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Sorry, ladies,
I just keep noticing how many "it's your day"s and "it's your wedding"s I read on this site and thought it was time for a small reality check.
It's true, this is (hopefully!) the last wedding any of us will ever have, but our "big day"s are really much bigger than ourselves. Our weddings are symbols of the uniting of our two families and friends and the support of those people for our marriages. When we invite guests, they should be people we care about and who care about us. And when we ask them to travel, potentially spending hundreds of dollars on airfare, hotels and food, we should also try to plan a wedding that they will enjoy. What's more important, wearing a $1200 dress or making sure your guests are comfortable? (And BTW, comfortable does not actually mean super-duper-impressed with your wedding and headed home to brag all about how cool it was and how neat all the little touches were.)
I constantly see posts on here from brides who want to disown bridal party members and friends who are overwhelmed by all the "it's my day"-ness. Come on! Do we really disown our friends? Are we 13?
Sorry for this little bit of negativity, but sometimes I think we all need to grow up by a few years and learn what's really important. The people we love are important, and we should plan our weddings to show them that.
Now I'll get off my soapbox and wish you all wonderful weddings and even better marriages!
mandyrosy: I think the "its your day" thing gets too much hype too, but this site (I believe) is meant to be one where brides can share ideas, seek support, and vent frustrations. I know I post things here that I don't necessarily talk about outside of this community because everyone has feelings that may or may not be appropriate. I recognize its not always good to spill to the offending party and this is a good place to get the thoughts out in the open instead of stewing. Sometimes it takes the input of virtual strangers to put things into perspective as to whether we are justified or overreacting.
I can also agree on this with you. Yes it is our day, but you are asking others to share it with you so you need to take that into consideration, or just elope by yourselves where it is truly only about you:)
I just try to keep in mind what would make others happy and enjoy the day:) To make it memorable for them also:) I say all this even though I am not able to have a real wedding right now, but I do think of these things and have them in my planning for the future wedding where we will get to share it with those we love:)
Everyone is different and everyone's priorities are different. For some people (and I myself am not one of these people), maybe having that expensive dress or that certain something is a priority. I understand your points, I do - and I am one who feels that my wedding is not all about me...but I do think everyone is different us entitled to their individual feelings - no matter what others think of them.
Now I'm stepping off my soapbox.
sorry. dont agree. in my opinion, our wedding was not about the joining of families at all. our wedding was about the joining of us, before our friends, family, government, and God. If it was about my family, or his family, it would have likely been a completely different event. I didnt invite my entire family, I didnt invite children, and I had it in my hometown despite the fact that I dont live there any more and neither did most of my guests.
My wedding was absolutely not about entertaining my guests. It was not a movie. It was not a house party. I invited people I loved to witness the joining of two people, not two families. I made it as enjoyable a night as I could afford. I splurged where I wanted to, and yes, I spent thousands on a dress. Could I have gone to DB and invited 100 more people? Probably. But then it would not have been the wedding that I wanted. Do I sound entitled? Yup. Spoiled? Maybe. So what. I am paying for it. Why wouldnt I be entitled to every and anything I want, if only for one day. Parents let their kids believe in santa until theyre in middle school. Who am I harming by believeing in the 'specialness' of a bride's wedding day?
Sorry. I respect your opinion but I absolutely do not agree.
I agree, but a lot of times I think friends should show more love to the bride/groom. When friends constantly bitch and complain about every little thing you tried hard to plan then it gets hard not to think of disowning them. A true friend would appreciate your hard work and just deal with eating a meal that might not be their first choice or whatever else is the situation.
I just want to say FutureMrsMorgan, you don't sound one bit spoiled or entitled to me - just like a mature person who knew what was important to her.
I'm one of those people that does think the wedding is primarily about the bride and groom. After all, it's their wedding and they're the ones taking the vows! They have to love and cherish each other through everything. That being said I'm a very reasonable and hospitable person by nature. One person's idea of "comfort" is not anothers.
Also, a $1200 dress is not necessarily a lavish expense for most people. We all make different amounts of salaries and my idea of an expensive gift or item is not always another person's.
And if your friends are the supportive friends they should be, brides shouldn't have to come here talking about how their friends/family/people are having no manners and act like they were raised in a barn! Support is sometimes needed. Lucky you, you must have wonderful friends to not deal with this issue. Unfortunately, somtetimes it takes a big thing in someone's life to make you realize someone's true colors.
But hey if you want to make your wedding all about your guests' comfort, by all means go ahead.
For me, planning the wedding was "my baby" while my husband was deployed to Iraq. And I will never feel bad for that or feel like i was being selfish or a bad host. It kept me busy and so did all those little details.
I agree to some extent the point behind "it's my day" is selfish but for the most part (99.99%) of the posts here regard real problems and issues. Because at the end of the day, people are people.
I think there should be a good balance. I think it is the BRIDE & GROOMS day, but if you want to share it with those you love I would think you would naturally want to make it an event they would enjoy also. It is a very very important day for the two joining in marriage, and they should have the things they want but also if you are asking others to be a part of that we have to be somewhat flexible and open to. It all depends on the issues. There are a lot of good and bad. Yes some people can be really hard to deal with and not helpfull or supportive, but then some brides can be really unreasonable to so it can go both ways.
I guess I would say though that for me I want a wedding people walk away from remembering the good and the fun they had and not how stuffy, cold, unfriendly or whatever negative it maybe. I want my wedding party to be happy and feel like they were a part of something special and not thanking the LORD it is over.
So when I get to plan my wedding I will try to remember all those things:)
I think another thing is that, while weddings are about the joining of two families or two people (depending on how you think of it), the entire point is about that joining. I mean, it is a special time--a time where your guests, your vendors, your families and you stop to take note.
I don't see anything wrong with the opinion of it being "your wedding" or "your day"--you're inviting people to celebrate you and another. You're the host, so if you feel like you're doing whatever you need to make your guests comfortable, what does it matter if you spend a bundle on a dress or on hair and makeup? Sorry, but in the end, it is about you--you're the ones in the pictures, you're the ones in front of everyone else, saying to God (or whomever you believe/don't believe in) that you're joined together, names on invites and favors so really--it is about you!
And about dropping bridesmaids/ending friendships--just because some people are dealing with it doesn't mean they aren't mature. A lot of people do act very immature, jealous and irresponsible about weddings and being in them. It can be hard for them. That's why we're here, to help and support them in whatever choice is right for them.
I totally agree, with both mandyrosy and wildstyle. I am so over the "it's YOUR day" BS - I am not 7 years old anymore, and I do not harbor a desire to be princess for a day! Being a bride is not a free pass to be self-centered and inconsiderate of your loved ones. My fiance and I consider the wedding a chance for our families and friends to celebrate and participate in our happiness - not for us to be the center of the universe. Furthermore, I believe that the Wedding Industry promotes the "It's the biggest day of your life" thing, so that women will feel that they have to "splurge" and spend spend spend since this is "their one day". Barf.
However, I do agree with wildstyle - everyone has their own priorities and desires for their wedding. Just skip over the posts that don't fit with your mentality and you'll be fine ;)
peanutlovespumpkin--I get what you're getting at. I think the problem here is maybe we're considering "It's my day" people as bridezillas, but not all of them are. There's a difference between a bridezilla and a person who just wants the nicest day possible, which may be one of the only special days in their lives. I think it all comes down to preference!
very well said, peanutlovespumpkin! diversity is what makes weddingbee great, and what makes life great too. i say whatever your thing is, go for it!
@cinemaparadiso: you're right, we're talking about the extremes here :) It is inherently the bride and groom's "day" since the wedding is taking place in their honor, and there is definitely some specialness involved. What bugs me is that I see perfectly down-to-earth and usually considerate and loving women act so strangely when they are planning their wedding. Complaining about guests is what really gets me; they are your loved ones, they are not perfect, and the world does not revolve around your wedding! Ok, end rant :)
I have to say, I think there's a difference between feeling like "it's my day" and being a terrible hostess. Every year, my friends get together and celebrate each others' birthdays and on each person's day, we grant special allowances, dote on him or her and talk incessantly about them. It's their day. Does that mean we don't have a good time or that the birthday person is insensitive to the needs of others around them? Not at all.
I also wouldn't agree that there's anything wrong with spending a lot on a particular splurge item and cutting back elsewhere. As long as you're not making your guests go hungry or stand around in the blazing sun for hours, I think it's totally fine to have priorities, even if it is your dress or an A-List photographer. We personally made cuts in places we thought no one would mind (and we didn't care about ourselves!) to splurge on a couple of things. And we invited fewer people in order to be able to have our wedding in the city, as opposed to outside of it.
Yes, two families and sets of friends are joining, but only because of the two guests of honor! And it's strange how weddings seem to bring out issues that were already under the surface in friendships and show you who will really be there for you when it counts. I don't want to be a princess, but I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting emotional support from your bridal party, a lack of drama over etiquette from your family, or that the day will be all about you, your husband, and your love :)
That said, I also can't stand it when brides feel like it's okay to be b*tchy or rude just because it's "their day." I'm with you on that one. Be gracious when it's all about you, at least! ;)
I'm tired of people expecting my motive to be because I'm 'all about me'. I don't agree with that. Yet, I'm making the decisions for everyone involved while planning this wedding. I know not everyone will be 100% satisfied with every little detail.... but since I'm the most involved, keep focused on the big picture and it's directly affecting me and my groom to be, I do think I should be making the final decisions and people coming should be supportive if they are truly caring about us, respecting us as individuals leading and planning an event, sponsored and hosted by us. I'm having a hard time with everyone strongly 'opinionating' and putting pressure and expectations on me. Then assuming I disagree because I'm selfish or prideful. I have very strong 'leader type' friends and family. It's tough to include them, yet i know what I want or would like the breathing room to explore and discover what I would like.
I think some of the posts on "it's your day" are not meant to mean that you can be a spoiled brat. I think what most posters mean is that there's no way you can please everyone. And, you only hear about the extreme cases. Most people (and guests) are reasonable. I agree with Bamboo.
For example, I have a friend who I'm glad that I didn't ask to be a bridesmaid. I was her MOH, but I would never have asked her to be in my wedding. I'm not sure i even want her to help. Why? Because every time I tell her I've made a decision, she criticizes it. She didn't like the fact that I decided to have a very traditional church wedding with a reception at a social dining club. She wanted me to have a destination wedding (probably so she could complain about the destination). She thinks my church selection has no character and is plain and that I should have tons of flowers. When I told her that I was not going to invite children, she remarked that that would upset my family. (Well, it doesn't--cousins have had no children and most don't have kids anyway-she's the one with the kid.) She doesn't like my cake selection or my FI's selection of a grooms cake. Quite frankly, I don't want to even invite her to the wedding because I don't want to hear her criticisms. She also told me that I shouldn't wear a white dress. This, coming from the woman that cut the sash off her BM dress that she was supposed to wear at her cousin's wedding (nothing was acceptable to her with regard to her cousin's wedding). Do I feel that it's my day, well, in some ways yes. But what is is that I want? I want my day to be about family and friends. I quite frankly don't care if my reception is boring. Most of my guests are old or family. If they're bored, they can just leave. I want people to remember the joy, not listening to her complain. So, yes, it is my day and I wanted to share details with her so she knows what to expect. I didn't ask for her opinion on anything. Does my frustration mean that I'm spoiled because I feel that I don't want to invite her? She quite frankly made me want to cry today as I told her what I wanted to do for centerpieces. In fact, every time I talk to her about my wedding, she makes me want to cry. So, under MandyRose's theory, I'm a spoiled brat that needs to grow up because I'm frustrated with my friend's attitude. Well, I'm not a spoiled brat. I had no expectations that my parents were going to offer any money toward my wedding (although they generously are). I could afford to spend $5k on a dress, but I've chosen not to. I am a mature professional who has feelings.
In any event, I think that many people post to vent so that they don't direct their frustrations to someone they actually know and whose feelings they will hurt.
Very good points. The extremists in general give the industry a bad name. And reality tv. I think lots of women are capable of having "their" day with their FI and celebrating their love without turning into maniacs. Sometimes a reality check is totally needed. My husband likes to pull out the "you're being stupid, EJS" line, which i always hate, but in hindsight, he's just being frank with me. Sometimes you need it!
I like to consider myself very rational and normal, even though I was very "hey it's our day! don't like it? tough boogies, but here, have one of my signature cocktails...mmmm better, right?"
On that note, your guests shouldn't complain to you, either! In general, no complaining! I place a ban on complaining. Everyone should just be nice. =]
You know what I'm sick of? People bashing on brides. They can't do anything right, can they!? You are supposed to spend months planning a big party for your friends and family, a party that's seen as an expression of you and your fiancee and your love for each other (because really, that's what people see it as. They aren't looking at your wedding and the details and the first thing that comes to mind is "oh, I really hope both sides of this new family are enjoying coming together today"), but don't you dare get upset when anyone criticizes it and don't you dare ever say that this day is supposed to be about you. Why can't it be your day? Whose day is it supposed to be? What is it supposed to be about? Whose day is it if not the brides and her new husbands? I'm sure some of you will say "it's no one's day" but why can't you just let the girl who has spent months working on one day just ENJOY IT?
I know this might sound mean, but I hated the feeling planning my own wedding that if brides don't act perfectly laid back and do something according to some invisible set of rules, they are gift/money grubbing, bitchy, spoiled bridezillas.
I'm also over kicking people out of your wedding left and right. What is that all about? Because you couldn't convince your best friend from 10 years ago to be your personal slave for 10 months, you're going to ruin your friendship? Argh, that just kills me!
:::wonder where the soapbox came from that I'm jumping on:::
as an eloping bride, i see both camps. i do sit back and wonder at what point did educated, responsible, independant women suddenly become quasi martha steward etiquette devotees who wring their hands and wail just because the envelope isnt hand written (god forbid if someone uses a handwriting font & prints them) but i can understand their obsessions and i guess as long as no one dies in the attempt of pulling off their dream wedding more power to them.
the more i read on wedding bee the better a guest/and or brides assistant im becoming
I agree with everyone. I don't believe that my wedding is "my day" so that I get to tell everyone else what to do and they have to listen to me just because I'm the bride. But I do believe that *my* wedding at least is partially about our families, because if it was just about ourselves, we would have eloped. At the very least, the "it's all about us/me" attitude makes people lousy hosts. There's something in between the two attitudes that I hope most people are taking.
"as long as no one dies"....LOL. Yes, that IS very important.
I think what really grinds my screws is when the MOB and FOB turn into parent-zillas but I won't go psycho on you all about that one. I'm just so happy my parents left me be 99.9% of the time. Selfish parents really get me going though, grrrrrr.
Planning a wedding should be a happy occassion, it makes me so sad when the situations in general are less than ideal. Such is life, but nobody needs an "extra" stressor.
Thread hijack over. I'm going to bed so I don't come back and rant and rave on more threads like my trend has been tonight.
I honestly don't think I am being selfish If I call it our day. It will be the only day in my life both of my dad's and their families will set aside differences and be together with me. We will be in the pictures. We are the ones who are paying for everything, and I am the one dealing with everyone who wants to be grouchy about what we can afford to spend. We are celebrating our happiness and not the fact that every person doesn't get what they want for dinner.
Just because a bride wants a nice dress does not mean she spends thousands on it. So what if we get frustrated and need to vent if something goes wrong? We are not automatically Brideziallas.
Look at the brides out there that can't afford to have the wedding they want. Who's day is it, if it is just the 3 of them? It's theirs. I mean seriously. IF you have a problem reading those posts. Don't read them. Everyone needs an outside opinon every now and then.
I can see where you're coming from, for sure. Weddings can be taxing on guests, what with gifts, formal attire, time and potentially travel inconveniences. However, I think it's all moderation. I think what most people mean when they say "it's your day" is that really, at the end of the day, a wedding is a celebration of the union of two people and as weddings may come and go for guests, those two people are going to hold on to that day forever. So really, as a person who puts her own interests on hold to make other people happy (probably more than I should!), I see the "it's your day" thing as meaning that it's the one time when I don't have to let people tell me how I should live out my day, when I get to plan the things that make me and my future hubby happy - within reason of course : )
I think this is a wonderful topic for discussion. There will always be a conflict between pleasing yourself and pleasing others. And what about when you find pleasing others to be pleasing to yourself? Some people are happiest when they do what they want and don't worry about what the world thinks. Others are happiest when they address the needs of the world and see how good a time they have given them.
We vary not only in our propensity to want to please others but also in how possible it is for the people in our lives to be pleased. If my guests are difficult complainers, who won't be happy no matter what I do, then it's probably better to stop trying and worry about making myself happy. But if my guests are easy to please, and I enjoy pleasing them, then I may go out of my way to please them. Or I may do what I want and they are still pleased because they are, after all, easy to please. I feel like I could draw a diagram!
Personally I was more on the "I want everyone to be happy" end of the continuum, but this is just my personality, and I am happy with the decisions I made. And that's just it: I was happy. I firmly believe that the only person in charge of your happiness is you, so in this life you have to do what is going to make you happy regardless of what others think---which is the same attitude that other "it's all about me" brides have.
So really it's not about selfishness, it's that we are rightfully trying to be happy in the best way we know how. And Weddingbee is a great place to bounce ideas off each other and discuss those times when we might be going a little off our rockers. WB rocks, man.
I firmly believe in the it's 'your' day mentality. I don't mean this as your=bride, more like your=relationship. This also does not (nor did it for me) give the bride free reign to act like a spoiled brat (enter Bridezilla??). By saying this I mean more in the thought process of the following: If I want pale pink, lavender and cream as my wedding colors in October it shouldn't matter to anyone else, it's our day. If I want to serve a fingerfood buffet instead of a 3 course meal, it shouldn't matter it's our day. Is it really the place of a guest to complain if the couple would like their wedding 'formal'? If you are truly their friends then you should just be happy for them.
Weddings should be a joining of families, a celebration of your love and a celebration from friends and family. When I say 'it's your wedding, do what you want' in posts I firmly believe that if having burgers at your wedding makes you happy and less stressed then do it! So your colors aren't 'seasonal', WHO CARES! Again, this does not give you reign to turn Bridezilla... haha. ;-)
Like everything I think feeling like "it's your day" can be taken to extremes. That's where you see people wanting to ditch their friends because they are miffed that they've been told how to dress and behave and they aren't cooperating.
At the same time, I think the essential concept is sound. How can you ever please everyone else involved in your wedding? Impossible. Ultimately, it is your judgement that is going to decide how much say other people have.
I think it's an individual thing. It's sad when brides don't have any empathy and assume that everything their guests do that they dislike is an armed assault aimed purposefully at them.
On the other hand, my family has been very unsupportive and even cruel in their treatment of me regarding my relationship. My mother has said things like, "Only virgins should wear white to weddings" and that because my fiance and I are already technically "common-law" we shouldn't even bother getting married. She won't step a foot in our apartment because living together before marriage is sinful.
She would want us to get married in the Catholic church, but I don't think she gets a say anymore, and it would be hard for me given it's basically religion behind these attitudes. The fiance's family is also Christian, but getting married in their church would be seen as a slap in the face by my family. Therefore, the fiance and I are going to do what we want. We also want to pretty much plan and finance it ourselves, for basically the same reasons. Is that so wrong? I don't think so.
I am with nvybaby82 when she says that the details of a wedding celebration really shouldn't be a big deal to anyone for the most part.
I agree with FutureMrsMorgan. I worked really hard to save my money and to throw an awesome party for the guests I am inviting. I paid and saved, and I'm doing it the way my FI and I want it done. I do believe in having the attention that day and I don't care if it sounds selfish. That day is for uniting me and my fiance, not our familes. His parents are divorced, there is already a break in unity there.
I don't believe in treating everyone around me like garbage, that is way bridezilla and I'm not sure if that's what you were referring to, but I don't agree with people that think it's ok to totally become self absorbed and rude.
I am so happy I get to marry my FI in front of people that loves us, but when it all boils down to it, it is about us and the fact that we celebrate and have a good time. I don't wanna hear it from our guests if they don't like how we did things. Our day our money. I don't care if it sounds selfish.
Here's the thing, I'm in the camp who thinks the wedding is "my day." It is my day to stand in front of family and friends and take vows to spend my life with the man I love. It is my day to wear a dress which may have cost too much because I want to look good in the umpteenth number of pictures that will be taken of me. It is my day for the first time in my life to have all eyes looking at me.
That being said, it is not right to use my day as an excuse to boss people around and throw hissy fits when a BM shows up with a hairstyle I didn't choose. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish for once because of the magnitude of the event. Hearing stories about overly demanding brides has nothing to do with having the "it's my day" mentality; it simply speaks about the personality of the bride. If she's demanding and being the biggest bridezilla, I dare say she was like that before she put on the big puffy white dress.
Also, this site is a safe place for us all to vent - I mean how many posts do you see on a daily basis with *vent*??
To your point, wedding planning is mostly stressful because of the guests and vendors. You're dealing with so many people's wants and needs all while trying to make it a meaningful day/night for you and your husband. That's why brides get frustrated with wedding party members and guests. The wedding party was chosen b/c the bride and groom need HELP and in a lot of cases they can be unsupportive for whatever reason. Also, guests (in VERY simple terms) are supposed to just go with the flow or not come BECAUSE it's so hard for the bride and groom to be accomodating to each individual guest when time and money are limited. Vendors can be difficult to - from charging too much to being snarky to not showing up in the first place.
This is a bit of a pet peeve issue of mine. Mostly, I think everyone needs to calm down and take what they read with a grain of salt. I think everyone--brides, journalists, people in the wedding industry--blow this issue out of proportion. When planning my wedding last year, no one called me a bridezilla, no one cried when I wanted to DIY my flowers or buy my dress from a mainstream salon, there was no family or friend drama that you wouldn't find at any other large gathering of family and friends, and no vendors grossly overcharged me just because I said the word "wedding." Personally, I think the WIC--wedding industrial complex--is a myth. Perhaps I was just lucky, but I think everyone will have an easier time of it if you just relax, have fun, and treat everyone with respect.
To get more at the original question, I also think it is important to separate the wedding ceremony--the MARRIAGE--from the party that follows. The ceremony should be a reflection of the couple, period, and I don't think any couple should let someone not in that couple to strongarm them into having a ceremony they don't want. For example, two casual atheists should not be coerced into having a formal church wedding, and neither should two conservative catholics be coerced into having a beach wedding, if that isn't what they expressly want. Period.
The celebration that follows, however, is a different story. It is a party, and the host of said party--who may or may not be the couple--has certain rights and responsibilities. They have the right to throw the kind of party they want to throw, but as with ANY party, they also have a responsibility as host to provide for the comfort and convenience of their guests. If the host is not the couple, they have the additional responsibility to not directly conflict with the wishes of the guests of honor. For example, you should not throw a huge surprise destination birthday party for a recluse and then get mad at all the thrifty guests who decline and the guest of honor who runs away crying.
To sum up: be true to yourself and your marriage, keep your guests in mind, and remember that you can't please everyone. And don't believe anything you read in the internet. :)
(Also, I do think that the world I describe may be a bit too perfect, and that this site is a place for us to vent. Some issues will certainly arise and we should treat eachother with kindness and respect regardless of the circumstances!)
I think most of you ladies see what I'm getting at. I absolutely agree that your wedding should be a celebration of your love and an expression of who you are as a couple – within reason (Gosh, that's an important phrase!)
I also think that it's very easy to get sucked into this "my wedding has to be perfect and anyone who disagrees with one of my ideas is trying to ruin my special day" mentality. We've invited the people who are a part of this day for a reason. Even if they don't agree with every wedding inspiration we ever had, they are the people we love and they should be treated with respect.
At the end of our wedding day, I want two things: for us to be married and for everyone to have had a good time. Those are the most important things to me, and it helps me to focus on that rather than all the petty details.
I'm glad we're having this conversation, and I hope it helps everybody center a little bit. Once again, I wish you all happy marriages!
Thanks for putting this out there and starting a dialogue! I definitely think planning a wedding shouldn't give you a free pass from being a good, decent person. It bothers me as well when I watch the tv shows about horrible people screaming, 'it's my day' while treating others without a modicum of respect. Also, I do think it's easy to get caught up in wedding stress and forget to be there for our friends and family. I have to consciously remind myself to turn off my issues to inquire/truly listen to how they are doing.
With that said, I have learned the hard way that not all guests will be pleased. FI and I make every effort to be generous and gracious hosts (in every party we throw), but when the hard decisions arise, (no "right" solution exists), couples have to stay true to what makes them happy. Would I love for every single person to have a +1? Absolutely, but there's no room. Would I like for guests to have an extremely brief wait before we join them at the reception? Without a doubt, but we would like amazing photos. Importantly, as we have scrimped and saved for this important day, I feel it is perfectly ok to treat ourselves and not have it subject to judgment. Nonetheless, the wine will flow free and there will be tons of delicious food. I can only hope most are happy.
I kind of fall somewhere in the middle, I suppose.
I definitely care very much about our guests' comfort and happiness. We've really gone out of our way to do a lot for them and make them all feel very appreciated. We had a smaller guest list so that we could give the guests in attendance more than we would had we invited over 100.
That said, though, it does get to a point where you have to ask yourself, "where do I draw the line?" Planning a wedding is hard, especially when you have two families involved. And while I do believe that the day is about us as well as our families, when is it acceptable to start pleasing everyone else, and not yourself? I mean, it is your money, and quite frankly, it IS the bride and groom's day (otherwise, there wouldn't even be a wedding, right?). While I'm a big believer in being the best host possible, I'm also a big believer in spoiling yourself once in a while - and one's wedding day is really the time do to that. It gets to a point where a couple has to make decisions when they have about 100 opinions flying at them at once. Sometimes, we do finally just have to admit to ourselves, "You know what? This really is OUR day," and in the end, the bride and groom need to be happy with it.
I mean, really - when does a couple ever have another reason to throw a big party, wear awesome outfits, hire a photographer and celebrate with their friends and family? A wedding is truly a significant step in life, and honestly, the couple should celebrate as they deem appropriate (without seeming bridezilla-y).
I have to say, for me personally, the wedding is mostly about the guests. If it were just about my feelings and my fiance's feelings, we could just go into a room by ourselves and promise to stay together forever. The wedding is the public recognition our commitment, so it is about the guests.
I also think that having bridesmaids and everyone help out in making the event happen is not selfish. It's good to have people be a part of the event from start to finish. It's not just them doing you a favor, it's having them involved.
That doesn't mean you should let other people control the whole thing, or pick things you don't like. But I think the experience of the people who are attending should be a priority of the wedding. Obviously the relationship of the couple is going to be a priority for their entire lives, it doesn't have to be the sole focus of the event.
let me just say this you really do find out who your true friends are when you are having a wedding and sometimes it might be the straw that broke the cammels back on already uneven friendships.
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