(Closed) Are you a bitch, like me? How do I rein it in?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How bitchy are you toward your SO?
    I make bitchy remarks daily. : (50 votes)
    17 %
    I make bitchy remarks almost daily. : (35 votes)
    12 %
    I make bitchy remarks several times a week. : (55 votes)
    19 %
    I make bitchy remarks once a week or so. : (28 votes)
    10 %
    I'm bitchy several times a month. : (24 votes)
    8 %
    I'm bitchy once a month. : (57 votes)
    19 %
    I'm never a bitch. : (32 votes)
    11 %
    My spouse is the bitchy one, not me. : (4 votes)
    1 %
    My spouse and I are both bitchy. : (9 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @secretlyabee: Do you think you act that way to him because he’s weaker than you, personality wise? I know I have to try and maintain a good attitude around my FI because he’s much more soft spoken than I am. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

    @secretlyabee:  I’m the same way with my boyfriend!!  Poor guy gets the brunt of my anger, no matter what it is I’m angry about.  In my defense, he is equally as “bitchy”, haha.  Hope someone here has some good advice for us!

    Post # 5
    Member
    10369 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly, I think your attitude is really damaging to your relationship. There are a lot of ways to rephrase what you’re saying into something constructive that gets your point across without demeaning your SO. That’s really important in a long term relationship.

    I think it takes you 1. thinking and rephrasing before you speak and 2. a lot of effort on your part to be aware of your own actions.

    I know I would never stay with someone that spoke to me like you do to him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I can definitely relate to you. I’ve been trying really hard to rephrase how I say things to him, and try to think of how I would react if he were to talk to me the way that I sometimes talk to him. I take a lot of my frustrations out on him, though. I always apologize soon after lately. I find that it really helps for me to take responsibility for the way that I am treating him, and also helps me to think twice before I say certain things. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @crayfish:  +1.  Exactly.

    Are you angry or unhappy with yourself or your life circumstances?  It’s just my personal observation, but most brash people generally are that way because they aren’t completely happy.  Do you get something out of being nasty? Do you feel superior to him when you talk to him like that?  

    Post # 8
    Member
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @secretlyabee:  Alright.  I can’t lie that I have also made many MANY simlar remarks to the ones you have.  I am sarcastic, aggressive and fiesty.  DH calls me his “delicate flower” (after Doug calling Carrie that in an old “King of Queens” episode.)  Listen, I’m sure your SO finds this firey part of you somewhat endearing- I know that if I was 100% sweet or calm to DH he would call me boring- he likes that I keep him on his toes.  

    However, I totally agree that you do need to find some “balance” or bring some sweetness to your inner bitch.  If I’ve been particularly edgy, I usually pull back and do something nice for him, cuddle up to him, or say something sweet to him.  It’s all about self-awareness.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    lol i used to be worse but one day he decided no more 

    when fi gets mad u sit up and listen as its rare 

    im better now but when i start going out of control again, which is about once a month, he checks me 

    Post # 11
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @secretlyabee:  Sounds like us! He’s so passive and I’m so…NOT! The best thing I can do is just pay attention to my words. I’m not always great about it, but I think I’m getting better. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1408 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    i guess im bitchy, but i’d like to think that i am just being really honest. I am all about the NO BS route and a lot of people would deem that bitchy. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @secretlyabee:  I don’t know if I have any advice for you, but I am definitely the same.

    My SO and I both talk to each other the same way, which is a pretty even split between totally sappy or bickering / being rude to each other. I think the key is that you’re never really being mean or rude or nasty, you don’t ACTUALLY mean what you say, as long as your SO knows that (which he seems to) then I don’t really see a problem.

     

    Sure, if your SO gets sick of it and asks you to be nicer, then make a big effort to think about what you say, but day to day I’d just try to throw in some more sappy heartfelt stuff, so it is easier for him to dismiss any snippy remarks that you didn’t really think about / mean.

     

    Laughing

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