Are we robots?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Liss13:  The problem is the silly tradition of the bridesmaid paying for her dress and shoes. IMO the bride can dress her girls however she wants, so long as she pays.

For hair, though, tradition is the bride pays.

Post # 4
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Liss13:  Agreed, you’d think a bride who knows asker her maids to foot their own expenses should be considerate of what she’s asking them to spend and on what.

Post # 5
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I am sorry you feel this way. It is for this reason that my bridesmaids could choose their own dresses (they choose to do the mid length convertible dress, as they can have it made for about 20 dollars with material),shoes:own choice, they going to be standing /walking in it .They choose to do their own hair, and I am paying for make up.That is it.Any hairstyle, any shade of coral.Done. 

If you can,could you ask if you could buy different shoes ?same colour etc?But cheaper ?And could you play around and see if you could do your own hair in the same hairstyle ?

Post # 6
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree. I didn’t have my girls match at all. I love them for them, why would I want to take away their personalities? I also agree that asking your friends to pay is crazy. I asked them all to wear cocktail dresses in the same color. Done Laughing

Post # 7
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Liss13:  Basically this. I wanted SOME cohesion, but I want my bridesmaids to look like THEMSELVES, because being them is why I want them there. So I wanted their personal style to shine through, instead of just *my* style.

I said “do your makeup and hair however you want. Wear any dress you want as long as it is mostly some shade of purple.” 

The only thing I wanted to match was shoes. (I ended up buying them for the BM with the tightest budget, but the others had no problems.)

Post # 8
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Liss13:  Where I am from the bride pays for the BM’s, as well, it is her wedding.

I personally don’t understand places where it is customary for BM’s to pay. I understand weddings are expensive (we paid for ours so I get it) but it is your wedding. It is kind of like having a house warming party but making everyone pay for part of your couch or dinning room suite if they want to sit down! No one would ever do that!


Post # 10
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you are having such a difficult bride friend here.  I mean really, even with short dresses, somebody tell me what the shoes looked like for the BM’s in the last 5 weddings you attended!  No one cares or pays attention to the BM shoes.

Post # 11
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Liss13:  I would be annoyed, too! I have been in a few weddings – some brides were little more relaxed than others! I was very relaxed with my BMs for our wedding, because I hated feeling like a clone in weddings I have been in. They just had to find a pink dress. Shoes, hair, makeup, nails, earrings etc were their choice. It ended up working out nicely, and the girls were all comfortable, and most importantly, not resentful! 

Post # 12
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Open you mouth and tell her you really can’t afford the shoes and show her the pair you have at. You are ranting about a problem you haven’t even attempted to solve.

As for the hair and makeup if she is paying for it quit complaining. If it was on your tab I would get it but its not, and in the end its her day and you agreed to be a part of it. Its just part of  being a bridesmaid. 

Post # 13
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Liss13:  I feel you. Being a bridesmaid can be so expensive! I personally hate when the bridesmaids look all matchy matchy, so I’m going to allow mine to do whatever they want with their hair, make-up, and shoes. For the dress, whatever they want as long as it’s some shade of whatever color I choose (still undecided on that). 

Post # 14
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Liss13:  That’s kind of ridiculous that you had to spend that much on shoes that you aren’t even going to see really. My BM’s dresses are all floorlength and we’re getting really inexpensive flats that match, look nice, and that they’ll be able to wear again because of the fact that you can’t even see them 90% of the time.

I’m not making my girls do their hair a certain way, and if I asked them to then I would pay for it. As for the ‘tradition’ of the bride paying for everything that’s not how it is where I am. Almost every wedding party pays for their own dress and shoes here. I covered about 40% of the cost of the dresses though and will be providing their jewelry. They’re paying for any alterations and the inexpensive shoes though.

Post # 16
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Well I supose in the case you are sol on that front, but lesson learned. I am sure that others will agree when I say most of us even if we are stressed are reasonable when it comes to cost of things, Just try to remember why you argreed to do this in the first place. 

I have to admit this is why we are not having b-maids or g-men. (I just didn’t want to have to worry about if they could afford the dresses, shoes, ect. And I am a matchy matchy person.)

Good luck! 

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