(Closed) Are weddings are a waste of money? My mom thinks they are…

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Are weddings a waste of money?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    9 %
    No : (38 votes)
    40 %
    Maybe : (49 votes)
    51 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I do not think that they are waste of money.  I hope that this does not sound harsh and it is not ment to be in any way but maybe your mother feels jealous because she always wanted to have a wedding and didn’t. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    As long as you’re not going into debt in order to have a huge, over the top wedding, then no, I don’t think they’re a waste of money at all.  A wedding should be about the ceremony, getting married and celebrating with your closest friends and family, that can be done with or without a huge budget.  Just because that’s your mom’s opinion, doesn’t mean you can’t have the wedding of your dreams.  Try to make her see that you’re using your money wisely and not doing things just because you feel like you have to.  In addition, don’t feel like you have to elope simply because that’s your mom’s idea of a perfect wedding.  You’ll be living with the memories of your wedding for the rest of your life, and you don’t want to look back on that day and regret it just because you tried to make your mom happy.

    Anyway, that’s just my two cents. =)

    Post # 5
    Member
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think weddings become wasted money, when you’ve got the rich people who think, “hey I can afford it! Why not get a 17foot tall cake?! Or give every guest a baggy with 500$ of knick knacks in it!?”

    Sorry…lol

    But I do agree maybe your mom is a little jealous that you will  have a wedding and she didn’t.

    Post # 6
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    Do you think your mom might be jealous that you are having a wedding and she never did? Whatever the reason, she is being unfair to you and selfish.  Has she been to many (or any?) weddings? Maybe if you let her know how much it would mean to you to have her involved with your planning, she will become more excited about the idea of a wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    This sounds like your mom’s issues, not your own. Try to not internalize it. Make the day what you want it to be for YOU. Plan it for YOU. Then you will be satisfied. Taking on her issues as your own will not help!

    Post # 8
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    My parents think big expensive weddings are a waste of money and they did have a nice wedding. They just think spending 18K to feed other people is not ideal and would rather we have spent our money on ‘us’ not ‘them’ but oh well. It is what it is. I don’t necessarily agree (i think money is wasted all the time in all aspects of our lives! ha!) but i can see their point….they don’t believe a wedding is necessarily a “requirement” for a marriage and in some families that IS the case.

    Post # 9
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    It depends on the wedding. If the wedding is all about showing off how rich you are, how much you spend, or for instance the traveller weddings(my gosh i could NOT believe my eyes) then yes, its a good example of a waste. If its a celebration of love, family gathering and they day of your dreams, then no absolutly not a waste. I dont get why she would be like this with only weddings. Did she get divorced or something…maybe had to sacrafice her dream wedding for something she didnt want??? just seems weird to me, like its not even about money. just my opinion.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i think it’s a personal choice. for me, it wasn’t worth it to spend a lot of money, i’d rather have it for the future. but if you want a big wedding, than you should be able to have one with no guilt.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I planned and payed for the wedding myself. It admittedly was not your typical wedding but I wasn’t your typical bride – I turned 50 years old the day after the wedding! But I needed to celebrate after years of depression after the unexpected death of my only child AND being dumped by my sig other of 20+ years. It was truly a miracle finding love again, especially since I wasn’t even looking for a relationship!

    What is weird is that I HATE shopping. Just about everything for the wedding, the simple reception afterwards and the pig roast the following day were purchased online! I HATED all the stress of planning the damn thing, especially since I did 99% all by myself. All that time, all the worry, all the little snafus. In the end, was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY! One of the very best days of my life! I felt like a princess and was in a total state of bliss! So IMO, yes, the hassle can definitely be worth it!

    Post # 13
    Member
    950 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Okay, after reading your story & your budget, you might think I’m an extravagant bride…we’re spending near $30K on our wedding.  Please allow me the caveat that FI & I are paying every penny of that $30K…it does not include the only expenses made by our sets of parents, who both wanted to contribute more, but we restricted them to the Rehearsal Dinners, in part because we wanted the wedding WE wanted & in part because we philosophically believe that budgeting & paying for out wedding is good marriage practice.  Neither set of parents knows how much we’re spending on our wedding…as it should be, since it’s our money & we’re grown adults who have made adult financial decisions since we’ve been on our own (11 years).   

    Okay, given all that…I think weddings MIGHT be a waste of money. The money FI & I are spending is all money we have saved during the engagement…no loans taken out, no savings dipped into (if you don’t count the fact that we are not adding to our savings during the engagement).  That near $30K is quite a chunk of change to be throwing at a single weekend (2 ceremonies, 1 welcome party, 1 reception, & 68 Disneyland tickets as favors)…it could have been a NICE addition to a house fund or future college fund. 

    On the flip side, there is the concept that there are TWO days/events at which EVERYONE who loves you & who knows you gathers together to celebrate you: your funeral & your wedding. And you’re only conscious at ONE of those events…put in that perspective, would you want everyone you know & love to enjoy those two events…especially the one that you’re conscious at & is based on joy rather than sorrow?  We keep that in mind whenever we look at our budget & how we’re spending/meeting it. 

    So…Maybe…and maybe not.

    Post # 14
    Member
    604 posts
    Busy bee

    They definitely can be a waste of money. I wouldn’t spend 30k on a wedding but then again everything is expensive even if you cut corners etc etc. If you can afford it, have worked for it, or don’t go into debt then spend whatever you want just don’t think other people are in the position to give tons of gifts etc. In your situation..no offense please but you’re mother is maybe not jealous but saddened that she couldn’t spend on having a “decent size” wedding her only alternative was to elope so maybe she feels that her and your father were cheated out of the great experience you will have.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    The way you are doing it? No, absolutely not a waste of money. I think that wanting to have A wedding, in some form, to bring together family and friends to celebrate your love… that is not at all a waste of money. But some things can be. Honestly we’re going to spend 13k on the day of the wedding stuff and I do feel its a bit wasteful because I don’t REALLY need a kick-ass photographer or a unique venue or decorations. Love isn’t about that. So yea I guess I think it can be kind of a waste of money… but I think you should do what you want to do and what will make you happy. My wedding will make me happy and we can afford it so to me, its worth it. Your wedding is extremely reasonably priced so I think you should be happy and do what you want. 

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