from that, they’re the rude ones. It’s rude to not RSVP and you are 100% entitled to chase down people who don’t RSVP by the RSVP date.

    p.s. It’s inevitable you’ll have to chase some people down. Some people are too lazy to reply, others just genuinely forget. Either way, you’re not rude asking them so long as it is after the RSVP date.

    Post # 9
    7157 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    You were absolutely  not rude to call people, they were totally rude not to RSVP!  I probably  would have given a grace period of a few days before starting my rounds of calls, but there is nothing wrong with what you did.  

    However, if you want to be a total stickler about it, one is not supposed to announce that this is an  “engagement party” ahead of time.  The official announcement is supposed to be made at the party itself so as to avoid the appearance of being a self promoting gift grab.   But that doesn’t excuse FMIL from RSVPing properly and on time. 

    Post # 10
    7273 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @weddingmaven:  I’m not sure where you are in the world, but I’m pretty sure the advice in your 2nd paragraph is not applicable to Australia. In Australia engagement parties with invites+RSVPs are common, and they are gift giving occasions anyway.

    Post # 11
    7157 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @paula1248:  I’m in the US.  Trust me, plenty of people here do them, too, but traditional etiquette still frowns.  That’s why I mentioned being a stickler about it.  The only reason I brought it up in your situation is in case your FMIL is somehow uncomfortable with the party itself. 

    Post # 13
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I wouldn’t worry about it. They didn’t reply by the date so they can’t be surprised when you call. 


    My wedding is SATURDAY. My RSVP date was July 22nd. I had two people that I had to call, text, FB message, and got no response until THIS WEEKEND. I had to put in my final numbers on Sunday, and on Saturday I found out if they were coming or not. I felt like a jerk calling and messaging so much, but they were really apologetic so I don’t think it bothered them.

    Post # 14
    7518 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @weddingmaven:  Traditional US etiquette might frown on it but it is not traditional etiquette in Australia.

    What @paula1248:  said is correct for Australia. Same way that in Australia brides usually pay for their BM’s attire but in the USA this is not the case. Things are done differently in different countries.

    Post # 15
    2111 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I can see what she means by having sent them early, but you’re right, what’s done is done and the deadline wasn’t met. So, yes, they were rude to not RSVP on time, but I also would have sent the invites later. Where I’m from, engagement parties aren’t really a big to-do. They’re pretty informal events, so I wouldn’t feel the need to plan for it several weeks to a month in advance. Shoot, I don’t know my schedule UNTIL a week in advance and even that’s scheduled to change. 

    Post # 16
    4 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t think it matters what the etiquette is on when you send out invitations or when you set the RSVP date. Bottom line, if someone sends you an invitation with a certain date to RSVP by, you call them by the appropriate date! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! It doesn’t matter if you think it was sent too early, you call and RSVP!

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