Post # 1
Hey guys, need help with a judgement call.
Initially, my MIL to be and her new husband were supposed to be covering our venue & catering hosts (they were going to host at their home in the yard, and they thought catering was cheaper than it is). If that were the case, they would, obviously, have been the hosts. Now, all said and done, they’re covering dramatically less (about 1/2 of a $6,000 dinner bill and no help with the reception & ceremony, another $1,500). Is it terribly rude to call ourselves the hosts? The wording I’ve selected is:
Together with their parents,
Sevyn ______ and Scott ______
invite you to share in their joy
as they exchange wedding vows
blah blah blah…
Am I out of line, or is this acceptable, seeing as their final contribution will be no more than 25% of the day’s cost? Please let me know what you think. I’m not looking to offend, but it’s mostly our effort, and beyond this we get into some confusing wording territory (crediting MIL and new husband while leaving fiancé’s father out might cause some waves).
Post # 3
I think that the “together with their families” route is good in this case – it includes everyone’s contributions without slighting them.
Post # 4
Someone — and note that in English, “someone” is a singular form, as noted by the word “one” in the compound — someONE has to take responsibility for this social event. Someone has to care that the guests be addressed properly, greeted hospitably, fed and entertained generously. SomeONE has to negotiate the vendor contracts accordingly. The buck has to stop with someONE. And whoever that is, is the hostess.
So, the question is, what has your mother-in-law really offered? Did she offer “I would love to host your reception for you” or did she offer “I can give you $3000 to cover the cost of catering a reception in our back yard.” How did the decision get made to abandon the back-yard plan? If it was all her own decisions, then she is the hostess and any moneys you are paying are in fact your gift to her. Financial arrangements are one of those not-really-polite facts of life that don’t get discussed in public and should not be advertised on your social stationery. If these were your decisions, and you have been either in control all along or taking over control, then you are the hostess and just need to find some way of conveying to your hostess your deep gratitude for such a generous gift.
I sense that the waters are actually a little muddy at this point. Maybe you need to take your future mother-in-law out for a latte, and find out how she sees her role at the moment.
Post # 5
I think “Together with their families” is a totally acceptable way to address the situation on the invite.
Post # 7
I think it looks good! If you are still uncertain, maybe casually show her the proof to make her 1) feel involved and 2) give you the opportunity to feel her out.
Post # 8
We included “along with our parents” on ours, and that was before our parents were going to give anything (what I wanted). Just to shut them all up, whether or not they gave anything, I included that on our invitations. Otherwise, the invitation can get ridiculously lengthy with four (or in some cases, more) names added on.
I consider myself and FI to be the hosts – but, whatever. 😀